Silent Boom
by RickBeckett
Summary: The reaction to the sonic boom of silence in the days after 47 seconds. How the family reacts to the very obvious change in Castle and Beckett's relationship. One family member will get the cold  shoulder for awhile. Lightness as heat rises from the ashes
1. Chapter 1

_Moments after the boys turn down Beckett's invitation for drinks at the end of 47 seconds ... __There are times when absolute silence is the loudest sound being heard, it screams, beats and pulses with tension until everyone hears it …_

* * *

><p>Lanie's cell phone beeps with a new text … "On my way Chica." She smiles. They both need to hold each other, a long bath and then time for themselves.<p>

While on Jenny's phone … a similar message. "Home soon sweetie."

Captain Gates was on the phone, "Steak sounds wonderful and that red we picked up Saturday. Love you."

Richard Castle had never been so happy to see his driver Eddie with the door open ready to go as soon as Castle was safely inside. Castle slipped in the back closing the door immediately. Eddie was ready and took advantage of a break in the traffic.

Castle's emotions were raw. It was a difficult case that had caused him considerable grief … including the loss of a big chunk of his daughter's innocence. Like all children alive on 9/11 she had seen tragedy already, but this time; she saw it up close and personal. That was bad enough. As he rode home in silence the one person who could have helped him mourn the loss, the person who just twenty-four hours earlier he was about to tell her ask her to take a chance on Always, that he loved her and could no longer deny what he felt … he simply could not trust.

There were two silent victims of the bombing, and no one knew.

…

_Forty-Eight hours later the sonic boom of silence would explode …._

Javier Esposito, Lanie Parish, Kevin and Jenny Ryan are at Remy's for dinner. It's only a brief break as they have a case, Jenny will head home and the other three back to work …

It was the first time they had been out since the bombing during the Wall Street protest case. Lanie looked at her boyfriend, his partner and Jenny … 'We needed this. The last few days has been overwhelming."

Jenny stifles a sob, "I'm sorry, I just … it's hard being home waiting while all of you are so involved."

Esposito reaches over and touches Jenny's hand … "I will make sure he comes home to you. I promise if anything ever happens I will come get your myself." For many such a straightforward statement would seem harsh, coming from Esposito it is assurance of a strong silent commitment.

It was Ryan who broke them out of thinking about the worst case possibilities.

Kevin, "Guys we've got to figure this out Mom and Dad are not talking, flirting, or even brushing fingers …"

Lanie, "No eye-texting either. I'll talk to my girl."

Beckett's cell … "New Text from Lanie: My office 30"

"Okay."

The four friends sit silently for a minute and then agree that Lanie talking to Beckett is the right thing to do. Esposito and Ryan promise to hurt Castle or worse if he's done something to hurt Beckett. Jenny Ryan speaks up "Guys, what if Kate did it?" … At first they shake their heads and deny that possibility …

Kevin, who seriously worships Beckett pauses and then … "We really do need the whole story."

Javi, "Bro? Seriously."

Ryan, "I know, but yeah."

Lanie, "I'm meeting Beckett in twenty I'm a get the scoop."

* * *

><p>AN This story came to me just after 47 seconds. It runs from there into an A/U … Limey never happened. It's based on my belief that Castle has a steady resolve born during his earliest thoughts about Beckett. While he may not have recognized the love the second it him he had been steadily working to earn her trust and love. However, he was also a human with emotional and physical needs. Beckett met some of the emotional needs, but due in large part to her walls she failed to see or care about his needs. This was not out of malice she simply was so emotionally frozen that she was incapable of recognizing what she was doing. It would take a very harsh figurative slap in the face to snap her into reality.

The original posts of the first 14 chapters had a lot of grammar and style errors. I have gone back to try and fix as many as I can. I have not written formally in nearly 30 years. My career did not require it. That I failed to see just how bad the original chapters were is a bit embarrassing. While I believe things have been improved I expect there are still issues. Anyone who notices them is encouraged to send a PM pointing out the error so that I can fix it. Also, it was pointed out that I switch tenses in places that make it awkward. I hope to fix that, but do not have the time right now to do so. Any help on that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Repost of original chapter after editing only slight content change and it does not affect the over all chapter.


	2. Yet

Chapter 2 (notes left as originally posted ... edited for grammar and readability 4-15-12)

A/N ... Really not liking the hint of what is to come on the show. I try to avoid any real spoilers both in what I read or anything I write if anything in my story comes close to what happens in the show iit will be purely an by accident. My original thought about this story line was to go for the comedy / drama and then to Caskett. Just not feeling the comedy aspect right now. There are some time jumps in the story for the cold shoulder think about the attitude following Castle going to the Hamptons and then not calling. Just ramp it up a bit, because instead of being over in a few days it lasts longer ... any suggestions are welcome. Some of the characters may be out of their normal element ... the chain of events here assumes that everyone including Gates has seen this story building over a considerable amount of time. When the mistakes and lie come out it will effect everyone at first ... whether they go back to a new normal or not time will tell. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>Forty-seven hours earlier …<p>

"Javie I missed you."

"Me too chica it was a tough case. Beckett and Castle went to Remy's" Javier Esposito offered the latter to skip one question his girlfriend was sure to ask. She had skills she always dug out the latest on their two friends. After all the pool on when they would finally see the light was big stakes. Info was the key.

* * *

><p>Twelve hours later in the bullpen ...<p>

Detective Ryan was already at his desk busy working on the never-ending pile of paperwork. Esposito rolled in with a big smile on his face … "Morning Bro"

"Morning, you think someone won?"

Beckett arrives fifteen minutes later. She appears to have not slept well and to be deep in thought about something. Esposito and Ray both … "Morning Boss" … they get no response. After Beckett takes off her coat, she heads to the break room. The two detectives watch her co and laugh … "coffee" …

Lanie's phone … "New Msg. Javi: Beckett's asleep on her feet not happy"

"No one won. 2nght?"

"Of course, if." Esposito agrees to a date after work.

Castle walks in at 9:30 with one cup of coffee. "Morning." Esposito and Ryan respond in kind; Beckett is in with the Captain. Castle starts working on the report he needs to complete for the bombing case. A brief narrative of what he found while reviewing the statements. He was busy writing when Beckett came back to their desk. She smiles afer she sees him and then goes back to her professional look, she can tell he was still brooding. She looks for her morning coffee only it's not there. Strange, it hurts a little, but perhaps he did not have time, for some reason … wait; he's a cup … "What?" Before she can greet him let alone ask.

Esposito … "We've got a body."

When Castle doesn't immediately stand up to follow her out … "Castle?"

"You go ahead I'll catch up if I can."

The two "partners" share a brief look, one that says nothing and one asking loudly … "What's going on."

"I have to be at Gina's office in thirty."

"Okay" Castle doesn't offer a good bye or anything else he just returns to the report. Beckett's facial expression turns to one of frustration she doesn't have time to deal with it. "Later" … "ummm yeah" is all they exchange.

Castle does catch up to the team when they are back in the bullpen late in the afternoon. He shows up at 4:30 … "sorry meetings" … they all know he hates meetings with his publisher so his mood seems normal after a long day of meetings. He goes and gets a cup of coffee. When he returns the space next to Beckett where Castle stands beside her is waiting, instead he stands to the side and then walks up to closely examine the board. He needs to catch up, only Beckett notices when he does eventually stand beside her that he's a good foot from where he usually is. She shifts her position sliding her right hand across the desk, so they can be closer. As he folds his arms … "hmm" … "Castle?" Beckett asks, "Nothing." He doesn't unfold his arms.

Beckett is starting to wonder if his body language is only about the meetings and the case. Before she can think of a question to ask about the board that might clue her in her phone rings its Lanie.

"Castle, Lanie's got something."

"Becket, go ahead I need to catch up on the crime scene."

Ten minutes after Beckett had left Castle looked at his watch before saying, "Espo hey, I've got to run, see you tomorrow."

"Later Castle"

An hour later Beckett is back from the morgue, "Where's Castle?"

Esposito "He had to go."

Beckett checks her phone for a missed call or text … nothing. The Captain shows up before she can call Castle. An hour later they all call it a night. Beckett goes home alone to her quiet apartment. About an hour later she sends a text to Castle …

"You okay?" her text to Castle reads.

Meanwhile., … Jenny and Kevin are having dinner Javi is in the morgue with Lanie as she finishes up for the day. The two couples in different parts of the city are having almost the same conversation. T guys were sharing the day's gossip … "Mom and Dad are doing the silent treatment Castle must have screwed up." It's not that they don't like Castle a lot; it's simply they have been Beckett's team/brothers longer and the three of them all wear the same uniform. The bond is just a little stronger.

Castle is alone in his office. Laptop with a blank document waiting for it will still be waiting four hours later.

_Everyone is silently hoping that the next day will be a better day ... but will it?_


	3. The Wall

A/N ... going with what is working at least for me. Hoping for things to get fun again soon ... Castle deserves to be happy. I would really appreciate it if people would either review or message me about the time jump in this chapter. If more details are needed about what happens in the jump, then I can try to add some, just felt like this needed to span a bit of time ... not be a two or three-day thing and then bang the silence is broken.

Edite 4-15-12

* * *

><p>It would be a better day from the legal side. The killer confessed after Beckett broke him at 3:25. With a little luck they would all go home early … 6 PM at the latest. Castle was watching from the observation room. He walks out to "their" desk and stands while he checks the news on his smart phone. Beckett walks over with the satisfaction of closing the case, and a hopeful look that the early day will give them time to talk; something is eating him, and she is worried. She knows that he had wanted to talk about something that seemed hopeful or at least important only to see him withdraw by the end of the case. The bombing case was tough one of the more gruesome cases they have had; it was senseless violence, and Alexis was involved due to her internship with the M.E.'s office.<p>

"Castle, let me get this paperwork wrapped up then how about; I buy you dinner?"

In a somewhat absent-minded tone, "Oh look at the time got to run. Bye." Castle was quickly on his phone "Gina, I'll be there in fifteen" … Castle did not wait for the elevator choosing the stairs instead. It was not a lie he had called Gina and made dinner plans while watching the interrogation and ultimately, the confession.

Esposito asks, "Beckett where's Castle off to?"

She answers, "No idea." The look on her face does not fool her brother.

Four hours later while the two couples are at Remy's having dinner and just after they agreed, Lanie would find out the 411.

A test message on Lanie's phone reads "Girls night 2mrw?"

Beckett's phone the response reads, "You Know It!" The feisty medical examiner who is Beckett's best friend tries to confirm in a positive way.

Twenty-four hours later … an early case, Castle arrived at the crime scene half an hour after Beckett called.

"There's a body detective? Where?"

"Yeah, alley off of …"

"Okay meet you there." He had hung up.

Castle was rarely behind Beckett, and he would meet at the crime scene. Beckett had to practically pass his building yet, and he would know that, yet he would meet them. Something was up. Beckett decided to wait for him to explain. It would be a long wait. The day was busy, running down leads and canvassing for witnesses. By noon, the murder board was filling in. Castle was fidgeting, instead of standing next to Beckett "holding hands" he kept moving around looking at the board from different positions. It was slow almost purposeful … avoidance. It would make sense the movement if it was a complicated case, but a long time ago Castle and Beckett had stopped shifting positions even for complicated … instead they were more often than not in tandem, body positions often matching, they finished each other's thoughts, partners and a silent couple. It was a thing of beauty if a bit frustrating physically that latter part drove the office pool – just as everyone could see the bond, they could all see that things were off the longer the day went the more obvious. Just like when Castle didn't call after leaving for the Hamptons nearly two summers earlier with his ex-wife Gina in tow and a broken-hearted Beckett wondering … the blame was laid at Castle's feet … no one bothered to give the possibility that Beckett had done something. This was especially true, because the way that Castle always and quickly got over the anything, Beckett had done.

They finally caught a break in the case and put out an APB on the suspect. They called it a day after thirteen hours. The suspect was known to have left the city and flown to Atlanta. The case was being transferred to the fugitive apprehension squad – that team would be the ones to trace the suspect further while working with other law enforcement agencies to find and arrest the suspect.

An hour later at Lanie's apartment …

Lanie greets Kate with a glass of wine, "Spill"

"He's different" … he is none other than Richard Castle, aka "writer-boy"

"I need details"

"Kate let me grab the bottle."

While she was gone, she sent a text to Javi.

"He's got an attitude 411" … Javier Esposito understood. Lanie believed Castle had some type of issue they needed to find out what; whatever was wrong was writer-boys fault.

"Here you go Kate. I hate to bring this up, but Castle may be tired of waiting."

"He said he would wait."

"He's human."

"He said always."

"So, have you told him how you feel?"

"No, I want to."

"Girl you better do it … what else has he said?"

"Nothing that's the problem"

"Are you sure?"

"Huh?"

The doorbell … Lanie goes to get the Chinese for dinner. Kate thinks about that last question. Was she sure that the problem was Rick not talking … yes he is upset, but not telling her about what. She was busy with the case and barely saw him.

She makes a decision to find out and wants the scoop on Lanie and Javi … "So, how's your man? Do I need me to bust him to traffic?" It is a joke she told Esposito if he screwed things up he would be a crossing guard. Later, that night while lying in bed and NOT sleeping Beckett decides she will confront Castle in the morning, whatever is going on she needs to be there for him.

* * *

><p>At 4:47 AM, the next morning Beckett's phone rings … got it.<p>

"Calling Castle" … his phone rings and rings voicemail answers "Castle sorry I will have to get back to you …. Beep," Beckett leaves a message with the crime scene address. He sends a text at 8:49 … "Sorry battery died, attorney at 10:00 I'll catch up" … cryptic … "hmmmm".

Castle shows up at 1:45 just after lunch. He is studying the murder board when Beckett, Espo, Ryan, arrive with a suspect. Just as Beckett is about to go into interrogation Lanie calls she has something to show Beckett.

"Come on Castle Lanie's got something."

The concern about Alexis is genuine. Lanie does tell Castle a few things to watch for that might indicate stress or emotional issues from the bombing case.

"Castle that's not all, what's got you so upset?"

"I'm fine"

"Please, I wasn't born yesterday."

Two phones ring at the same time …

"Castle … okay out front in five."

"Dr. Parish … address? I got it."

"Castle, don't think we're done this."

"There is no this. I will see you at the scene."

* * *

><p>It would be two weeks before the powerhouse M.E. had a chance to address "this" again. Between crazy caseload and ever diminishing Castle sightings, there was never a chance. Over the course of five cases, the cold wall of silence had grown to rival the Great Wall of China. It never affected the result of the cases it did slow the process each case things got further out of sync. The friendships were growing strained. Each day Esposito, Ryan, Lanie along with police officers who knew Castle well talked with him less and less. They all assumed he had screwed up, and that is why things were strained to put it nicely between Castle and Beckett. For a group of people who were supposedly very observant they sure managed to miss the change in Castle … that the life was gone from his eyes, whenever he was there, the eyes were colder and focused, he no longer looked at Beckett with unconditional love.<p>

Castle had tried to convince himself he could turn the switch off extinguish the fire that was burning a hole through his heart. W that failed the only option left was to walk away. There were a few steps he felt needed to be taken in order to do so. The last few days of the second week Castle spent far more time away from the precinct then he had been at any time other than the two months Captain Gates had not allowed him in the station. It was not Friday morning, and he was in the morgue dropping off a card that Alexis asked him to deliver to Lanie.

"Good Morning Lanie, Alexis asked me to give this to you." He hands her an envelope.

"Thanks, Rick …"

"Lanie I've got to run, I have an appointment with Gates in thirty."

"Richard Castle, I'm your friend too now talk." It was typical Lanie.

"No Lanie … "

Before he can say that while they are friends, he knows that Kate and Lanie are best friends, and that it's inappropriate for him to say anything.

"Castle seriously I won't tell her, answer this do you still love her?"

"Al.. Always … " Lanie sees the pain what she didn't expect to see was anger as well, then the eyes faded to a distant look … a sense of deep loss of mourning as profound as any she had ever witnessed. That's saying a lot when the woman's profession is the Medical Examiner for the City of New York, with several hundred meetings with families who had to identify the body of a loved one. Lanie hopes she hides that she has realized that somehow Kate had really damaged Rick Castle … it's beyond a simple argument or silly mistake. She knows Castle well enough that he will cover the pain and the reason for it. That would not be healthy.

"Rick, I think there's more, but … well I'm here if you need a friend."

"Thanks." Castle walks out.

It was only after Castle had walked out of the door that Lanie gasped when she thought about the wall of silence and how all of them had sided with Kate without any hesitation. Depending on what had happened it was very likely they all owed Rick Castle an apology.

Lanie's phone displays _Calling Javi_ … "Hey Chica"

"Javi we've got a problem it wasn't Castle." Lanie knows that Javi will understand that whatever happened had to be something Beckett did.

"Got it." Lanie's boyfriend was going to get to the bottom of what Kate Beckett had apparently done.

Beckett was back at her desk the suspect had been released; they didn't have enough to hold him. Esposito (Javi) walks over … "Beckett l need to talk to you." He tilts his head to the break room.

"Beckett what's up with Castle?"

"I don't know" she's trying not to be emotional. She knows Javi can see right through her, and she really doesn't want to talk about it.

"You sure? Did you fight?" He asked.

"No" but even in the simple one-syllable word her voice breaks. Javi lets it go. He knows her well enough not to push when she is like this.

"Beckett?"

"Thanks, I just don't know." Esposito's nod tells Beckett he's got her back and will find out. Just minutes later … Esposito ambushes Castle, just as he arrives back at the bullpen.

"Castle, man I need to talk to you, man to man, it's about Lanie can we go to the Haunt later?

"Better, Ryan" he nodded in agreement … back to work. Espo and Ryan would owe their ladies, but the ladies would understand.

The rest of the morning was quiet, silently really. After all no one was talking to Castle unless they had to for a case. The silence after polite yet distant greetings between Castle and Beckett was much louder. There was a rhythm in Beckett's stolen looks once a minute she was glancing up from the paperwork, Castle sat in his chair, but he wasn't leaning towards Beckett. He did not look comfortable. At 11:15 Beckett left for an appointment everyone knew it was her weekly "thing." They also knew it was a counselor; they were detectives after all and Beckett had the PTSD to deal with.

Esposito went over to talk with Castle.

"Castle we still on for Halo?"

"Of course."

Ryan, "Espo call line 3" interrupted any further discussion. Castle was grateful he really didn't have anything to say. The wall of silence was growing and for once Castle was not hurt at being an outsider despite his unofficial acceptance inside … one that had been made much stronger not only in the 12th but department wide when he tried to take the sniper's bullet for Detective Beckett. The silence had been growing all week long. Blood was thicker than water and while Castle was close, he didn't bleed blue like the sworn officers. Ninety minutes later Ryan suggested lunch.

"Lunch, Beckett will meet us at Remy's"

Castle "I have some things to do, call me when you are on your way." He offered no explanation about why he was clearly not coming back after lunch.

It would be a little after eight that night when the earth quake hit … an off the chart shockwave … Esposito is ready to pop the question to Lanie (which is true), so he figures he'll start out talking about that and then work into whatever has Castle hurting and clearly pulling away from Beckett.

Castle was brought back to the moment when he heard the telltale sounds of someone losing. He stepped back into the living room and briefly smiled when it was clear that Kevin and defeated Javi yet again. It was the first hint of a smile in days.

"Javi … no don't ask or argue … take this go see Josef over at Heimann Jewelers. T him I sent you, and he'll trade this for whatever you want."

"Rick …"

"Javi I said no argument."

"What happened?"

"Friends … work friends" … Javi and Kevin saw the pained look and understood that something HUGE had happened. Mom and Dad were just friends and only work friends? Lanie put it on Kate not Rick. Whoa … was she secretly dating? They knew without talking that it was time to stop asking Castle. The person to ask wasn't there. Despite Lanie thinking it was on Kate it was Castle that had gotten the silent treatment in part because he had not been very friendly, when Beckett was away from her desk. No one had missed that someone … likely Castle had moved his chair. Circumstantial evidence was pointing at Beckett, but Castle was acting childish or so everyone thought, which meant Castle was given a bit of the cold shoulder. Not full on enough to make it uncomfortable as the week had gone on.

Kevin stepped up; Castle double or nothing … "loser"? It was a running joke between the three of them who ever lost the previous Halo match was "loser" in all banter at the next boys' night.

Lanie's phone read, "Beckett with you?"

"Yes, Old Haunt."

"Keep her, I'm on the way"

"Good news?"

"No. She needs to talk"

A few minutes later, Esposito's phone rings … Lanie calling …

Javi mouths, "Its Lanie." Castle points to his office and keeps right on playing the game … anything to keep his mind off the foolish waste of time.

"Chica?" he was asking if Beckett could hear.

"Spill""Spill" Lanie, was telling him it was safe to talk. Beckett screwed up big time"

"What?"

Before she can ask … Javi, "I asked about a jeweler. He gave me a ring told me he would not be need it. Trade it." Lanie Parish was speechless; she knew about the jeweler question. Javi had been planning to ask Castle for a reference after they had talked about things. That Castle had a ring for Beckett did not surprise Lanie, what set off a shockwave was Castle was so hurt that he was giving it … make that throwing it away … Javi was right Kate Beckett was going to fess up.

Javi and Lanie felt bad as they listened to Kate crying herself to sleep.

It would be late in the afternoon on Saturday when they stopped feeling sorry just for her. The "detectives" would build a strong case for attempted murder of love. The evidence was thin, with two suspects and only one of them cooperating. The problem was the denials by that witness and lack of complete honesty hurt the case. They were missing far too much of the time line.

Despite the attempted jokes, they had far too many unanswered questions … their timeline looked like this …

Thirty-six hours before the bombing Kate Beckett (person of interest #1) had enjoyed a meal at the home of Richard Castle. Alexis Castle and Martha Rodgers, the daughter and mother of "of interest #2" or possibly the victim, accompanied them. Person of interest #1 adamantly argued she was the victim, as she had done nothing wrong, certainly nothing to warrant the harsh change in how person of interest #2 had been treating her.

Second block of time covered the hours between the dinner and the bombing. Typical friendly conversations and texts had been exchanged while POI 1 was doing paperwork at the precinct, and POI 2 was believed to be at his home "writing."

The first major point in the timeline was the arrival at the scene of the bombing. POI 1 gave a statement that during their walk-through of the scene, there was a significant change in their moods … both she, and POI 2 had been moved by the scene and talked about how quickly plans for the future vanished. That theme was with them throughout most of their conversations the rest of the day.

A significant point in the time line occurred later in the day when POI 2 aka Castle was about to say something that POI 1 felt was very important. She admitted this was on a personal level and not the case. It was o after considerable questioning did she concede it was about them or "us." She was sure it was going to be about not waiting … the bombing had knocked some sense into both of them. She really hated to admit to them, that she was going to say that very thing if Castle was not so clearly ready to say it himself. Just as it appeared, they were finally going to talk Ryan interrupt when the address for the suspect was discovered …

First, suspect turned out not to be the guy … only after he was turned over to the F.B.I.

The team kept digging to be sure the story was told … then they talked to the street drummer … he identified a second suspect giving a description and details that had not been released to the police.

The team went out to canvas the area near the bomb scene in an attempt to find more information.

Castle was tasked with reviewing the witness statements. Castle and Beckett did not see each other again until late morning the next day and only shared a brief exchange of texts to let each other know they were okay and to get some rest. "Until tomorrow"

The next day the team was in early, Castle shortly behind with coffee in hand. Esposito had seen Castle briefly just as the interrogation of the suspect had started. Then about 15 minutes later Castle was on his way out the door letting Esposito know he had something to take care of and would be back shortly. Esposito recalled Castle looked stressed almost panicked … then again, so did everyone working on the bombing case at that point.

Interrogation after Espo sees Castle at the desk with coffee.

Short time later Espo ran into Castle who said he had to go out...

When he returned, he said he was out clearing his head...

Espo joined them, and they talked about the bomb...

Then Castle figured out the TV reporter Leanne West triggered the bomb...

Castle and Beckett interrogated West ... Castle was a bit more aggressive and sarcastic then usual ... it seemed the stress had gotten to him.

Captain sent them home after a speech of gratitude ... she was proud...

Beckett invited the guys to join her for a drink. Espo wanted to get home to Lanie while Ryan was anxious to see Jenny ... everyone smiled as they all understood.

Kate asked Rick about what he wanted to talk about ... "nothing important"

He left without waiting or helping her with her coat.

About all they agree on was they were missing information. That whatever happened to upset Castle had occurred from the time the bomb exploded until the point when Beckett asked Castle what he wanted to talk about. His response of nothing important made them all think there was something missing during the roughly 36 hours from the explosion until they were all going home. Before they could dive into narrowing things down the phones of everyone including Jenny Ryan beeped with a new text message …

"From Captain Gates: Check email – 1 PP 11 AM Monday Full Dress"

They all understood … they were ordered to One Police Plaza at 11:00 AM Monday, and they were to be in full-dress uniform … at least the three sworn members of the NYPD.

The detectives all knew that there were rarely coincidences, news reports earlier in the day reported Leanne West would be entering a guilty plea to her role in the bombing Monday at 9:00 AM … they concluded that the command performance meant press conference they would dutifully stand behind the Chief of Police and Detectives.

Lanie who was very detailed oriented was already reading her email … she let out an audible gasp...

_To: Dr. Lanie Parish, M.E. NY City_

_From: Honorable Robert Weldon, Mayor of New York, New York_

_Dr. Parish,_

_You__ presence is requested at One Police Plaza at 11:00 AM Monday. There will be a brief ceremony to thank Mr. Richard Castle for his service to the city and the NYPD. Please be advised that Mr. Castle is under the belief that this ceremony is to honor Detectives Beckett, Ryan and Esposito. They will be honored, as they truly deserve. The honor __for__ Mr. Castle is also deserved. However, he refused the honor. He has asked for no recognition of the work he has loved doing the last nearly four years. Please keep this __confidence__. My friend will not be happy with me when the city offers its thanks. I simply feel the city owes him, a debt and this will be the only chance to begin to recognize his contributions. I believe you and the others surely agree that he has been a true asset to our city and the NYPD, in particular._

_Please confirm __to__ my office your attendance._

_Sincerely,_

_Robert Weldon_

_Mayor_

* * *

><p>The stunned group was silent after reading the email. They were sure the emails they had received were the same … they all understood that there was something life changing happening. The question was what, truth be told they all had a pretty good idea what it was. Kate Beckett the immovable force was the first to crack . "Nooooooooo!" … though it was barely a whisper it was louder than any sound ever heard. They all turned to look at the source and what they saw was something they had only seen one time before … one person had ever looked so lost and hurt before. It was the same look that Rick Castle had worn for hour really days after Beckett had been shot then months earlier.<p> 


	4. Only Just Begun

Silent Boom Chapter 4

A/N … there is one scene within this chapter that will likely seem way out of context. It's there because I believe that despite all the anger and pain Castle would indeed want to offer Beckett one small piece of grace. A moment that he would understand and that she did not even know she needed. Castle reaction is a simmering controlled rage. The team attempted to ambush him at his home without any regard for his family, without respect, without friendship. He's in control on the surface while a fierce fire is burning just underneath … hidden except in his eyes. The chapter it did not come out quite as I originally thought … I tried to go with the original thought and it felt like it was too contrived. The result is a little outside the box. I think one reason is to show that Rick is not going to grovel or do as Beckett pleases. His life and his plans.

Edited for grammar 4-15-12 … still far from perfect.

* * *

><p><em>Previously …<em>

_To: Dr. Lanie Parish, M.E. NY City_

_From: Honorable Robert Weldon, Mayor of New York, New York_

_Dr. Parish,_

_You presence is requested at One Police Plaza at 11:00 AM Monday. There will be a brief ceremony to thank Mr. Richard Castle for his service to the city and the NYPD. Please be advised that Mr. Castle is under the belief that this ceremony is to honor Detectives Beckett, Ryan and Esposito. They will be honored, as they truly deserve. The honor for Mr. Castle is also deserved. However, he refused the honor. He has asked for no recognition of the work he has loved doing the last nearly four years. Please keep this confidence. My friend will not be happy with me when the city offers its thanks. I simply feel the city owes him, a debt and this will be the only chance to begin to recognize his contributions. I believe you and the others surely agree that he has been a true asset to our city and the NYPD, in particular._

_Please confirm to my office your attendance._

_Sincerely,_

_Robert Weldon_

_Mayor_

_The stunned group was silent after reading the email. They were sure the emails they had received were the same … they all understood that there was something life changing happening. The question was what, truth be told they all had a pretty good idea what it was. Kate Beckett the immovable force was the first to crack . "Nooooooooo!" … though it was barely a whisper it was louder than any sound ever heard. They all turned to look at the source and what they saw was something they had only seen one time before … one person had ever looked so lost and hurt before. It was the same look that Rick Castle had worn for hour really days after Beckett had been shot then months earlier._

* * *

><p>Lanie glances at the clock sitting on the bookcase … 3:48 P.M., she barks out a question … "Anyone here besides me think the only way we find out what happened is to confront writer boy?" Lanie is always deliberate the term "writer-boy" is used to poke at Kate, it usually embarrasses her. This afternoon it gets about an eighth of a smile, for maybe a second. It's a start. Everyone agrees.<p>

She continues … "Here's what we do Javi grab the murder board. Kevin, call Castle if you think he will talk to you. We need to know if he's home without spooking him. We're going to take him hostage if we have to." The tone of her voice tells them she isn't kidding. They don't give Beckett a chance to object.

"Castle hey its Ryan did I leave my Yankees hat there?"

"Ryan, I haven't seen it."

"Okay, must be at the precinct. Thanks."

Twenty minutes later the team/family arrives at Castle's and with the mini version of a murder board in Javi's hands they head into Castle's building. Much to their surprise Captain Gates is waiting for the elevator.

The doorman starts to stop them from entering … "Detective Beckett I'm sorry you are no longer on the approved guest list nor are any of _your friends". George likes Rick Castle and his family he's seen Kate Beckett, Esposito and Ryan enough to know if they are off the list they hurt Rick or his family anger Castle deals with he moves on, hurt not so much – after 15 years on the job you know your tenants the Castle's are good people._

Stunned silence Castle had banned them. What the hell?

Captain Gates having heard the doorman, "Excuse me this is official police business they are with me." The doorman knows that the Captain was still on the approved list. She had identified herself with her police I.D. … He makes the decision that if an NYPD Captain says it's official business then he won't argue after all cops never lie. Mr. Castle respects the NYPD.

Georege decides to call Mr. Castle to warn him of his unexpected guests on "official business". "Yes George?" Castle asked as he answered having seen the caller I.D. that identifies the call as coming from the lobby security phone.

"Mr. Castle, Captain Gates and the detectives you took off your guest list are on the way up. I'm sorry."

"George, I understand the Captain doesn't take no for answer. That's why I left her on the list."

By the time the Captain and team arrive Castle is fuming, it's a cold burn, he will not yell or rant, but if they think they can show up at his door unannounced after … well. They will be learning a thing or two. The audacity to think they can waltz right in uninvited after he's made it clear there is nothing to talk about beyond police work and this is most definitely not about a case otherwise he would have been called to a crime scene.

They will learn that there is such a thing as manners and etiquette or least a hint of respect. The steam is coming out his ears by the time he answers the door. He takes a deep breath and then another before he opens the door.

He does not sweep the door open, nor does he invite them in. Instead he opens the door while stepping into the opening at the same time. Easily filling the doorway and making it clear there is a line drawn in the sand.

"Captain Gates, I was expecting a call I must ASSUME you were in the area." The silent message is clear how dare you show up at my home without calling. I do not work for you. Remember I have friends.

"Mr. Castle, First we both know I was not in the area. I do apologize, but I felt it best we talk in person rather than wait till Monday morning as we had scheduled."

"Captain as you have no doubt figured out there has been a change to my schedule. I was still coming to your office at 8:30 on Monday however since you are here we may as well talk now. You know where my office is, yes. I will be right in." He steps aside to allow Captain Gates to enter.

The others start to follow, before they can enter Castle's blocks the doorway yet again. "If it's not clear I invited your Captain to come in as we have a matter to discuss. When I am finished I will deal with you, in the mean time you can wait or leave I do not care." The tone of his voice was sharp with a finally tuned edge. It is far more effective then yelling. He closes the door.

The unadulterated anger bordering on rage is not lost on his "friends" the eyes that are normally full of life and mischief are dark, stone cold and brooding. It's not a look they have seen before. Lanie realized the decision to confront Castle unannounced was probably going to backfire on them.

"Captain Gates. I'm sure you knew when I requested the meeting what it was about."

"Mr. Castle I did, but was hoping to change your mind. I came here today hoping to get you to reconsider. I felt it was appropriate that we talk on your turf. Hoping that it would show you my sincerity in asking you to continue working with Detective Beckett and her team. I assure you I had no idea they would be here. They arrived in the lobby just a few minutes after I did. I brought them with me to avoid an embarrassing scene. Is there any chance I can persuade you to reconsider?"

"Captain you've not wanted in the Precinct since you took over. While I don't doubt your sincerity I do question why the sudden change. As for Detective Beckett and her team I know them well enough to know that they would likely show up without warning. I expected it would happen and removed them from the visitor list."

"May I ask why?"

"Captain as much as I will end up regretting this they came here looking for a fight … a verbal one, but a fight none the less. I had hoped to avoid this as I do respect all of you for the fine police officers that you are. Ninety percent, no ninety nine percent of why is personal between myself and the team that I thought were my friends. Only a very small part is professional."

"I suspected as much, but you knew that."

"Captain the timing of this is simply not good, I don't have time to explain the part you need to know and then duplicate it with them. They will hear me out on my terms or not at all. Please follow me."

Castle walks back to the front door as soon as he opens the door. He glares at all of them except Jenny who he gives a genuine and heartfelt smile. They all try to talk and are stopped by his glare … "You all should know better than to act like this. Here's my offer it is not negotiable. If you choose to come in you will do so under the following conditions. You will go to the living room sit down and do not say a word until I address you. You have ten seconds to decide. If not kindly close the door and have a good afternoon."

Castle turns and walks back into his apartment and into his study, disappearing into his bedroom. He pulls his phone and calls Alexis who is in her room. "Dad?"

"Alexis, sorry pumpkin. Beckett and everyone just showed up. I hate to ask, but please stay in your room for now. If you need anything from the kitchen just text me I will bring it to you."

"Okay, I'm sorry they are acting this way."

"Me too pumpkin."

Castle walks out of his office heading to the living room. Then changes direction going to the kitchen without a word Captain Gate follows him as she was not instructed to sit down and shut up.

Gates is amazed at his control she can see the stress, the pulsing veins that show just how angry he is. She still has no idea what the real issue is, but she knows enough to know that it clearly is the relationship with Detective Beckett. What surprises her is she thought it would be Castle that caused such a riff.

When she realizes Castle is getting drinks and snacks for the others she just shakes her head class is not about wealth it is about respect and manners … quietly "Can I help?"

"Captain I appreciate the offer, but it's my home and I was taught early in life to be a gracious host." There is no venom to what he says, it's strained a bit, but not remotely ugly. She chooses to respect the man.

"Okay, I don't know what this is, but you are a good man." Coming from Captain Gates that is high praise.

Castle carries the drinks over to the coffee table and then grabs the snacks. Doing it alone was purposeful … silent statement … "My home." He then speaks out loud … "Please help yourselves, then I have a few things to say."

"You chose to come to my home for your showdown.

If you really want to do this here are the conditions. First you stay in your seat. You get up to leave only, so if you need a restroom please go now. There will be no yelling again you violate that you leave. When anyone is speaking no one interrupts.

I see you have a murder board with something laid out on it. Choose someone to present YOUR FACTS to me and then I will address what I feel is appropriate.

Before we get into that there is one matter that does concern Captain Gates. I will discuss that and then once that is said I believe the Captain will be leaving. She is free to stay if she wants and all of you agree, but anything I have to say beyond the wall of silence issue is going to be VERY PERSONAL"

No one misses that his eyes flare at Beckett, Esposito, Ryan and Lanie in that order. Apparently it's not just Kate that messed up. "I think I will give you a few minutes to think about that." \

He quickly heads to his office and makes a call … "Hi Gina, something's come up can you change the pickup to 7:30 and have something to eat for me. Cancel dinner I will head straight there. Actually have the car downstairs by 5:00 I may be ready to leave earlier, but will not need dinner reservations if I do. Thanks." He knows that Gina already understands enough, she has prepared the press releases that will be sent out on Monday and in the days to come.

Castle walks back out to the living room, hoping they would have listened and understood they were pushing … the same thing that makes them great detectives does not allow them to back down.

"Since you are all still here I have two questions. First does anyone disagree with my conditions? Second who is going to present your "case" after I address the issue that concerns Captain Gates?"

Javi barks their answer. "We do not like the conditions, but this has to end. I will lay this out from our side."

That Javi will be the one to speak is not surprising. He is the most protective of Beckett. No one heard the door open quietly or Alexis's silent approach to the top of the stairs. She is furious that her dad's friends and especially Detective Beckett have dared to show up like this. She will deal with any consequences later.

"Captain Gates and everyone the only issue that directly concerns the precinct at this time is the wall of silence.

Do I understand that it is there? Of course I do.

However, in this case it is unwarranted and beneath the fine officers of the 12th. Apparently rumors, speculation and perhaps lies have fueled the flames and over the last two weeks. I have come to realize that due to the wall of silence and for personal reasons I can no longer be of use to your Precinct.

Had I done something to warrant the silence I would apologize and hope that bad feelings could be overcome unfortunately I was tried and convicted on those rumors. It affects the ability of the team to work on cases going forward.

Yesterday was my last day as a consultant to the NYPD. It was indeed a pleasure.

On a personal note Captain you came into the Precinct under the most difficult circumstances, you have been fair and I am confident that Roy Montgomery would thank you for taking care of his detectives and officers.

I want you to know that I am grateful that you are there to lead and care for them. Do you have any questions?"

"Mr. Castle, thank you.

I had hoped that the wall would not cause this. I've heard the rumors and apologize to you for some of the things that I know have been said.

Yes, I know you have heard them as well. I will be addressing the way you were treated I had hoped to be doing so with you still part of the team.

I've not said it enough Thank You for all you have done. Before I leave I need to ask Detectives Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito if I should stay or go. If I stay everything is off the record and will never be mentioned outside of this room. So Detectives?"

Castle speaks before they can say anything … "Excuse me Captain. Beckett, Esposito and Ryan, I suggest you join me in my office. It will take just a few minutes."

He turns and strides purposely to his office. The three detectives quickly follow. He closes the door as soon as they are inside. He doesn't give them time to say a word … "Hear me out. Gates just offered to keep everything off the record, all of us know if she gives her word she will keep it. I've already scanned your board and there is a lot missing. Let me make it clear if we continue this discussion nothing is off limits from the day we first met. I will be in the living room."

The three long time partners are taken back. They came prepared to talk about the tiny window of time and what possibly happened to upset Castle. Beckett steps back out … "Castle, Rick, please come back?"

Castle walks back in … "Go ahead."

"Rick,…"

"Castle or Mr. Castle, we all know I'm not Rick to you." It's cold and dismissive. As well as being the first hint at just how hurt and bitter Castle is. "Umm Castle are you trying to say that there is something about my mother's case about Roy?"

Castle says … "What I'm saying is if we are putting up a story board about what happened then the whole story is on the table. The finale or end may have taken place inside your timeline, but it's not the whole story."

He turns and heads back out to the living room, continues down the hall to a storage room. When he returns he has three big white "story boards" from when he used them to do his book outlines. The others are a bit surprised as he's a techie.

"I've got to grab a shower I do have plans this evening. Put your timeline on the last board. Beckett come with me … NOW."

He doesn't wait for an answer as he heads to his office, but Beckett knows he's not stopping there. He's going to his room and then a shower. He's got something to say … but? She looks at Lanie who gives her the eye … "Go don't blow it." Is the message Lanie conveys to her friend.

"Castle?" softly escapses from Kate as she steps inside his room for the first time. It was not the way she had thought it would happen and far from the way Rick had dreamed.

"Beckett, listen and hear me. I do not want to do this. I am trying to figure out why you even care." He's not yelling it's just a deep wounded growl.

She looks at him with a completely blank expression that turns to both hurt and anger … she's very confused. "Rick?" she whispers trying to appeal to the kind loving man she knows he is and the man who is her one and done.

It almost works … "Kate, Beckett stop I'm through playing if you care at all show me some respect. I'm not immune to your flirtation, but using it against me … so help me."

Her eyes fill with tears she fights hard to hold them back. "Castle?"

"Beckett, you have a decision to make actually two … do you want the Captain to go? Do you want YOUR friends to stay? Think about it. Stay here or in my office if you need to talk to Lanie do so. I will be back in ten minutes." He turns and starts pulling off his clothes.

Beckett doesn't move as she watches him pull off his shirt he catches her watching in the mirror. He continues and she breaks away when she realizes he's not closing the door and is about to be naked. She wants to see, but not like this. She quickly heads to get Lanie … instead she ends up with Lanie, Jenny and Gates. They go to the kitchen.

"Detective, if you want me to go I will if I stay I'm Vicki. Before you say anything Mr. Castle's work has earned him a home at the 12th for as long as I am there if he wants it.

Yes there would be some ummm PDA restrictions and safety concerns, but he's earned a spot.

Of course the letter Roy sent me helped too, yes I knew Roy very well and he sent a letter apparently he expected to die. Told me I was getting a good team and that Mr. Castle was a big help. How he knew I would get the 12th I do not know.

I am sure that is not what you expected. I'll be over helping Kevin and Javi let me know what you decide."

"Lanie I still don't know what happened. Castle, Rick is deeply hurt and angry and it's not just me. Most of it is, but not all … I think you all should just go … I'll get him to tell me, yell, whatever … if I have to I will yell until he does."

"No Detective Beckett." The entrance of Alexis was unexpected and the firm controlled tone more effective then yelling. "You may ask, but you cannot yell, trust me you do and you will regret it." They always underestimate Alexis Castle. This time they are not sure if Beckett should fear Rick or Alexis the most.

Kate, Lanie and Jenny watch with their jaws on the floor as Alexis walks over to the board. She's scanning the information Kate and Lanie notice very similar mannerisms to Castle.

Lanie speaks up … "Kate you need to talk to him, but all of us need to know what part we played in this. He's leaving unless we can fix this. If you want to be alone ask him for that and then he needs to tell us or us and then alone. Now go."

Kate walks back into Rick's bedroom. It's everything she thought it would be and more. She hears the water shut off and the door open. He walks out and for a second she thinks he's naked then realizes he has a pair of gym shorts on … still she inhales sharply. She doesn't turn away.

Rick walks into the large walk in closet if a room can be called a closet that is. He pauses and is lost in thought before he takes a soft blue button down shirt off a hanger he walks over to Kate … "Are you wearing a bra?" … "Huh?"

"Simple yes or no … a bra?"

"Yes, why?"

"Here go put this on."

She looks at him, starts to object then realizes there is something very important to him. She doesn't know why it is, but she walks into the bathroom and pulls off her burgundy turtleneck. She looks to the mirror, but Rick isn't watching. She's disappointed yet not surprised.

Rick has proven time and again that he is a gentleman not a playboy like she thought like the finely crafted image. Beckett slips into his extra-large shirt which swamps her petite frame … she rolls up the sleeves. She starts to button up the front only does the middle three and turns … "Rick" it's a statement I'm here.

Rick walks over to her. "Kate, do you trust me?" … "Yes" it's soft but she means it, she's unsure what he is thinking.

"Kate look at me. If we have this conversation it's going to be bloody. I will take my lumps and I accept that. But there is one thing you have to know before any of that happens."

"Rick we can't go on like this, what is it that you want me to know."

He gently reaches up and undoes the buttons of the shirt he opens it enough to expose her scar underneath. His eyes tell her what he wants her to know, that the scars don't change how he feels. That they don't make her ugly or damaged, they just make her alive. He then reaches up and very lightly traces the scar he wants her to know not to fear being touched.

He then takes her into a gentle hug. "Kate, I've meant everything I have ever said to you about how I feel. I mean this more than life itself. I want you to promise me you will live that you won't settle or hide in your bad relationships with men you don't love, find your one and done. Now go put your shirt back on and let me get dressed."

She realizes that despite all his pain and anger he needed her to know and that by using his shirt it allowed her some modesty while allowing him to show her with his eyes and touch that he meant every word. The flood of emotion of the gentleness of his soul is overwhelming.

She starts to leave … "Rick can I stay?" … her voice was pleading, but she knew the answer before she asked.

"No Kate the time for that … well it probably never was … I know it's not now." The timber of his voice the painful trembles tell her how much that hurts him to say and how sorry he is.

Kate is back in the living room. A few tears softly fall. Alexis who was raised with impeccable manners quickly brings tissues. She then goes to the hallway and gets a couple of more boxes, she may be angry, but she knows that everyone is probably going to shed a few tears. Her dad and Javier Esposito will probably match Kate Beckett. Esposito is very protective of Beckett and he's a lot more emotional than his tough guy image.

Alexis feels bad for Jenny of all the people in the loft Jenny is the innocent one. "Jenny can I talk to you for a minute please?" … Jenny's nervous, but nods her head and they go to the kitchen.

"Jenny, my dad will probably say this, I'm sorry you have to see this. He may ban me to my room or send me on to the Children's Hospital Benefit we are attending tonight. I wanted you to know now that in time he will forgive everyone. I hope in time all of you can forgive him as well." A quick hug and Alexis heads to her dad's office. She gets there right as he walks out of his room. He is wearing his tuxedo pants and shirt on … the coat and tie he lays across the sofa he will get them when he leaves.

"Dad … no I'm part of this too." She beats him to the punch.

"Okay pumpkin, but the same rules apply to you. When someone talks everyone else listens. You have to sit down just as they do." They walk out to the living room.

_While Alexis and Rick were talking and sharing a hug …_

_Kate's eyes told Lanie she needed her as soon as she stepped out of Rick's office. Lanie was on her feet and took Kate into her arms in a hug that provided privacy and a loving embrace at the same time__.__The big sister Kate never had. "Lanie he wanted to show me my scars don't make me ugly, how did he know that I thought they do? He had me show him I wasn't scared or embarrassed he touched it and let me know that's okay too." …_

_"Kate that man, that man is so damn wonderful. __Hhe__ loves you unconditionally, but that doesn't mean you will have the happy ending with him. It does mean he wants you to be happy. I think we might be about to find out just how much that means to him." _

_"How do you know that?" _

_"Kate, honey open your eyes hear him and open your heart if not for yourself for your mom, for Rick."… "We're all __gonna__ hurt when this is done, hurting doesn't mean we __aren't loved__ it means mistakes were made. It means we are human, just know you are loved don't forget don't hide."_

Castle and his daughter join the others. Victoria Gates is still in the room.

Castle looks at the Captain then to Kate Beckett … Beckett says … "She should hear this. If she wants me out of the 12th I will accept that." … this is the first of the loud bombs to go off.

_"Captain Gates, I'm sure you meant what you said, but I will ask for your word one more time._

_Everything we discuss is off the record. I don't say this as a warning simply a promise to each and everyone here if any of this leaves this room my attorneys will make your life miserable and yes I do know a guy or two. _

_Actually everyone needs to agree this is between us, I will share what is appropriate with my mother though she probably knows most of this already. Anyone have a problem with that?"_

Captain Gates … "I give all of you my word. I do need to ask that you call me Vicki. I have no idea what I am about to hear just think it should be as a friend and not your Captain. Fair enough?"

Castle "Vicki, Thank You."

Castle takes a quick look at his watch … damn there's no way he can cover the things that he needs to cover and get to the Children's Hospital Benefit that starts at eight. "Excuse me one minute."

He pulls his phone out … "Gina this situation is taking longer. I have to be there as well see if you can get them to move me either to the start or later … let me know."

"Okay, time is running and I do have to attend the Children's Hospital Benefit tonight.

I may have to leave and then come back. Gina will let me know in a few minutes.

Before we get started I take no pleasure in what is about to happen. I certainly share some of the blame and possibly a lot of it. In time I hope to understand and learn from this.

Yes, I am angry at everyone in this room except Jenny and Alexis. Jenny you are an innocent bystander in this I will say things that will no doubt cause you a lot of pain and for that I can only offer my sincere apology.

I did not choose to take a stand today. I wanted to give all of us the benefit of time, nature's way of healing painful emotions before I contacted each one of you.

No doubt your first question is why didn't I just say so … simple really the damn wall of blue. By the time I arrived the morning after the bombing case the stone wall was already up.

Detective Ryan and Detective Esposito you told me early on never hurt Detective Kate Beckett or else. The looks you gave me when I walked in that morning told me I had been tried and convicted in abstention at that point there was no point in offering an explanation _YOU DID NOT CARE ENOUGH TO ASK LET ALONE HEAR ONE._"

The last words were said with added emphasis … he paused … "Esposito you have the floor, I do remind everyone of the conditions break them and you are gone."

Castle's hard cold edge was back and the slight hint of happiness was no longer visible. Javier Esposito saw a side of Castle that he remembers seeing only when Kate's life was threatened by Lockwood barely controlled rage.

Castle glanced at his watch again … 6:22 … he had to change how they would talk this out.

"Castle, Thank You, for hearing us out. I am angry you have hurt Kate and it's all I can do not to tear you limb from limb. While I have the skills I … well I hope you understand." Esposito then went on to explain the timeline that they had constructed. He finished off with "Any questions can you fill us in?"

Castle stood up and walked to the board. A wry smile … "Well at least you focused in on the end point. Your timeline is way off. I'm not playing games, but I am not going to just give you the answer you want. It's never that simple or easy … all of you know that. Hang on I think its Gina." He pulls his phone out.

"Hi Gina … okay thanks."

"Well the options were not great. Gina just called in a huge favor and my time to speak at the Benefit was moved up. I will have to leave in an hour. I should stay, but my commitment to Children's Hospital is my word. I can be back by 9:00 at the latest possibly a little bit earlier. Alexis you need to get ready."

"Dad I think I will stay home if you are just giving your speech and coming back." Castle just nods in agreement. The he addresses everyone.

"Let me look at the board again and while I do that think about what you want for dinner. I am assuming that no one wants to table this until tomorrow." A brief pause as he looks at everyone. "I didn't think so. Vicki this may be a long night you may want to call your husband or the Precinct."

Castle takes a minute and then walks to his office. He closes the door and then pulls up his smart screen. He opens up the control panel and sets the secondary output to the large flat panel in the living room. Taking the handheld control for the smart screen with him he goes back to the living room. He's debating when to talk about the secret that will be the final blow.

"Sorry everyone I should have done this earlier. Okay before I address the timeline and answer the questions that will fill in what happened I need to ask each of you a few important questions."

"Is there a difference in a secret and a lie?" … everyone agrees there is though a secret can also be a lie.

"If a secret would be painful to someone is it okay to keep it from them if their knowing was potentially worse than the pain of it being kept from them? Is it okay to keep a secret even though you know that it will make someone angry?" … they agree there are times a secret needs to be kept to protect someone even though the person would be angry if they knew the secret.

"Each of you needs to answer this question. Vicki I will start with you. You have a choice tell the person you love the secret and they will be in grave danger or keep it from them and they are safe from the danger. Which do you choose?"

"Rick of course you keep them safe, but you would hate yourself for doing so."

For those who knew about Captain Montgomery's involvement in the kidnapping of mobsters, they jumped to the conclusion that Castle's questions related to that. The assumption was close.

Castle had no problem reading Beckett's eyes … "We promised to keep it between us." She could read his thought … "It's not just Roy." The pain flashed. She understood there was something about her mom's case.

Everyone including Beckett agreed you keep your loved one safe if telling them puts them in harm's way. Beckett was biting her lip and pondering the reference to a lie. Castle did not elaborate further. Instead he turned to the timeline constructed by the team/friends/family.

"I will get back to that in a moment. Now let's look at this timeline again. I could answer the burning question, but it will not tell the whole story. I can tell you that within your timeline you have not asked each other the right questions.

If I tell you what happened it will be quick, but not sure it won't be more painful than. If you answer it yourselves by asking the right questions it may lessen the blwo. I can answer some questions when I get back. Keep in mind that if I give you the answer right now I have made a promise to the auction for Children's Hospital and I will keep the promise I leave in thirty minutes."

Beckett speaks up … "We'll work on it. Rick, umm Castle should we wait until you are back to figure it out?"

"Kate I have never lied to you and won't. You do know what you did. It will hurt I never want to see that. But yes I guess I should be here when you figure it out. Ryan, Espo, I need a promise from you … Kate you won't like this I need one from you as well."

"Come with me … damn I wish you all had shown up tomorrow." The three friends follow Castle to his office. Castle closes the doors. "Guys whatever happens in the next five minutes promise me you will not let Kate leave. Kate you must promise me you will not leave until we finish all of this. I have to leave, but I will be back. Agreed?" All three answer yes, Kate did add one comment.

"Rick your scaring me."

"Kate I'm sorry and it will hurt. You will hate me.

I had a choice keep the worst secret imaginable or keep you alive." Rick reaches over and turns off the screen saver for the smart panel.

It takes about ten seconds for it to register … "You bastard!"

"Yes, I am figuratively and literally.

There is little here that you don't know.

Now this right here is why I had no choice.

I knew that doing this would likely end any chance of Always … at least in anything beyond friends and I doubt you consider me a friend any longer. I now understand that was all we would ever be. It does not matter when it comes to this secret.

I would do it every day one hundred times a day if it keeps you alive.

Right after we talked to the fire investigator I received a call from "Mr. Smith" I doubt that's his name of course.

He said if I kept you from digging further you live, if not you would die.

The track record in this case is clear killing is not an issue. This man "Smith" was a friend of Roy's and he received a package from Roy whatever Roy sent him is insurance … not enough to actually get him charged with a crime, but enough to buy life insurance with."

"Kate just go ahead shoot me. No I'm not joking, because as long as I live so help me if you go digging …"

"Rick we have nothing to talk about."

"Espo … Ryan … if she still feels that way when I get back then leave, but keep her here until I return."

"Kate I get that I was never your one and done, but you said I was your partner. Partners have each other's back.

I also promised your father and Roy that I would do my best to protect you. I am keeping the promise.

I just can't do it alone … that's why Bob Weldon was framed to make sure he kept me at the 12th. I can no longer do that and stay sane, but as long as you stay away then I believe Smith can keep you safe.

If whoever this "dragon" is won't let me leave the 12th … you may have to quit and go underground I have the means to make that happen for you and your dad. Choose life Kate."

Castle picked up his tux jacket and bow tie before walking out leaving the three partners to think about what he said. He knew that Kate Beckett had a lot to say she was just in shock and the anger would come soon enough.

"Alexis order whatever everyone wants for dinner. Make sure there are enough snacks and drinks for a long night. Lanie, can I talk to you please?"

Lanie walks over and Castle takes her into the rarely used dining room. "Lanie we do need to get this over with. Kate probably hates me. It may be for the best.

If you all leave before I return all I ask is one day let her know that I truly did love her. I know that my dream for us was not hers. I will eventually accept that as best I can." The deep sense of loss was painfully loud despite the few barely spoken words.

"Castle … "

"Lanie no need to say more. I know that all of you will be lost to me I made the only choice. The deadly secret that would destroy what I dreamed for." Castle turns and heads back to the living room Kate, Espo and Ryan are back.

Ryan has sat back down by Jenny and is hugging her tightly. The three detectives have red eyes and raw emotions. Javi leans over to Castle and whispers … "We'll stay till you get back." As he pulls back the look in his eyes tells Castle, "Thank you for making the right choice. I know what it cost you."

"Everyone I have to go I will return as soon as I can. While I am gone fill in as many points along the way from the first time I met you up until the bombing.

Vicki Gates … "Castle a word before you go?" … Castle nods and follows him out the door. "You've been protecting her from whoever wants her dead." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"You should have told me."

"Vicki you were IAB." Another statement with a message … it silently says that corrupt police are behind Beckett's shooting.

"They know that I will fill you in when I return. They don't like it especially Kate. Hell I don't like it, but it's time. I am leaving and there need to be others who can help keep Beckett safe. I really do have to run. I will be back by nine."

Gates goes back inside the loft as Castle steps on the elevator.

Taking control so there is not too much time spent worrying … "Okay people let's get food ordered and then fill in this timeline."

Despite all the talking the silence is deafening. Everyone in the room knows they have only just begun. What they don't know is the turn that awaits when Castle arrives at the Benefit. The timing of the arrival leads to an ominous change in Castle's mood.

It started when Castle literally bumped into Dr. Josh Davidson – on the risk of being accurate it was Josh who nearly steam rolled Castle it wasn't intentional, but no apology was offered by Josh. Castle of course offered a sincere apology "Hey Josh sorry about" while Josh just stormed off. It was awkward to say the least. The last time Castle had seen the doctor was when Davidson was sitting with Kate while she lay in her hospital bed.

Within five minutes he would also see Agent Will Sorenson and Detective Tom Demming. The memories come pouring in and pushed Castle to the brink. Castle was on a short fuse by the time he returned to his loft. The tension was simmering. Then again Kate Beckett had been steaming on the secret for nearly two hours. One or both need to give, but how likely is that after all they have been through?


	5. She Knows

Silent Boom Chapter 5

A/N … Yes Castle is way out of sorts. Remember he has nearly four years of love and emotions built into his supposedly future with Beckett and the friendships both of which are damaged if not destroyed by Beckett's lie. It's not the simple self-preservation lie that Beckett seems to think it is. Their friends sided with her without even bothering to ask. He knew that Beckett had thought of him as a rich pompous playboy and after all the years of allowing her and the team inside his walls he is hurt deeply and is acting out. It's weird, but he's not violent or getting stinking drunk. I really do appreciate the reviews. The fourth chapter was strange, but for some reason, I just went with him being pretty put out, but his friends' lack of respect / consideration to what he may have planned. Remember he had already told them he did not want to talk about it.

* * *

><p>Previously …<p>

_The team prepares a "murder board" in an attempt to figure out what happened between Castle and Beckett._

_Originally, the team thought it was something Castle had done, and he got the silent blue wall from the Precinct._

_When the "murder board" had more holes in the timeline then info the team went on a raid to ambush Castle at his loft. That went over like a lead balloon._

_**Fifteen Minutes Before Castle Will Return … Castle's Loft**_

Beckett is pacing; she's angry and confused, hurt, hopeful, distraught, yeah pretty much every emotion under the sun, but anger is winning by a wide margin. She is pacing out by the front door to get away from everyone, and because she wants to confront Castle, drag him into his office alone. Everyone else is over by the three large white boards. They've added lots of cases, but only Alexis, and Kate knows the majority of the problem is not going to be the cases. There is a lot of personal stuff that only Beckett or Castle can add to the board. Beckett's been too upset to even think about. Her latest thought was "It's just like when he dug into my mother's murder after I warned him not too." Then she reluctantly admits no it's had he not looked into her mom's case they would never have found her killer, who pay for his crime or learn that her death was a hit to cover a conspiracy … it still hurt, and she was furious he had kept information from her.

Just as Beckett has turned and is striding towards the door during her hundredth or so lap she hears someone inserting a key into the luck … she angrily strides to the door and opens the door somewhat violently … startling … Martha Rodgers … the anger on Beckett's face is there just long enough for Martha to recognize it for what it is. Until recently Martha was very hopeful that her son and Kate Beckett would finally see what they had in each other. She no longer felt that way. Martha has always been one to have class and style; the few times her emotions have shown people have seen a formidable woman. The look on Beckett's face quickly throws the momma bear switch into high gear. …

"Detective Beckett, hello I know Richard is out having a lovely time." The very loud yet silent question unsaid was_ you have some nerve and why are you here_.

"umm Martha, Ms. Rodgers" Kate stammers.

"Ms. Rodgers, yes he does we're waiting for him to return everyone is in the living room."

"Well are you going to let me into my own home?" Martha asked. Kate realized this was at least part of the reason Martha was less than her friendly self.

"Oh, Martha I'm so sorry." Kate is embarrassed, and she runs into Castle's office closing the door behind her.

Of course, she basically runs right into the smart board that has the glaring proof of Castle's secret his lie as far as Beckett's concerned. Becket stares at the board while the tears flow, and the anger builds.

Martha then walked into the living area and coldly greets everyone except for Alexis, Jenny Ryan and Captain Gates.

It's a very awkward moment. Alexis quickly goes to her grandmother and takes her by the hand. "Come on grams we need to talk." They go upstairs to Martha's room where Alexis fills her in on the events of the last four and a half hours. They arrive back downstairs just as Castle returns.

* * *

><p>The first thing Castle says … "Where's Detective Beckett?" The tone his bitter and no on misses the formal title and not her first name. Alexis points to his office. Castle walks to the door and yanks it open. Of course Beckett is startled she turns and the eyes lock on. It is visual sparring with intensity of two male rams battering into each other over and over.<p>

Beckett expects to win the stare down it wasn't even close … she breaks … "How good you?"

Castle slams the door close and walks right by her into his bedroom, Kate hesitates before turning and chasing him down intent on having her say. "Castle … "

He turns so fast she stops talking. "Detective Beckett not now, I am going to change. Then we will have this out since you and your cohorts want a fight, but it will be civil or you can get the hell out."

Kate starts working her lower lip in overdrive refusing to cower under his tone or to lose the glaring contest. She gulps when Castle just rips his shirt off not taking time to undo the buttons of what was surely and expensive formal shirt.

He continues to undress and she refuses to turn away. She never expected him to strip naked. She's still glaring, but inside her stomach. Yeah she's sure it's her stomach is doing flips.

Castle was so enraged over having seen all three of Beckett's former lovers that he never even thought when he had the urge to take another shower. Once he realized she was staring even if she was angry he couldn't help but laugh. "Beckett I had the decency to turn around when your apartment exploded. Either do so or so help me … "

"What Castle, you're the one who stripped in front of me? I've seen lots of naked men before."

"Beckett I've been a gentleman for nearly four years I suggest you get out of my room unless you want your clothes ripped off, and your ASS spanked. In the mood, I'm in you wouldn't sit for a month."

"You wouldn't … " She doesn't get the "dare" out of her mouth before he crabs her and holds her by her wrists … she's shocked when he can do so with one hand.

"Don't push it Beckett. I've put up with your c*ck teasing ways far too long. Get out!" he shoves her onto his bed and storms into his bathroom. It was done to stop him from yanking her into his arms and kissing her with everything he had. Simply an act of self control.

Beckett sits on the bed choking in the tears and trying to gain control his vulgar insult hit its mark with a powerful blow to the center of her chest. She can't help but wonder where did that come from ..._ what is wrong with him?_ His behavior is so off she can't even speak. She can't move afraid to join the others sure that they would sense her anger and lust … after all make up sex is intense combined with years of longing. She was sure everyone would see just how badly she wanted him.

After ten minutes, she stands up and goes back to the smart board. Five minutes later Castle is dressed and walks by her without saying a word. He does grab the remote for the smart board. Every time he looks at her, he desperately wants to grab her and kiss away all the pain to show her how much he loves her. Then he remembers the lie, the depth of the lie and her games that stops him in his tracks.

Castle goes straight to his bar and grabs a glass pours a healthy dose of scotch. He brings the bottle with him and sets it on a side table near the three whiteboards. Marta walks over places her hand on the small of his back. "Richard, are you sure you want to do this?" He replies "No. However, it needs to be done."

Everyone watches as Castle turns and looks toward his office. He's about to call for Beckett when she appears at the door and gently closes it behind her. Her face is nearly impossible to read. It's a much better version of her poker face, and that is deadly. Esposito sees the pain behind and his temper flares.

"Detective Beckett, please take your seat. Does anyone need a drink or anything before we get started?"

"Dad did you eat? Should I fix you something?" Alexis knew that it was very unlikely her father had eaten. They had a late brunch, so he was probably close to ten hours since he last had any food.

"I guess a sandwich would be okay something simple." He does it for a stall rather than any real desire to eat. He turns and takes a very long pull on his glass of scotch. He tops off the drink again just to give himself a little more time to calm down or at least try.

Martha is closely watching her son. She's only seen him this angry a few times he won't be violent, but his gift for words can become a very effective weapon. The group of people in the room has no idea just how deeply hurt her son it. This level of hurt is almost always caused by betrayal of trust and deep unconditional love. The "friends" betrayed his trust, and the muse betrayed his love. Martha felt sorry for everyone, but of course, the most sympathy was for her son and granddaughter. Yes, Alexis was hurting as well both for father and for the friends who had briefly become an odd family. This was likely going to end in a bitter divorce.

Castle turns from studying the boards with the new timeline. "Okay, might as well get this over with. Detective Beckett what did you decide about Vicki?"

"Castle, she might as well know it all."

"Everyone before I say anything more. It's already 9:30. This is either going to be a very long night, or we do some tonight and pick it back up in the morning. Because from what I see, you are not close to having the facts on your timeline, and frankly, I am not in a giving mood, consider me a very uncooperative witness, but be careful how you question anyone. This will be civil or you will leave, and I promise you it will be the last time we ever speak."

Beckett speaks up … "Castle, why won't you us? What did I do? What did any of us do? You're my partner and friend."

"Really Beckett you could have fooled me." Sarcasm has a new definition.

Esposito, "Come on Bro …" The glare in response shut it down quickly.

The wry smirk that shows on Castle's face wakes everyone up. Martha and Beckett have seen that before. It always shoes up when Castle has come up with an idea that will hammer home a point.

"Esposito you and Ryan were leading the wall of blue silence, not to mention the threatening looks. I get it Beckett's your "brother in blue" and your sister. In fact, both of you gave me multiple don't you hurt her or else lectures, and yes I knew you were not joking. Since you convicted me without asking or caring why my demeanor changed, and yes I fully admit it did. Make your case, present your evidence, question witnesses." Castle pauses ….

"One word of caution this is your last chance to walk away. We all shake hands say thanks for the memories and go our separate ways. All of you will continue to do fine work at the 12th and for the city, we all love. We would only need to work out that one matter that we briefly discussed earlier. By the way, if we do this that is on the table, with Alexis and Jenny to be excluded from that. My honor has been questioned. I will fight fair, but it will be bloody. I have no doubt that at the end everyone will think I am the bastard whom Beckett claimed I was. While that is probably true, Beckett will be hurt by what will be said, and I suspect all of us will. I have no desire to hurt Detective Beckett. It is hardly a secret that I love her more than any woman I've ever known, second only to my daughter and since it is a different type of love they cannot be compared. So I ask is this so important that all of you are willing to risk the damage it will likely cause?"

Beckett speaks up … "Castle, Rick, please look at me. I don't understand what I did, why you went from loving me to hating me in just days. I've barely slept the last two weeks I can't figure this out. If I have to take a beating to know, then do it, not knowing will kill me."

Castle … "Lanie?"

Lanie … "All of us have watched you two danced around what you have. None of us understand, and Kate has to know it will break her permanently if she doesn't. I don't want to do this. I just don't see a choice if you won't talk."

Castle … "Lanie you need to ask your friend how many times I have tried to talk to get her to address all of this. I think I will give you four a few minutes. Mother and Alexis, let's go in my office. Vicki you're kind of stuck in the middle you are welcome to join us. I just want to let them decide if this is really what they want.

Gates did decide to go with the Castles. She's been observing the dynamics of the team and has some concerns. "Castle, are you sure about this?"

"Vicki I assure you it is the last thing I want to do. They chose to come to my home and demand answers. They betrayed a nearly four-year partnership and my personal trust. In all honesty, most of the problem involves the relationship between Beckett and me. I don't want to tell her in part because I think she already knows and is just in denial, but if she is going to get hurt, I do want her family with her. They will hate me, and that's fine. They have to stay as team and have each other's back. I really hope they will decide that they don't want to risk hurting her."

"Rick she really doesn't understand the depth of your love I suspect. I do know she is a very smart and stubborn woman she should back down we know she won't."

"My only hope is that somehow it will help her find happiness down the road. I've never met a more extraordinary person … the lie was bad enough … confronting me in my own home … No."

Alexis gives her dad a hug. She doesn't let go, and Martha joins them. Captain Gates puts a hand up on Castle's shoulder then says … "Rick; I am sorry I should have intervened when the silent treatment started, I know there is more to it. You don't deserve this. I hope that somehow things will work out. I do believe she loves you as much as you love her. I know you don't believe that any longer."

There's a knock on the door. Lanie's speaks "Castle?" clearly asking him to come join them to talk.

"Come in."

"Excuse me can I talk to Castle alone please?"

"Castle I'ma asking you one more time can you just tell us?"

"Lanie she knows she is denying it perhaps even to herself. She stood by and let me step back she never asked. Now in the last four years how many times has she told me to leave, it was over, each time I got the cold shoulder, when I step back I get blamed, I can't win. The boys led the silent treatment. I don't owe any of you an explanation. I thought you were my friends; we were a crazy happy loving family. So unless everyone wants to leave … fights on, and I fight to win. I will take no pleasure in that, but coming to my home to confront me? Really, just whose idea was that?"

"Come on Castle you two should be together not divorcing. I'ma hating this already, I am the idiot who suggested we came to see you. I thought you would refuse otherwise Kate's devastated can't you see that."

A big gulp of air, Castle takes another deep breathe. Lanie sees the comment about devastation got to Rick. He still cares, but on what level?

Castle is the only one standing. Martha and Alexis are together sharing a large chair with Alexis half sitting on the arm. Vicki Gates is in the matching chair across from them, while Beckett, Lanie and Ryan are on the couch. Esposito has pulled one of the stools from the breakfast bar around and is waiting.

"Detective Beckett, since you need this so badly you need to lead your investigation. Approach it; however, you like, but I will help you out just a bit. For anything up to the day the protest bombing took place any of us are your witnesses. My mother does know what happened, I told her after the fact, and therefore, she cannot be questioned about anything that took place during the case. With Alexis, I will ask that you consider how difficult the case was for all of us and promise you she was not a witness to what happened. I do suspect she knows or has figured it out. I do think with you in command we can get to the bottom of this sooner."

"Castle we've already gone over our time line."

"Beckett you're better than this. You would never give up on a case this easily. Ask the right questions of the right people."

"Castle …" She bites her lower lip while looking at the board yet again. "Earlier you told us that everything from the day we met up to the end of the bombing case could be involved. Could you be more specific?"

"I could." Castle starts to leave it at that decides not to. "Detective I will tell you that this started from the first case and that yes the smaller window you created does cover the time frame of when I realized things were not what I had been led to believe."

Everyone is looking like they don't know what to make of his statement. He basically is saying that something happened during the Wall Street bombing case that changed how he looked at the entire time of their relationship. Beckett's thought was filled with frustration wondering if he could be vaguer. Castle reads her like a book she hates when he tells her how to do her job, but this is too easy.

"Detective Beckett, tell the story."

Her memory flashes back to the very first case when she wanted to knock the smirking, I know it all smile off his face the one where he first said; "It's always about the story." That had proven repeatedly to be correct. She hated it right now, but looks back at the board.

After a moment of thought … "Castle you were about to tell me something important when we were at our desk on the day of the bombing are you angry because we were interrupted?"

"No."

"Is it because I didn't make time for you later that night to talk?"

"No."

"It was important correct?"

"Very."

"When did it change?"

"Nice try."

"Arggh if it was so important, then why did you not walk to talk about it when we could?"

"It was no longer important." The answer frustrates Beckett.

"Be more specific."

"I discovered that what I had been ready to talk about was no longer important it was irrelevant." Beckett tries not to let her frustration show. She bites on the marker in her hand. Oh, wait another point on the time line. She looks at the board and adds a mark for "Castle talk at desk interrupted"

"Did the "incident" happen after the interruption?"

"Yes."

Beckett steps back and looks at the smaller period of time late in the day of the bombing to the point when Castle said he was going home. Just a little more than twenty-four hours yet during that time there were only a few points that she was with Castle.

"Castle, were you and I together when whatever happened?"

"No."

Her frustration clearly showing … "Then how did we … go from important to … arghh?"

"Sorry, so something happened when we weren't together that changed how you feel?"

"Not how I feel."

"If you feel the same, then why the sudden change?"

"It became clear that where I thought things were going was wrong."

"Huh, you're telling us that something happened, and you no longer saw a future for us … as partners?" She couldn't label them any other way. Partners had long been her codename for "everything" eventually.

"Yes exactly."

Beckett was visibly shaken by that admission. She quickly grabbed her coffee and took several long sips trying to calm her nerves … yeah, that makes sense drink caffeine to calm the nerves. It works for Beckett it's a support thing.

"Castle I understand if your answer is yes did you decide you have to end "us" to protect Alexis and Martha? You know I love what your family means to you."

"While this certainly affects them, and they are hurt by this; the answer is no. If Alexis wants to continue her internship with Dr. Parish, I fully support her choice. At the time, I intended to continue. My decision not to is a direct result of how things have gone since the case closed." He knows that Alexis has made her decision, but he had left the decision to her. It was not his story to tell.

"Castle, come on you know we do theory together help me out."

"You're asking the wrong questions and to the wrong person."

Castle looks at his watch. Its twenty minutes to eleven, and Beckett is still struggling to pin point when things went to hell. He knows it's the personal aspect, the emotions. He decides to take pity on her or is it himself.

"Beckett, who is your victim in "the case "and who are the witnesses you need to use them?"

"You, me … us?" She says as she struggles with deciding just who the victim is.

"Yes, well me at least while you're involved you're hardly a victim, to be a victim that would mean you cared." His words came out far colder than he intended.

Having just taken a sip of coffee Beckett choked on it as she realized what he had said. "What the hell you think I don't care?" It wasn't a yell though it was damn close. Then the pain washed over her face, "You really think I don't care how could you possibly think that?"

"Because … because I don't know that you ever had the same dream. That you wanted the same thing, I thought you did, but I found out you do not."

"Damn it Castle that's not true." It was a plea … to believe her; it sounded like she actually believed it. Everyone else had become witnesses and they were not even in the thoughts of Castle and Beckett. Castle took a deep breath.

"Beckett, you need to use your witnesses. I am taking the fifth until you stop denying what happened. Call your next witness."

Ryan breaks in … "Kate, come on talk to us we're here."

Beckett leans against the stool. She took a look at the last day of the case; she can eliminate all the case-related interaction with Castle. Leaving only the brief time they were talking early in the day, after the arrest … wait, he was already not himself. He was pointed during the interview with the reporter who triggered the bomb ... hmm.

Beckett takes another sip of her coffee and lost in thought does what she always does she sets her cup back on her desk. Only, there is no desk and when she lets go the cup falls to the floor. When the contents spill out, it creates a burst of noise … much quieter than before, but would be just as loud as the previous time Richard Castle called out her name … "Kate!" He was not angry just concerned.

Alexis runs to the kitchen to get towels. Soon the coffee is mopped up as best as it can be.

"Castle I'm sorry I will pay for the cleaning."

Alexis, "Beckett here's a fresh cup." Castle coffee … oh how she missed this the last time … wait when … a quick glance at the board. She rushes over and puts a new item on the time line. She remembered there had been cup on her desk after the interview. Castle wasn't there so where was he? When did he bring the coffee? He was not with them when they picked up the pick pocket. If he was not with them, it didn't matter anyway.

The realization that there had been coffee on her desk when she finished the interview triggered several thoughts. Castle had dropped it off. He must have come in while she was interviewing the pick pocket and then left for some reason. So why did he leave she wondered. "Castle …" she started to ask him a question and he stopped her.

"Beckett I told you to use your witnesses." He was growing tired of her game of denial, but he could play along out of spite at this point.

A flash of memory from that day of seeing the coffee on her desk and the simple pleasure it gave her knowing he cared enough to take the time to drop it off … oh yeah Espo was there.

"Javi what did you tell me when I saw my coffee on my desk, I asked you something." She was pointing to where the entry was on the timeline.

"Kate you asked if Castle had been there. I told you he had been."

"Umm so he just dropped my coffee off and left. Where did he go did he say?"

"No that was later. I told him we had the suspect and you were in interrogation. You know how he loves to watch you interrogate suspects. Castle set your coffee on your desk then went to observation I saw him later he was in a hurry to go somewhere."

The words reverberated inside Kate's head … he does love to watch me interrogate. I'll never admit that the thought of him watching me of … oh stop … she steps back up to the board. She made a mark to indicate Castle watched the interview then left in a hurry … mentally asking why? The pick pocket denied the bomb was his it turned out not to be. He had picked it up off the ground by accident, but he made that silly claim to not remembering then saying it must be that PTSD stuff … god that had pissed me off … I broke him when I told him ….

"No on please no! Please Castle you didn't … " The wailing cry fell dead when Kate saw the look on Rick's face it was hidden under the rage, but the rage was fueled by what she had done and worse how he found out. For the second time, her coffee crashed to the floor this time Beckett went down with it.

Castle was the first to reach her … everyone could see his fear, he still loved her, and she was in trouble. All of them except Gates flashed back to the dreadful day …

"Kate … Kate" he spoke to her. Her eyes were wide open the shock and horror on her face … the tears rolling out of the corners of her eyes were huge … Lanie said, "Rick let me see." She gently pushed him to the side. Kate's eyes followed his face … she knew he had found out in the worst way … this was bad really bad.

"Somebody please get a damp towel and a glass of water."

Turning to Rick, Lanie said … "We need to get her off the floor she needs to lie down." For a brief few minute, all his anger and hurt was gone … Castle gently carried Kate into his room carefully laying her on his king-sized bed. "Take care of her Lanie" he said when tried to let go and walk away Kate grasped his hand in a death grip … "No stay please." His deeply wounded pride and humiliation were too raw … "Lanie will take care of you." He leaned down and kissed her forehead then gently pried his hand loose. He turned and walked away.

When he joined the others in the living room, their looks of concern filled the room.

"Lanie says Kate needs to calm down that she will be okay."

Martha, "Richard?" just his name was enough to know she was asking how Kate was.

Esposito, "Castle?" same question.

"She knows. She needs to tell it's not mine to say."

_They'll wait ... bitterly Castle waits knowing she lied and worse had played him for a very long time._


	6. Scorched Earth

Silent Boom Chapter 6

A/N … Yes Castle is way out of sorts. He trusted all of them and found out that no matter what he would never be inside the blue line. Worse was the friends weren't quite the friends he thought, or so it seems. He has his own issues, and some of them are coming out in an ugly way. He kept pushing things to the back that needed to be dealt with all because he loved her like no other. The problem with that is when they fester, they can come back to bite you. Try not to be too upset at the out of character stuff. Stress and lost love is a potent combination. There may be other unknown factors at play.

_**Previously …**_

_Turning to Rick, Lanie said … "We need to get her off the floor she needs to lie down." For a brief few minutes, all his anger and hurt was gone … Castle gently carried Kate into his room carefully laying her on his king-sized bed. "Take care of her Lanie" he said when he tried to let go and walk away Kate grasped his hand in a death grip … "No stay please." His deeply wounded pride and humiliation were too raw … "Lanie will take care of you." He leaned down and kissed her forehead then gently pried his hand loose. He turned and walked away._

_When he joined the others in the living room, their looks of concern filled the room._

_"Lanie says Kate needs to calm down that she will be okay."_

_Martha, "Richard?" just his name was enough to know she was asking how Kate was._

_Esposito, "Castle?" same question._

_"She knows. She needs to tell it's not mine to say."_

Castle gives Alexis a hug, "Pumpkin can you see about getting everyone something to eat and drink. It will be a while possibly tomorrow before we finish. I'm sorry I drug you into this don't hate Kate, Lanie, or the boys, I'm beginning to think no one realized what was happening it doesn't change what happened, but in time I will forgive."

Martha slips off to Rick's room. She finds the two friends in a quiet reflective moment. The look on Lanie's face says Kate has not yet confided in what brought on the feinting episode and what is driving the look of sorrow etched deeply in Kate's eyes. "Can I come in?" it's caring a bit distant she's still very upset about what was done to her son. She also knows how deeply he loves the trouble young woman, and she suspects the feeling is mutual after having very serious doubts for the last two weeks. A nod from Lanie and no response from Kate and Martha entered the room.

"How is she?" "Kate is there anything I can do?" Martha asked.

Lanie speaks up. "I think she needs to rest. She won't say what happened, but she knows. That water and perhaps some fruit or a sandwich she barely ate anything earlier. Actually, a cup of coffee, but not one of those things Rick brings her every morning. That would not be good."

"I'll see to it. Kate, take your time and if you need we can talk tomorrow."

Martha slips out and Lanie quickly follows.

"Martha I need to ask you … I need to know to be able to help her … is it too late?"

"Lanie I know my son; he's deeply hurt and very bitter at the moment. Kate Beckett was and always will be the love of his life. He's also very angry and emotionally exhausted. Honestly, the damage may be too great, at least for the time being that is not what you wanted to be told, it is the truth. One other truth if Kate or any of you ever need anything just let me know. Richard will take care of all of you … he takes care of those he loves … even when that huge heart is to broken to be around any longer. Oh, I hate to say this, but I don't think we have finished rather it is far more likely there is much more to come out."

We next see Martha in the kitchen. Alexis is working with Jenny on food and drinks. They look to Martha as she joins them. "She needs some time." Nothing more was said or needed. Across the loft, Esposito and Ryan are looking at the "murder board" they have both figured out that Castle saw something it had to be something Beckett said. They turn to look at Castle who is lost in a lot of emotions. He is staring at the city yet anyone who looks at him knows he is not seeing anything. At least, nothing outside of his memories and from the sorrow and loss written all over his face the memories are not good, though they probably once were.

Esposito … "Come on." He walks toward Castle. Ryan follows.

"Castle can we talk?"

Ryan, "yeah talk … we're … man … We're sorry we had no idea." He means it, yet fails to understand that admitting they had done exactly what Castle said they had done did not make it better. The apology was not going to fix things between them that would take time. Time they did not seem to have.

"Gentleman, I appreciate your apology. As for talking, other than whatever Beckett is up for the only thing left to discuss is the case. I will continue to do what I can, but it will be difficult from afar."

"Castle, come on Bro don't talk like that you're not going anywhere." Esposito meant it. Yet again another very smart detective had failed to see what was in plain view at least if the person looking bothered to see the forest for the trees. In this case, one had to see what was not there rather than what was. Someone paying attention to details would have noticed that all the possessions that make a house a home are no longer on the shelves. Family pictures, awards, personal knick knacks were all gone. The home was stunning the usual warmth was missing. The detective missed that because of the tension in the room.

"Are you sure about that? Now if you excuse me, I need to make some calls."

As Castle walked off down the hall while he lifted his phone to his ear. Esposito flashed back to a similar conversation … one where he said almost the same thing to Beckett.

_Esposito_

_So...Castle's last case, huh?_

_BECKETT_

_Mm-hmm._

_ESPOSITO_

_Ryan and I thought we'd do a little going away party._

_BECKETT_

_Yeah, well, it's not like he's leaving forever._

_ESPOSITO_

_You sure about that? Why do you think he's been following you around all this time? What, research? The guy's done enough research to write 50 books. Look, whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't include watching you be with another guy._

"Ryan we need to talk to Lanie. I think Castle is really leaving." He still does not realize the loft is no longer a home."

Castle's in a room with a lot of boxes marked; den, living, office, Christmas, Halloween, St. Patrick's Day and more … a lot like moving boxes. There are new boxes yet to be opened and taped for use leaning against the wall. Seeing the boxes stoke the anger the careless way that Beckett has used him has made his home a place he can no longer stand to live in. The city he loves a place he now loathes. It will pass in time, but not without a long break and lots of distance between them. The saving grace is he can write from anywhere.

"Jordan it's Rick Castle, I'm sorry to bother you so late on a Saturday." … "Yes it's very important. See you then and thanks."

Another call … "Gina, have the releases ready by noon. Thanks. The other thing needs to be ready by Monday."

Esposito, Ryan and his wife are walking into Castle's bedroom to see Lanie and Kate. The wonder of the room is not lost on the three of them.

Ryan … "WOW"

Jenny … "Oh my."

Esposito's face says it all … he looks to Lanie and Kate. Kate's clearly been crying and looks deeply hurt, but more. A flash of anger he has to clench his fists … nobody hurts Kate. She sees the look it means the world.

"Javi no it's not Rick's fault I really screwed up here. Way more than you know. Let it go."

"Kate, we all did. I think we are about to get our asses handed to us. That's not important. Well, it is, but there's something more."

Lanie and Kate … "What?"

"Castle's not going to back down about the case, and I think he really is leaving."

Kate … "No. I have to fix this, and we promised it would not go outside of … "Realizing what she said Kate looked into the concerned eyes of her best friend Lanie and Jenny, Kevin's wife.

Kate … "Jenny I hate to ask, but can we have a few minutes alone. Please tell Rick that we'll be out in a few minutes."

"Sure Kate. It will be okay he loves you." Jenny smiles and really means it, she is sure that Castle and Beckett are perfect for each other.

Right after she leaves. Kate looks to Lanie and asks … "Do you know?" … "Yes, I knew when Roy died. He was too smart to go in without backup. He was on a suicide mission to protect you. I'm pretty sure Castle has been doing something equally stupid that has you angry. I know you are going to fight him over it; I wish you would just trust him."

The four friends make their way through Castle's office, each of them looking at the image on the smart screen … four hearts that skip a beat at the image of Roy Montgomery. They choose to ignore the fact that Roy kept a secret from Kate. They head to the kitchen were everyone else has gathered. The doorbell breaks the journey … Castle is quick to answer … "Agent Shaw please, come in." Castle is trying to hide his surprise he did not expect her until noon the next day.

Shaw leans in … "I just got in from Chicago something told me you needed someone on your side. Plus I'm pretty sure you are finally going to ask me for help with finding the sniper that shot Kate." The gratitude in Castle's eyes confirmed her thoughts.

Everyone had gotten drinks and food it was easier to stand around the kitchen to eat and drink. There is a lull in the conversation.

Kate Becket … "Excuse me everyone I need to explain." Before Castle can object, she quietly and humbly explains what she thinks she has done.

"I lied to Rick. If that was not bad enough he discovered my deception in the worst possible way. He heard me tell Bobby Lopez that I remember everything from when I was shot. That's not the lie. The lie was I told Rick that I could not remember what happened." … she chokes up, and tears start …

Lanie … "Kate?"

"Rick I heard you. I hung on to your words to your love. … "Kate I love you. I love you Kate." They saved my life all the work by Lanie, Josh and others would not have been enough without your love and your declaration. I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't deal with it. I needed time. I feared you only said it because I was dying. … "

"KATE! Stop." Castle has to take a few breaths. He's visibly shaking and torn. "I … let me emphasize that I … again I … do not want to hear your excuses. I believe you are sorry, and I accept that apology. I'm grateful for it in time that will help."

"Rick I do mean I regret it. I just needed time."

"Kate, are you through? I heard what you needed and why the first time. Do you think how I feel is only about the lie?"

"Apparently not, but seriously I know I didn't do anything else. Things were very good and getting better all the time … then I failed to tell you, and you found out in the most hurtful way. I will forever regret that, please believe me. However, I need you to tell me what else I did."

Castle's laughter cast a cold chill over everyone in the room. "My god, you play the innocent victim well don't you. You know I admire your dedication and skills as a detective. As good as you are mother and the rest of the actors in this town should be grateful that you chose police work over acting. They would have paled in comparison." The words cut deeply as they were intended. It was still very much a fleeting though, but Castle was good with words and the bitterness drove his honest retort. He was through with being the whipping boy and butt of Beckett's jokes.

The stunned group stood with mouths gaping. "Richard, apologize to Kate right now."

"No mother i there is one thing, I do still believe is true Kate Beckett does not want my sympathy or for me to pull any punches. She revels in the cold truth far better than she has dared to deal with what I feel and what I thought she felt as well. Anyone who wants to leave can do, so I understand. If we are going to continue I suggest everyone take a seat. What I have left to say will not take long. "If Kate chooses to respond than I will listen to what she says." With that said Castle turns and walks to the window to again steel his emotions.

He turns slowly walking back to join the fractured group of friends and family.

Castle's face is contorted with overwhelming anguish every muscle is pulsing; his eyes filled and red from the emotions.

"Kate, if you believe that all you did was lie you are delusional. The lie would have been hard to get over. Before I go on do you need to be told or do you know?"

"Tell me."

"Okay, I'm sorry I really hoped to avoid this. I have loved you from the first and will love you until the day I die. I'm a man, there will come a time I will be with another woman, but never will I love like this again. I am grateful to have known a love this deep thank you.

Now for the cliff notes on why this has destroyed what could have been, correction what I thought we were working towards. I now realize I was in this alone. The lie opened my eyes to what my heart had denied. You used me and would have been content to continue."

The gasps echoed around the room. "No Rick I never used you. How could you think that?" It was a voice filled with shock, no anger just complete shock."

"Beckett please you are better than that. I'm not looking for an apology I am just telling the truth do you need me to lay it out? I wouldn't think so."

Kate looks around her friends don't believe the accusation. But she knows they all trusted and admired Castle, they considered him family heck more than family. Martha looked like she was strongly leaning to Rick's side a hint of wonder, but the woman who had openly offered of herself as a kind of surrogate mother seemed to believe Rick's ugly accusation.

"Please Rick. By all means, lay it out for us? You know what. You prove it, and you can give me that spanking you threatened. That is if your man enough, but the last four years you never once acted like a man when it came to me. You talked big, but you never walked now did you?" As soon as she had unleashed the bitter words, she regretted them, and yet she didn't. If she had to push him into spitting out whatever warped beliefs, he was holding, then so be it. She would have him screaming apples soon enough.

The room was so still and quiet you could hear the dust as it landed on the carpet. Lanie was sure that Kate wouldn't be getting a spanking, but not so sure Kate didn't deserve one. Hell anything to heat up things and melt the glacier surrounding the hearts of Castle and Beckett. If the situation wasn't so serious, she would suggest popcorn for everyone.

Martha looked at Alexis. She wondered if she should take her to another room. The look in her granddaughter's eyes told her no point in trying that Alexis would never leave her father. She was loaded for bear it seems ready to jump to her father's defense, just as she had done when Beckett's boyfriend had blamed Rick when Kate was shot. Martha turned her attention to Jordan and Vicki, the looks shared with them were almost comical … it would be bloody; it may be the end, but passion on this level was truly what life was supposed to be about.

Castle threw a marker to Beckett "Catch you will need it to take notes since apparently that's the only way you can keep facts straight. If you need me to detail it out than your best write fast I'm not doing this all night. You want it in chronological order or should I just give you the highlights, and you can try to fill it in from there?"

"The highlights that way we can be done in ten minutes, I'm sure."

"Fine first item your lies … yes lies. You look me in the face and tell me you don't remember. Then a minute later you tell me you were tired clearly telling me to leave, and you would call me soon. Only you were lying you weren't tired you just wanted to avoid talking to me.

After a week, I knew you weren't calling, but because I loved you, I waited, I believed you would call, I trusted you. Of course, I had no idea where you were just that you had been released. You let me believe that you were still with Josh another lie. That doesn't matter motor cycle boy hero saved the day, slammed me against the wall told me I was to blame and was so out of control my daughter and your father had to stop a fight while you were fighting for your life.

Oops I guess we all lied to you about that since we made sure you never knew about that. For three months, I had no idea how you were, whether you were healing or just existing you let me believe Josh was with you, and that you had no memory of the one time in my life I told a woman other than my mother or daughter I loved her and actually meant it without any condition.

By the way, another nice little statement that I'm sure you will remember. At the time, it seemed like you were talking about being shot, now I wonder if you meant you were trying to forget ... do you remember saying, "some things are better off left not remembered." Nice Kate, You said that right after lying to me about not remembering. Not much of a stretch to think you actually would have preferred not remembering. You know Kate if you weren't interested you could have just said so it would have saved us a lot of grief now wouldn't it?

You came back to the city and to work. You didn't call. You never called you just figured it was perfectly acceptable to show up at a book signing where I'm working and drop a book into my hands here sign this now come along follow me like a good little boy. Like a fool, I did. Of course, you gave me the; I needed time … I had to think … excuses. You of course let it slip that Josh was now history and then hinted that you wanted a relationship you just needed a little more time.

I asked several times over the last six months … nope no memory. Several times when things got tight, you would show a hint of breaking down the wall, only to slam new bricks back in. However, you held your lie for ten months, during which time you led me to believe you were still dating Josh for nearly four months and then that there would be a chance for us some day. So, no do not pretend you are, miss innocent here. I'm pretty sure if you had known I was in the observation room I still wouldn't know about your lies. I would still be pining away hoping for the chance you never intended. Christ I thought Meredith was high maintenance."

He would rant for another half an hour. All the looks when they faced death, all the stolen glances. He even detailed out some of the more suggestive things she had whispered in his ear … not things he imagined, but actual quotes. He went for the kill when he brought up the three stooges. The times Kate was jealous of women who show an interest you if Castle was remotely surprised or jealous he was acting like an immature nine-year-old.

So, tell me Kate after all that and the three stooges what should I be thinking? You paraded Sorenson, Demming and Josh around. You had no problem hugging and kissing in front of your coworkers or me. When I ask you to go to dinner or attend an event you have excuses you don't want to be seen with me in public other than at crime scenes or while you are on duty, you're afraid of page six. The last few months when you actually allowed a brief touching of hands at the station you freaked out after just seconds, now when the stooges were around you can kissed all of them in the station and in front of me never once considering how I felt.

You've known since day one I was attracted to you, did I ever flaunt a woman in front of you? I doubt it. However, you continue to throw innuendo and false promises my way. Believe me after nearly four years I've come to understand it was all a game nothing but teases. I'm sure you can put the right word in front of tease.

Tell me why it is okay for you to be upset when you are dating someone, and I take my publisher to my summer home. Mind you, I did ask you first, and you lied yet again telling me you had to work. Instead of just saying you had plans with Demming."

Seething with anger he turns on Lanie, Esposito and Ryan.

"As for you and your team I want to thank you for finally showing your true colors. Sure, I got and deserved the "shoulder" at times. I should have walked the first time it was more than just a nudge. It was insulting when you arrested me for murder you didn't even ask for an explanation. You let your personal feelings get in the way of doing your job. Your buddies all gave me the wall of blue. You were angry and jealous. Here's a hint next time someone tells you they will see you in the fall. Check your calendar when you see them make sure it's actually the fall. Esposito I know the concept will be hard for you, so I will spell it out now pay attention. The day you, Beckett and Annie Oakley arrested me was September 20th, 2010 the first day of fall. Gina and I arrived back in the city at 11:35 on the ninetieth I guess I should have been at the precinct at midnight. Believe me Gina will remember she wanted to stay until the 30th, we fought over it, I insisted I was due back to resume my work with all of you on the twentieth."

At that point Esposito's temper got the best of him, and he shot off the couch; Castle saw it coming and dodged the charging detective, using self-defense skills that he rarely used. Castle skillfully used Esposito's momentum and weight to his advantage, propelling the detective into the wall. Esposito went down hard and rolled over to get back up. The attack had angered Castle even more, and he had followed knowing Esposito would come up swinging. One unexpected punch from Castle and Esposito was down, not out, but the fight was gone.

"Enough. This time not only did all of you give me the "cold shoulder" you allowed it to spread to the entire precinct."

"Kate, I have no idea why it was perfectly okay for you not to contact me for over three months when you knew absolutely knew how I felt. However, when I took my publisher to my summer home, and then I had to win a stupid bet to get back in … by the way, you should see my development notes on the second book I had figured it out the night before. I was giving you the chance to win so you could tell me to leave.

Oh, we shouldn't forget about the countless times you told me to go, to leave. My favorite being _" you know what we are we are over._" I always ... gave you time to think. I would apologize, but I was never rude or asked the others to be. However, when I learn of your lie and there was never any doubt, because every one of us knows you NEVER, repeat NEVER lie to a suspect when you are interrogating them, why don't I deserve the same time and space to deal with it? When I didn't immediately feel like talking you let the rumors and accusations fly. Congratulations!"

Castle turned and stormed out, closing first his office door, then closing and locking his bedroom door, finally going into his dressing area on the far side of his luxurious bath. It was a very private and quiet area, an inner sanctum that only Alexis and his mother knew about. He had it remodeled after his divorce from Gina the room had very painful memories the remodel gave him the one place on earth he could have privacy.

Lanie had rushed to Javi's side, but he was shaken not really hurt. No one was saying anything for a minute. Beckett started to yell at Castle, "Castle, get back here and face me like a man." Only to be cut off by Alexis.

"Shut up detective. I'm ashamed of all of you. If you have any humanity, you will be as well. Not once has my father betrayed you. He's never lied to you. He never sought publicity or claimed to have solved cases to the press he helped, and he did so quietly paying people to be sure his name stayed out of the press regarding cases – though I am sure he has solved cases you may not have … in fact, the buzz at the precinct was he figured out who triggered the bomb. You've been welcomed into our home for dinner, movies and halo nights. Esposito, Lanie, Ryan, I've never once heard of you inviting my father to your home for a home-cooked meal. Why is that do you think he would judge you or something? Don't bother answering. He thought you were his friends and that meant more to him than all the money, he as earned friends who liked him for who he is not the image manufactured by Gina.

And Beckett, I know my father has answered calls from you at all hours of the night, rushed out to you to do whatever you needed. When have you ever checked on him after some of the difficult cases? Like the time, you nearly froze to death, oh yeah you went home with "motor cycle boy". How about after what Sophia did, ever think that maybe he needed someone to hug him without having to ask, someone other than grams or me?

I've seen you physically flirt with him like a love struck horny teenager. Yet other than your undercover kiss to save those two idiots you've never kissed him other than a chaste platonic kiss have you? Tell us detective why are you playing him? Why if you are going to claim to care about him won't you go on a date with him? Sure you go on dates, but they are never an actual he'll be there at 7:00 with bells on date. You have taken and taken from him emotionally, but I dare say you've rarely given any back without conditions.

My father tried to take a bullet for you in front of me, grams and all the people that are important to you. You left him to waste away while you took care of _YOUR_ needs. You were too weak to offer him a simple "Rick, I heard you" and that it meant something to you. That you needed time to sort through all of things you claimed just now. You know he would have given you time. When has he ever not?

Did you ever ask him about what he had to deal with? Not that he would share it, he wouldn't want you to know the hell he went through. You never publicly thanked my father he didn't ask for that thanks, but he damn sure deserved it.

I feel for you detective you are cold and selfless when someone offers you unconditional love. I fear you take it for granted that is truly sad. Don't misunderstand me. You are incredible at your job. You have such compassion for the victims. My father talks of that all the time, he admires you so much. He sees more in you than he does in me. That's not a bad thing I admire you more then you know, but you need to fix your heart. If won't do that then have the decency to just tell them you can't love them. I hope one day you understand that there are people to care about besides victims.

You had the greatest gift in the world you had my father; he was yours free and clear. He was always yours if you wanted him if you cherished him I was willing to give him to you, because I believed you would give him the happiness he deserves.

I asked him once if you made him happy. He said you did. Then I asked if it was enough. His response was sad. He said it was enough for now. My father deserves more he should never be settling for less than the love he gives.

You have used him. Whether it was intentional or not I suspect only you know for sure.

One last thing, my dad the writer … well there are two words he won't use in anything he writes … unless he's writing about you or Nikki Heat. I bet you know what those words are now don't you Detective?"

"I'm going to my room if any of you are staying to try and fix this grams will help you sort out sleeping. If my room is needed that's okay I will sleep in dad's office."

_With that Hurricane, Alexis ran up the stairs so no one would see the tears that were about to flood the loft. She loves Beckett nearly as much as her father does, but she will protect her dad first and always._

Martha is up and over to Beckett before Kate can even think. Martha just pulls Kate into a deep embrace. She's watched as Kate was taken to task and while it was long overdue, she knows this is a moment that Kate would turn to her mother, so Martha wants to at least offer a motherly hug. Kate would not even think about the irony of it being Martha, who was the first to comfort her. She just needed it. She had a good deal to atone for … and much to say she hasn't had her chance yet.

_Jordan leans over and asks Vicki ... is it too late to get in on the pool? They both have to hide their smiles it's not appropriate timing, but they have the same thought. You can't be that angry if you don't love at least as much._


	7. Simmering

Silent Boom Chapter 7

A/N … Yes Castle is way out of sorts. He trusted all of them and found out that no matter what he would never be inside the blue line. Worse was the friends weren't quite the friends he thought, or so it seems. He has his own issues, and some of them are coming out in an ugly way. He kept pushing things to the back that needed to be dealt with all because he loved her like no other. The problem with that is when they fester, they can come back to bite you.

Don't mess with Alexis … Beckett's not the only one who can kick ass!

Edited 4-15-12 ... still not perfect :)

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><p>Previously …<p>

_Martha is up and over to Beckett before Kate can even think. Martha just pulls Kate into a deep embrace. She's watched as Kate was taken to task and while it was long overdue, she knows this is a moment that Kate would turn to her mother, so Martha wants to at least offer a motherly hug. Kate would not even think about the irony of it being Martha, who was the first to comfort her. She just needed it. She had a good deal to atone for … and much to say she hasn't had her chance yet._

* * *

><p>While still holding Kate, Martha calls out … "Jenny, Lanie, how about you two take Kate up to Alexis. I know it sounds odd, but they need each other right now. I guarantee Alexis is sorry, and she needs to give Kate a hug."<p>

As the three ladies disappear around the corner of the upstairs hall "Vicki, Jordan, Javi and Kevin would you please join me, I think we need to talk."

"I know all of you are stunned by what has transpired. I know it's asking a lot, but please keep an open mind. Richard is dealing with many things that only he and I know about. Add that to the secret he has been forced to keep, to protect Kate and all the things they keep letting build up instead of talking through. Kate needs to have her say, and it needs to be without any of what I am going to share with you. I need you to promise that you will not tell her of any of this until after she gets her feelings said."

All four nodded in agreement then Ryan spoke up, "Should we wait for Lanie and Jenny?"

Jenny walks down the stairs. The look on her face tells everyone it did not go well. Martha speaks … "It was worth a try I don't think I want to know which one said the wrong thing."

After the coffee is made, calls made and Lanie returns, Martha turns on the TV and then enters a code into the remote, the on-screen image changes to a room decorated in soft tans and light browns it's airy and somewhat woodsy. Rick is asleep on a bed. Lanie shakes her head it's, not the master bedroom. "Martha what room is that?"

Almost in perfect harmony they all said "Yes."

"It's Rick's escape room when he needs to really be alone it was the nursery when he was married. That room has a sad history, but it has become Richard's safety net over the years. He's troubled tonight as you can see, nightmares will be coming. Let me share a few things then all of you can get some rest, okay?" she says.

Martha went on to explain that Richard has dealt with nightmares all his life. He tends to hold things in rather than confront those he cares about he tries to protect, that talking through things is the only way for him otherwise it eventually overwhelms. He can deal with death or injuries very well except for when it involves people he loves. He loves deeply and without filter, if he feels that love is taken advantage of he often blames himself. Lying to him is very personal. He feels his father lied to Martha and has always internalized a lie into it being something that he did wrong. It may be a while in coming, but there will be a day that he is very remorseful about lashing out as he did tonight.

"I want to show you a few video clips. I am sharing a secret that I feel all of you need to know, before you judge why this lie by Kate got the response from Richard. Javi, do you remember when Kate was stressing out shortly after she returned to duty, and I believe you talked to her about PTSD did you not?"

"Yes, Mrs. R"

"I think you can probably understand what you are about to see, better than the others. Richard has a form of PTSD, he relives events in his dreams, fortunately through counseling his nightmares, are few and far between. Alexis was right that have been times that Kate Beckett could have comforted Richard in ways she had no way of knowing, but she never offered, and he was not going to push he feared losing her. Richard for all is bravado is rather private about a lot of things. I will answer questions after the videos."

A few clicks of buttons and a video starts playing; the first scene shows Rick standing then he dives to his left, suddenly he rolls over and is gently holding a pillow; his face contorts in agony, and his hands appear to be supporting a head that's not there, his pained voice … "Kate. I love you. I Love You, Kate." Shortly after that he appears to be giving the pillow CPR … all while begging Kate to choose life, to come back. Another picture appears, and Richard appears to be shivering. His left arm is raised out to his side as if he's holding another person, this time he's talking through chattering teeth … "I'm so sorry Kate. I love you." His eyes very slowly close as he finishes.

There's not a dry eye in the group. Lanie looks at Martha "How often does this happen?"

"Those are just two of the recurring nightmares. The ones of Kate dying repeated over and over every night from the time he c home from the hospital until at least two weeks after she returned. After the bank bombing, he had almost another month of them. He and I nearly died, but his dreams were of Kate's shooting. I hope you don't mind, but I didn't play the part where he blames himself for Kate being shot. He is under care for his PTSD, for some reason; his mind holds on and relives the memories. I shared this with you because of how he treated Kate tonight. What he said needed to come out, but it should have only been between them."

Vicki Gates … "How can we help?"

"Never let him know that you have seen the videos. To be honest he doesn't know I have them. Years ago, he had the camera installed in that room when it was a nursery. There were fears for the babies' safety, kidnapping threats that sort of thing. He has held out hope that there would one day be more babies, so he left the camera. He forgot he showed me how to record from the cameras I gave copies to his therapist. The best way to help him is to understand him, be his friend, and forget his fame and fortune. Alexis was right. The only other thing you can do for him is to protect Kate and Alexis. Knowing they are safe allows him to sleep. I will be right back." She turns the TV off and removes the DVD from the player. She slides it into her purse. She pulls several envelopes out of her purse then changes her mind and leaves them for now.

Jenny, "Did I hear you right did you say babies I thought Alexis was an only child?"

"I was hoping none of you caught that. Yes, you did hear right. Please keep that confidence I slipped when I said babies, but yes there were others. It would be inappropriate for me to say more. I have said too much already."

Jordan asks, "Javi, Kevin, do you want to fill us in on what you know about Kate's shooting or should we do it in the morning? My husband knows I will not be home until the late afternoon, so I'm in no hurry. I am a little wired to sleep for now."

Martha … "Jenny let's leave them to talk while I show you to your room, and I can get what I need for the night."

Vicki … "I want everyone to know that while I have to keep an eye on all of this none of this will be on record. Castle and I have already spoken about his PTSD. I met with him before Kate came back he was up-front about it. At his request, I met with him and his therapist several times and there is no indication this will be ever manifest on the job. Apparently, it's only deeply realistic nightmares that he has to deal with. My understanding is that he has a very strong protective drive of those he loves. I heard the verbal description, but to see what happens physically. The torment he relives at the thought of Kate's shooting, well no wonder he is so protective. To see that and know that he is walking away on Monday, he must feel really betrayed. I don't know about the rest of you, but I need to make amends. Let's get some rest and deal with things in the morning."

Everyone agrees without further comment. Lanie leads Javi to the guest room she knows where it is from the time Kate stayed after her apartment had been blown up.

"Javi, are you okay?" Lanie knows that Javi is very upset both at how Kate was treated, and that he had tried to attack Castle. She was pretty sure that the both were feeling the same thing. They all loved Rick in their own ways, but had failed to realize they kept him slightly outside. They had failed to include him if Kate was not involved. The boys' nights almost always fell the same night the girls were getting together. They ended up having a long talk before sleep came.

While downstairs Gates and Shaw were having a bit of shop talk while they waited for Martha to return from showing Jenny and Kevin to her room.

Shaw asks, "The others don't know that you have known all along, do they?"

"No. Castle figured it out shortly after I was given the 12th. He sees so much that most of us never notice. We agreed I would keep him at arm's length to not give anything away. I failed him when I kept him too far on the outside."

"Let me guess he talked you into the crazy scheme to act like you didn't want him there in order to provide cover for what you know."

"Of course and though I will now be told of his "secret" he doesn't want them to know that IAB had been investigating this for years. He is concerned Kate would run straight back into the case. There are just five people at the moment, no six who know that, sorry only five even a year later it's hard to accept. I hate to keep them out of the loop. I'm also angry Castle's kept this from me for so long. He only told me earlier just before he went out that he had new information. I am certain he only told me after he revealed it to Kate. He is fiercely loyal."

Martha is returning and she makes just enough noise, so they know she is approaching. "Ladies, care for a nightcap or ready to sleep? Rick swears that couch is comfortable. She knows that the two hard-driving ladies have slept in far less comfortable places during their careers. They choose a glass of wine and silence. None of them sleep for long periods. All three are mothers, and they take turns watching over the "children" it was an unspoken agreement. Shaw is the one who is up when Richard's nightmare comes raining down. Martha had turned the live feed back on, and they would periodically turn the TV on. They didn't watch him sleep … he deserved privacy, but would turn the TV on for a minute or so to make sure he wasn't too deep in. Martha feared the raw emotions might push him into severe nightmares As Shaw watched she could tell it was the moment that someone pulled Rick away from Kate and the anguish as he stared at his hands told her he was seeing his blood covered hands as if it was happening all over. She turned it off and as it turned out it was just in time … as a noise caused Jordan to turn and run upstairs. She was met by a very angry Kate, who was coming out of a bedroom. "Where is that son of a bitch how dare he, talk to me like that?" It really wasn't a question. She brushed past Jordan and was making a bee line for Castle's office and room. When she found the door locked, she started pounding on it and before anyone could get to her Alexis unlocked the door and pushed it open.

What happened next woke up everyone, but Castle. His private sound proof room allowed him to sleep through it.

"Damn it, Castle, get your ass out here, you son of a bitch!"!" Kate's team had come running when they heard her yell at Jordan, they were all already coming down the stairs when the second outburst occurred. It was followed closely by extremely loud smack as Alexis sent Kate reeling with a right cross. She didn't bother with a slap. Only the fast response of Shaw and Gates prevented it from escalating further. It would be a good half-hour before anyone dared to let the two combatants alone without fear it would start again. So much for a peaceful night, it was 5:15 AM and no one was going back to sleep. No one knew just how tormented Castle was he wasn't resting; that's for sure. He shot out of his office at 5:40 he was soaked. Only Kate failed to understand why. When he saw everyone was up sipping coffee, he quickly grabbed a cup without talking. A fierce glare from Beckett and he turned, headed back into his study.

It took every ounce of strength Esposito and Ryan had to keep Kate from charging after him. Alexis quickly followed her dad locking the office door and hitting the panic button. Quietly, steel rods were pushed into the steel door frame. Beckett could pound on the door all she wanted. The discharge of air went unnoticed by everyone except Martha and Jordan, who were standing on the other side of the office door.

"Jordan, care to help me figure out breakfast. Let's see breakfast on the patio at 7:30 sounds about right." Then she whispers to Jordan, "Were any of your teams joining you for the case? My guess is Kate chooses that over dealing with Richard postponing as they always seem to do." Jordan smiles knowingly and pulls out her phone … "Avery, sorry I know we said noon how soon can you get here? Breakfast is at 7:30 and there's great coffee. … Thanks I owe you again."

There is still rising pressure inside several people, just like a volcano it can only simmer so long. C is brooding; he's flipping through photos and thinking of the lost dream. Alexis is watching him knowing he needs time to deal with so many emotions while Kate is off by herself after being told by Esposito to go chill. The others are taking turns showering, somehow at 7:00 AM there was a knock on the door and when Lanie had gone to answer at Martha's request, there were three people there carrying large shopping bags. One each for Kate, Javi, Kevin, Lanie, Jenny, Jordan and Vicki ... yep clothes in just the right size, casual comfortable and high quality the styles and colors fit the person they were for. All told three outfits each including everything. The ladies didn't want to know how Castle would know sizes and style, especially their intimate stuff. The high end shops tended to have staff that could size someone even from pictures if they had something of scale to reference off of in the picture. Castle of course had pictures of all of them. It was far easier than they would have thought to get the sizing, but the style and color choices were from his observations. Even Kate was begrudgingly grateful for clean and comfortable clothes not that she would admit it. That is until she saw the lingerie box at the bottom of her bag ... the one that was thrown in after the fact...

"Detective,

For the time, you ever find a man who is enough for you."

Kate was furious.


	8. Tough Call Right Call

Silent Boom Chapter 8

A/N … Major angst in this chapter. The story is taking a life of its own. I can't promise there won't be heartache or even a happy ending. I think there will be, but already some of what has come out has been far different than what I first expected this to be … I figured six chapters, and it would set the stage for healing and happy ending. Not liking the little bit I know about the limey and the next episode, after so I think that's why the story turned into a longer and not so quick ending.

Edited 4/15/12 to correct mistakes the content has not significantly been changed.

* * *

><p>Previously …<p>

_"Detective,_

_For the time, you ever find a man who is enough for you."_

_Kate was furious._

Alexis could not help, but look when she was the half-opened box on the bed. The thought that came to mind was really bad, but desperate situations call for out of the box thinking and taking risks. She was still way beyond angry at Beckett, but there was something more important than pride at the moment. It took a lot of love to swallow her pride, so after a big gulp she waited.

At that point, the hot water gave out. Kate's was the sixth shower in the last hour off that hot-water heater. The ice queen got an ice bath it had a rather pointed effect on parts of her anatomy. Between that and her day dreams her body was very much on fire; it was a close race between that and her anger for which needed to explode first …

Kate quickly dried off and rushed to Alexis's room to get dressed. She never realized Alexis was sitting in her chair. Alexis's room was nearly twice the size of Kate's, and the reading nook was in the far corner ducked behind a wall that separated it from the rest of the room. Alexis had gone there to write a note. She was finishing when she heard the door open, damn Kate was quick. She took a steady breath to steel her nerves. She still had a lot of things to talk to Kate about her plan had been interrupted. Another breath, when she walked into the main part of her room. It was hard to know who was more embarrassed by the situation the eighteen year old or the naked detective who was holding the slutty leather lingerie. Kate was so stunned she dropped the lingerie completely; mortified she grabbed a towel and quickly covered up. "Alexis I'm sorry I didn't know you were there ... ummm" …

"Kate I'm sorry too; I didn't mean to be here when you came back from your shower. As for what I just saw … well I didn't want to see that … but it makes what I just wrote to you a bit easier to suggest." She hands Kate the note.

_"Kate,_

_Last night some ugly things were said. I hate that they were said as they were. I think you did need to hear them, just wish it was sooner and in better ways. I won't lie I am still very angry and not ready to apologize for it … in time if I have time, if we have time. Right now, I fear you, and dad are about to destroy something that few people ever get the chance to have. I play a bigger role in that then you realize, but that is not my story to tell nor is it the right time if it was. I just saw the Nikki Heat outfit. I saw the catalog months ago and put a post it telling him to buy it for you. I was teasing him, but secretly hoping he would. I am sure that shocks you and maybe there will be a time to explain. You will be back soon so I need to finish this note and slip out._

_I triple dog dare you to put that on under whatever you choose to wear, personally I would suggest that button-down shirt that I left on the bed. It is a man's medium that dad accidentally bought last week. I was going to give it to my new friend. However, if you are woman enough, why don't you see if you can get it ripped off you later today? When things are over you, and dad have to be alone … even if it's the last time you will ever see each other. I have my reasons for doing this. I know you hate me. I wish you didn't, but please if you ever loved him give both of you the gift of at least one time. Life is too short to ever regret something like this._

_I hope that somehow you two can survive this, but both of you are hurting and after four years well I can tell you this, the reason dad never claimed you as his is simply he was waiting for you to be ready had you ever given him a clear sign well it would have been amazing. He would have and I think still will give you the world in his own loving way._

_I'm sorry Kate, there are reasons you may never know or understand he's done waiting. He might have been able to wait a little longer, but the lie was too much. I hope you can convince us that it's not as bad as it seems. If not I fear that with all, he is dealing with he will never recover. Please Kate I have never been one to need much; I need you to love my dad to take care of him grow old with him, be happy, making you happy will heal him and give him the happiness he deserves. I'm begging here in case you didn't realize._

_If we don't talk again soon I will write you and try to explain. I was honest. I hate that all this was said in anger, but I am still very angry and yes hurt. My dad deserved the best from you._

_One last thing … I want you to know that I have been dreaming for three years, there would be a day I could call you mom. I'm telling you that because I know this idea is going to shock you, and I want you to know that as angry as I am I love you and dad more, please never forget that._

_Love Always,_

_Alexis__."_

"Alexis? Umm … oh … wow … geez; I cannot believe you saw me holding that and now this. I'm not quite ready for a relationship with your father. From what was said it no longer matters. I have things to say and no there is no way can just back down."

"Kate, dad would hate it if you did. There is far too much to say. I know that I don't have the experience that you have. I don't want to know exactly what you were thinking. I know enough to know it was dad you were thinking about and well, that outfit says a lot. Wear it or don't, but you need to at least kiss before you part later. I doubt there is any chance that you will stay with him today when this is done. I've said all I can without begging you to shut up and run to him confess your love and live happily ever after. I'm not naïve enough to think there is not a lot of pain and arguing to come, including between us … dad will fight us on that if we try, but we need to work through the issues. I am going now."

Alexis, surprised Kate with a quick hug it was not deep. Just a show that things might be fixable down the road, as Alexis walked out the door Kate looks at the calendar on the wall. If all of this was not so real Kate Beckett would be laughing... after all what better an April fool's joke, then Alexis selecting slutty lingerie and telling her to go beg Castle to take her like a man. The smile doesn't last there are things she has to do and say that cannot be put off If Castle is set on leaving than he's damn sure going to hear her out.

Castle is finishing a phone call, and he steps back out after a quick shower. He looks up to see Kate at the top of the stairs; she's not looking his way and for the first time in weeks, he thinks about what should have been. Then instantly loses his thought at the lie comes crashing back to his conscience. He didn't catch Kate looking at him or the pain that washes over her face when he goes from being the fun-loving man she loves to the brooding heartbroken angry man who said some vicious things. Martha is calling everyone to breakfast. There is very little conversation. Jenny and Kevin are together with Javi; Lanie and Kate are sitting in the living room. Martha, Alexis, Jordan and Vicki are at the breakfast counter. Rick takes his out to the patio. Alexis starts to join him, and he shakes his head as he mouths "I'm okay."

A few minutes later everyone is trying to put on a game face, short sleep and knowing there are two things yet to come makes it difficult. Only a few realize the significance of the question that is asked the second it is asked. Castle walks over and sits down so he can talk to Beckett and her team.

"Excuse me, Beckett, I know you need to have your say no doubt I have a lecture coming. I will leave it to you. Do you want to talk about what happened between us first or get the case taken care of and then finish what was started it's your choice?" What she should choose is to deal with their feelings the ones she had avoided the entire four years. It surprises no one when she says the case.

"Castle can we please talk privately about the case?"

"If you wish." He glances at the clock he knows they have a couple of guests coming.

Jenny joins the others while the team and Castle head to his office.

"Castle we promised."

"Beckett we did. I also promised Roy and your dad, plus there is information you don't know."

"I saw some, but you need to explain."

"Beckett, everyone at one time I thought you trusted me. I tried to explain yesterday. I'm done at the 12th, and without me there your life is endangered. The only option is to bring in some people to help. I simply can't handle watching you every day any longer. I also cannot walk away leaving you endangered. As good as Javi and Kevin are they can't protect you."

"Rick you're not making sense what's changed"

"Beckett … damn it listen to this."

He clicks on an icon on the smart panel … "Mr. Castle my name is Mr. Smith; I was a friend of Roy Montgomery. You need to make sure Kate Beckett stops digging into her mother's case. If you can do that I can keep her alive. If not, she will be killed the Dragon will not worry about collateral losses if it comes to that. Roy sent me a letter and files with instructions to contact you. That you can prevent her from dying call me at 999-555-8473 that number is a burner phone I will be available every two hours for the next twelve. After that I will try to contact you one more time a week from now, you need to make yourself available. From what Roy said I am sure I will talk to you in two hours."

The anger flashed hot … "How could you this is my life, my mother's case you had no right to keep this from me!" Kate slaps him and then starts pounding on his chest. Lanie makes a quick decision. She grabs the guys and pulls them out into the living room. Closing the door behind them "you two stay right here do not let anyone in or out." She heads over and quickly lets everyone know that Kate and Rick need to talk alone, no one is fooled. They all had heard the outburst. Martha and Jordan fooled; they may have heard a slap. Not the start to the day that everyone was hoping for. The doorbell rings, Martha goes to answer it. Jim Beckett and two men Martha doesn't know are there. "Jim, Good to see you are these gentlemen with you?"

"No I believe they are here to see Kate and Rick, they are F.B.I. I believe."

"Well do come in there is coffee and juice, plenty of breakfast too."

Jordan Shaw is standing just inside the door and quickly introduces Agent Avery and Agent Wilkins. They all head to the kitchen for coffee and breakfast for the agents. Martha explains that Kate and Rick are talking and should join them in a while. She then excuses herself as she is taking Alexis and Jenny out for a while under the watchful eye of the F.B.I.

"Kate, stop it just stop it damn it." He pushes her away and looks down at his shirt; she tore the pocket off and there is mascara on it as well. He turns to go change.

"Castle, get back here I'm not through." He keeps going.

"Castle, I told you I was not finished."

Castle turns to look at her. She's crying and angry at the same time. He knows he's hurt her, but she won't listen to reason, and he can't stay at the 12th. "No Kate what you said was "Castle, get back here I'm not through." And more importantly you are not going to win this. My decision on the case is final Shaw, and Gates will have what I have, and I can only hope that's enough to protect you from your own stupidity when it comes to this case. You nearly died in my arms because I poked the dragon when I dug into your case. I won't be here to protect you and besides; I knew once you found out there was one tiny piece of information you would dive back in. Prove to me, I'm wrong, and I'll stop otherwise it's time to let others protect you if they are willing."

He rips his shirt off by yanking it open, and the buttons go flying. He throws it over by the trash can.

"Fuck you! Castle." The venom burns hot as it spews out.

"Beckett we covered that last night … you doubt my manhood, and I don't have a blow torch handy to thaw you out." She runs straight at him slamming him against the wall. "What's your problem?"

"You Beckett that's my only problem nothing, but you ever matters does, it?"

"Huh?"

"Face it Beckett you are only angry because I won't follow you around like a puppy any longer. I'm done I can't do it; I'm human and knowing that you don't want me, four years is more than I should have given. Christ, we would both have been better off if you had wanted to go out and jump my bones and then told me good bye, but this? No I can't continue wasting time."

Silence … she's seeing red, but also keeps hearing he's done, leaving … "Damn you Rick. Why didn't you ever kiss me, rip my clothes off, you always had to be nice; you were supposed to wait."

"Beckett, I did I've not been with anyone in nearly two years and let's face it Gina was a known thing. She knew how much I was in love with you. She knew if she didn't do something to distract me, then the book would never get finished. As it was there were only three that we got together. It only happened when she got me tipsy and put on that damn brunette wig. She actually bought clothes that were the exact same ones that you wear stuff she had gotten pictures of you wearing when we were together. Please go, I need to change a few minutes of privacy, and then we do what we both know has to be done."

"Rick, so you are leaving no matter what?"

"Yes Kate I love you and want you too much to stay. Maybe one day I can see you and the team again, but there is too much for me to …." He sobs and turns away, walking into his bath and closes the door.

Kate turns to leave. Instead, she walks to his closet and leans in the doorway, so she can use her arms to press herself against the frame. She needs to pain, the burn in her muscles to keep from screaming. So much to think about a lot to be said and a lot that has been said, she can't believe this is happening, she actually thought about doing what Alexis said, she laughed it off no way Rick would bed her, they weren't in the right emotional spot to make love, but … yikes Alexis literally encouraged her to get Rick to just take her … no regrets …

Shaw approaches Javi and Kevin, "Are they still fighting?"

Javi, "They stopped a minute or so ago. Thankfully, they were just loud enough to make out their voices, but not loud enough to know what they were saying. It's about the case and not about them from what I could hear."

"Okay we need to give them the time they need. I'm going to get Martha to take Jenny and Alexis out somewhere. We need them to be visible preferably page six so that when this opens up hopefully they will be less of target."

"Good plan, Gina can help."

It would be nearly an hour until Castle and Beckett emerged. Kate came out first. Her eyes were bloodshot; she was crying. It was hard for everyone to see her that way. Castle was five minutes behind, and if it was possible he looked worse.

"Dad?"

"Katie, Rick called me this morning, he said you needed me. He said he had said things that hurt you, and he was very sorry. Now, I know him better than you realize. How about you tell me the whole story?"

"Later daddy, okay?" She asked. There's something that Rick says has to be done. I don't agree, but he is not me a choice."

"Ok."

The loft phone rings. "Rick Castle, yes send them up."

"Anyone need coffee, juice, donut, bear claw?""

"Everyone I want to introduce you to a very close friend, NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, just call him Gibbs. It will probably be easiest if everyone just introduces themselves. However, first he will introduce you to his team."

"Call me Gibbs. My team, agents Zivah David, Timothy McGee, Tony DiNozzo and our forensic specialist Abby Sciuto officially, we are in New York for the Homeland Security Conference, but we are at your service Rick. Hi, Jordan, it is good to see you again.

Everyone is quick to introduce themselves. Captain Gates takes the point.

"Rick did you … oh thank you. Please pass them around. Though all of my people know this case inside and out, we are only here this morning to formulate a plan. Rick, please explain what is not in the official reports, and then we can go back over anything else."

"Captain … Vicki, sorry have to remember that for now this is, off the record. I will cover just few background points for the agents who are not familiar with the case. Johanna Beckett the wife of Jim and mother of Detective Kate Beckett was murdered in 1999. It was investigated as random violence."

Castle would cover the key points up to Kate's shooting, and then he told everyone about the mysterious Mr. Smith. The phone call recording was played and the other pieces of info, including the attempt to frame the Mayor. The smart board was very helpful in allowing everyone to follow things quickly. He asked if there were any questions.

Gibbs … "Kate, Jim, there are no words I do promise you my team will do anything. I need to see the crime scene photos from Kate's shooting it might be best if you wait in the other room." … Jim gets up when only to have Kate say, "No. I will stay. Lanie, can you go with my dad please?"

There are three photos that Kate was not expecting in the first Rick is diving to try to take the bullet/knock her out of the way was caught by a press photographer. The second is by the same photographer had one of Rick kneeling over her supporting her head, he appears to be talking to her and the third shows Lanie has moved in and Rick is to the side now he's looking at her blood on his hands. Gibbs clicks through those quickly and subsequently looks at the rest of the photos, including the recreation work by the NYPD CSI team. There's a picture of the gun.

His team recognizes his mood. "I've seen enough. Kate the sniper who did this almost has to be military. Since the rifle is from a SEAL killed in combat my team needs to start with his death. We can open an NCIS investigation into the death. It will be a black investigation enough will be in the file that if it is compromised it will look like it's tied to something so far from you, it will not raise flags. That I promise you, I'm going to send my team on to the conference for now. I'll stay for a bit." Quick good-byes from his team and they leave.

Gates is talking again. "Kate, Rick, Jim and well, everyone, I've just in the last hour received permission to divulge some information. Kate this will come as a shock. While I did not know about Rick's off the book information, I can finally tell you that there has been an ongoing IAB (Internal Affairs Bureau) investigation into your mother's case for the last nearly eight years.

Furthermore, wait … Kate, please come here, all of you, I want you closed for this. You made a decision last year to keep Roy's name out of the report at least from the aspect of his alleged involvement in the killing of the undercover F.B.I. agent. That was a very honorable decision, a bit stupid, but one I respect. The only thing that will make me happier than what I am about to tell you is when the bastard responsible is finally taken down, for now, please take great comfort in knowing that Roy Montgomery did not shoot the agent, his gun did discharge that night, but the ballistics for the bullet that killed the agent prove it was not from Roy's gun. He was set up. Even more important, Roy was an IAB informant on the gang of corrupt officers and politicians. He did some things wrong, but he would never have been charged. Now take a minute to absorb that."

Kate, Rick and their friends are a bit overwhelmed by the news that Roy was not the dirty copy they thought he was.

Kate, Rick and their friends are a bit overwhelmed by the news that Roy was not the dirty copy they thought he was.

The other F.B.I. agents say good-bye and now it is the team, Gates, Shaw and Gibbs. Shaw asks Rick if Gates and Gibbs can use his office for a minute. He agrees with a nod of his head.

"Rick, she's everything you said I hope it works out I can tell things are not good right now. Don't let her get away. I will be leaving shortly, but we will talk soon." Gibbs offers as Gates and Shaw come back.

Gates speaks … "Okay we are going to set up a special task force with the F.B.I., NCIS and will bring in what resources we need later. Interpol and a few other agencies are in play if needed. Jordan."

Rick interrupts … "Jordan, excuse me; they need to hear this from me. Kate, Javi, Lanie, Kevin and Jenny I'm sorry I know you hate me for this, and I can only hope you understand my reasons, and one day forgive me. I simply cannot protect Kate from afar, and my feelings are putting not only her life, but possibly yours in danger. Kate still needs to talk to all of us, and if she wants to do, so I beg you to let her have her say. Before you showed up yesterday I was going to call you and ask if we could meet to talk today and to say good bye. I wanted to do it as friends, I know that is not likely at this time, I try to be hopeful and believe that every day brings new hope. I have lost that feeling, no Kate it's not because you don't love me at least that's not the only reason. I don't blame you; it just wasn't meant to be. No let me finish. Now for the worst part, while this was not my decision, my digging into this case has cost all of us dearly. Kate I'm sorry. Javi and Kevin same to you, Lanie … wow this is hard. Jordan I guess you do have to tell them I can't say it. I'm sorry."

"Rick, it's okay. This applies to all of you, but I am going to address Kate … can I have your hand Kate, Rick come here please. Look I know things are difficult and well Rick just hold her hand, Jim you too. Kate, whatever you do or think, blame me this is my call. Tomorrow you will be honored as you deserve. It will be broadcast on TV, but the live audience will be very carefully screened. I will give you more information later, but Mark Fallon over at Homeland has been quietly checking. Based on what Rick has given us and what Mark has uncovered all of you will be in protective custody until we can break this case. This is not negotiable if I have to, I will charge you with obstruction of justice in federal court for failing to disclose the information about the murder of a F.B.I. agent. You are not going into witness protection though if you choose to do so later you can." It was not lost on Jordan that Kate looked to Rick. The unasked question was whether he was coming.

"For tonight you will stay here at Rick's loft we've had coverage on the building since Friday and the protective teams that were on all of you have been given off until 8:00 AM tomorrow. Special teams are at your homes packing all your belongings. I know that's hard to hear, but it is for your own good. Your families are being protected and if need be the resources are in place to provide them a safe place until this is over. Take a few minutes to talk, Vicki, and I need to make some calls."

"Castle … why?"

"Kate look at your dad, look at me, you saw the photos of when you were shot, of Lanie, Kevin, Javi, mother, Alexis and all of the others. However, mostly for your dad and your team … they can't lose you."

The look in Jim's eyes brought another round of sobbing to Kate. Rick pulled Kate into her father's arms and then walked away. He went out to the patio, he needed air. That's were Lanie found him.

"Rick, she'll understand she's upset and with good reason, but give her a little time. In a few days … wait … no … you're not coming with us are you?"

"Lanie, promise me you will take care of her. All of this is hard enough as it is, but Kate, she doesn't love me, and I love her too much to be around her every day. I was leaving anyway the protective custody thing only came up in the last twelve hours. I don't even know the details, but apparently they have good reason to think there could be trouble despite Smith saying if she stayed out she would be allowed to live."

"Rick, I know you think she doesn't love you, and I won't lie I'm a little confused. I had no idea about some of the stuff you said. She has some things to answer for, and I do intend to get those answers before the end of the day. We all need to hear, but especially you. Can you at least hear her out?"

"Lanie I had no intention not to. However, she can't know that I'm leaving for now. I know she suspects. I plan on talking to her alone; I need to for myself, and I know that's selfish. I've had an extraordinary four years of loving her and well there will never be another for me. I'm okay with that really. I hope you, and Javi have a wonderful life. We will talk before things are through; however, they go, just know I am grateful she has all of you. Let's go inside."

Kate looks up to see Rick and Lanie walk back in. She just glares at him and turns away. He heads to his office and speaks briefly with Shaw and Gates. He hands them two large briefcases after dropping some DVDs inside along with several file folders. Its copies of everything he has collected on the case.

A text from Alexis, "Bringing pizza for lunch 30."

He tells them lunch in thirty. He looks at the clock and figures he has maybe six hours left before Kate Beckett is gone from his life. He knows it will be the most painful six hours of his life, and that it will go buy in a flash. He steps out into the living room and leans back against the bookcase watching her taking in every second, every emotion, and the few smiles she offers are short and not full, but he will cherish all of them. Despite what his mother and Alexis asked he kept all his pictures of her and the gang. He hopes one day to be able to look without tears blurring her image from his gaze.


	9. Blind Sided

Silent Boom Chapter 9

A/N … Major angst in this chapter and possibly the next few coming. The story has taken a life of its own. I can't promise there won't be heartache or even a happy ending. I think there will be, but already some of what has come out has been far different than what I first expected this to be … I figured six chapters and it would set the stage for healing and a happy ending. Not liking the little bit I know about the limey and the next episode after so I think that's why the story turned into a longer story to tell with a not so quick ending.

Allow me to clear up one thing. The NCIS connection is just a small thing. When the shooting occurred they got very little help from the military once the Captain shut it down they were cut off. So as usual Castle knows a guy … and there may be a legit threat to Kate and the team. Add to that the typical bad timing for Castle and Beckett.

Several people have expressed interest in this finishing before The Limey. It likely will. There may be a sequel to it. It will depend on how it all ties together by Monday. I'm thinking it may finish by tomorrow night.

Thanks for reading and the reviews. Shout out to the review that made me realize I needed to address the NCIS angle.

Edited 4-15-12 ... still not perfect, please PM and grammar or other mistakes. Thanks.

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><p><em><strong>The Fall Out Inside The Loft After The Bombshell Announcement …<strong>_

Esposito … "This is crap."

Ryan is pacing … "Come on Jenny answer your phone." When he gets no answer he throws his phone across the room. It breaks.

Gates is trying to get the guys to calm down. She expected them to object. They are really upset and threatening to resign which may force Jordan's bluff or is it a bluff. It's supposed to be, but it may have to be done. Gates gets on the phone as does Jordan they need some info or prove to show the team that there is a very real threat in play. Jordan finally gets in touch with Mark Fallon.

"Thanks, Agent Fallon". Gates slips her phone into her pocket.

"Okay everyone I know you are upset. I just spoke to Fallon he will meet with us no later than Wednesday. He will have audio of some intercepts that they feel indicates an event in play to try and draw Beckett into a vulnerable position."

"Apparently investigations from within either the F.B.I. or somewhere within Homeland's jurisdiction have alarmed the group behind the attack on Kate. He will try to get it to us sooner, but he can't promise. I know you are angry, but seriously would any of you want to risk Kate's life or any of your lives for a temporary inconvenience."

Castle desperately wants to talk to Kate, but she wants no part of it. They're taking her badge … well not really she just won't be working on any cases. She's furious despite Gates and Shaw promising she could personally cuff the bastard in charge.

Finally Esposito decides to talk to Castle. He is pissed off, but he sees how torn up Castle is and he wants to know more about the NCIS team especially Gibbs.

"Castle Man you keep pissing off Beckett like this she will never talk to you. Hey, I was kidding. She's Beckett she'll cool off in a few days." He see's something in Castle's eyes when he says it. Castle quickly shuts his eyes and wipes the tears away. Damn what is he hiding Esposito wonders.

"Rick, come on tell me about Gibbs and his team." Castle motions for him to follow him into his office. He picks up a file and hands it to Esposito. The file contains the bios of the team from NCIS … Esposito scans it … "Holy … Castle these guys are … and Gibbs my god how do you know him?" …

"Meredith and Gibb's wife were cousins. It's a long story, but he's a good guy, no he's a great guy. Long ago he told me if I ever needed help to call. Kate needs his help. Plus look at Zivah … she was Israeli Mossad before becoming NCIS and a citizen.

Her father is the head of Mossad. In other words she can probably get info that would take us years if we ever needed it. Gibbs has already talked to her and she is willing to talk to her father if need be.

The McGee guy is a computer genius Gibbs won't say exactly, but apparently he and Schiuto can get into almost any computer or network.

They are all officially on a month long sabbatical staring Wednesday. Promise not to tell Kate, but I am paying them and their expenses for as long as they are needed. Apparently I can't make her happy, but I can put the Nikki Heat money to good use and maybe one day she will find happiness, if so then the money is well spent. Money really isn't important. You really do need to trade the ring if you like I can get my guy here later today. Just give me the word."

Before Esposito can respond Martha, Alexis and Jenny return with six large pizzas, bread sticks, and salad. Everyone is glad to have a few minutes to let off some of the pressure not to mention it smells wonderful.

Before they go over Jim hugs Kate and tells her …

"Katie, don't do this. After we eat you and I are going somewhere private and you are going to tell me what the hell happened. That man over there … Katie you don't know what all he has done for me and for you, the ten days you were in the medical coma he would barely leave your side. So you and I are going to talk. For now eat and I don't care how difficult it is you at least give him a hug and you better mean it."

During lunch Jenny takes the news hard. She's worried for her family and her students. Jordan agrees to try and arrange for Jenny to get to say goodbye to the kids.

Castle pulls Jordan aside and tells her to bring Jenny's parents in and to just let him know the costs he will cover the expense no one is to know.

"Rick you're a good man. I will do as you ask for now, but when its right I will tell her if you really do go your separate ways. She deserves to know. There's no excuse for what she's done. Right now she's too angry to understand.

I need to talk to her counselor. Perhaps he can shed some light on how best to deal with the anger. Thanks for letting me know I doubt she has even thought about that yet.

You need to give her a hug at least, for the both of you. If she won't then okay, but damn Rick you should stay tonight. You have the ceremony tomorrow so why not? I see you are going to tell them aren't you? They need that and so do you. Go on now."

Castle walks over to where Kate and her dad are standing. She looks at him her eyes are bloodshot, angry, hurt and confused. He's sure his are the same and Jim's are only slightly better. Jim is the first to speak.

Jim speaks up, "Alright you two I can't force you to fix it, but I can ask you to try. I have no right Rick, but please you are taking far too much of the blame or really the consequences. Katie was always going to dive back into it was just a matter of time and I will forever be grateful you were by her side. I'm going to talk to Martha and Alexis it's been too long, how's she doing Rick?"

"Umm sorry, just thinking, she's okay, she's a fighter like Kate. Thanks. … Kate do you want to talk or just wait until you have your say? Okay, I understand." He turns and walks back to his corner it's a good thing there are two walls there otherwise he would fall to the floor.

Jim whispers to his daughter. "Kate, you're wrong, but we will talk about that later."

Jim walks over to visit with the two redheads. Kate leans against the counter and wonders how things got this crazy in just two weeks. Then she realizes that no it's been building a long time at least ten months really for years. I

It is as much if not more Rick's fault as hers and after all, she is a fighter. She has pride and a reputation to defend. She intends to straighten out writer-boy. He's sulked around long enough. How dare he question her feelings for him? He went too far this time his meddling cost her, her badge and that of her teammates and they had no idea if they would ever get them back.


	10. Lashing Out

Silent Boom Chapter 10

A/N … I tend to ramble when writing notes... sorry.

Major angst in this chapter with things probably going darker than most will expect it wasn't my original plan just the way the mind has worked. I'm going with the story that is coming out. There are some serious dark forces at work. Time heals all, but right now time and sleep deprivation are working against everyone. Stress is driving it all and all the characters are OOC in their own ways. The twists and turns are falling somewhat in line with where I thought, but not exactly. I've tried to rewrite this and for some reason all the variations come to pretty much the same end point for this chapter. I'm going to post and see how badly it's hated – I expect a lot of people will not like where the story is heading. I've known all along that both Castle and Beckett were going to suffer break downs that they were carrying too much emotional baggage ... It's fixable ... With time.

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><p>Previously …<p>

_Castle asked Beckett did she want to talk about the personal situation or the case. Despite how raw the night before had ended she did not hesitate. She immediately asked about the team talking to Castle privately concerning the case. __Castle__ had expected it that didn't stop the __painful__ shot to his chest, Martha saw it, so did Lanie, others missed the look but recognized that Kate had made a choice without thinking the case was her first choice. That left the elephant in the room for after lunch._

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><p>Kate was barely eating she picked the cheese and pepperoni off the slice of pizza. It was wonderful. A few forkfuls of salad and she had enough. There was just too much to think about and she knew that the sooner they got the conversation over with the better. Once she had her say Castle would stop being so selfish and in time things would go back to the way they were … well if somehow she and the boys could go back to work and then Castle would be her partner.<p>

Looking around everyone was busy eating and she needed some space. She looked out the window and realized it was really raining hard, lightning out on the horizon … okay so the patio was out. She stood up and felt someone touch her arm … "Oh sorry daddy, I just need a few minutes." A soft kiss to his cheek and she walked off down the hall to the part of the loft Castle never seemed to use.

There were several rooms that he said they just didn't need. There was an open area with more bookshelves she vaguely remembers seeing them a long time ago, must have been the first time she was there he gave her a grand tour. Something seemed different, but she couldn't place it. She wandered further down the hall.

There was a door open to her right she looked in and wondered "When did Castle have a workout room installed? That was new it wasn't here before." Made a mental note to ask him later it had everything she liked to use. A little further down was the last door it was open even from twenty feet away she could see a lot of boxes. Her natural curiosity pushed her forward as she stepped into the room she realized it was full of moving boxes, marked with the contents and dated 3/27/12 … 3/28/12 … a few with earlier dates and some with none.

At first she just stood there not really understanding and then it hit home. Castle, had packed things up to move, but Shaw had said the decision for protective custody was just made and moving teams were at their homes. This meant Castle was already leaving. Her rage flared the S.O.B., was moving and he hadn't bothered to tell her. He was her partner … was … loved … Castle had been using a lot of past tense in his sentences. She glanced at her father's watch it was definitely time to straighten things out to talk. She turned and angrily marched back to the kitchen.

"Alright Castle it's time we talked when were you going to tell me you were moving and where are you going? I want some answers and I want them now." Everyone turned to look at her after the outburst. Castle just started laughing. "What's so damn funny writer-boy?"

"You are Detective. Actually you are rather pathetic, it's taken you nearly twenty four hours to notice. I won't even comment about the fact that you are now demanding answers that you want to talk. I will ask you again are you sure you want to do this or would you rather just shake and go our separate ways? I know you thought I was finished last night rest assured I still have a few more things to say. So?"

"Fine, please go ahead and bring it on."

"Oh no you can go ahead just what answers is it you want? Only about moving or do you have other questions of course we're all still waiting for your response to what I told you and asked you last night."

"I've got lots of questions, but answer me about moving first."

"Yes, we're moving."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"When was I going to tell you?"

"No, when are you moving?"

"Tomorrow, but that has changed."

"Explain."

"I'm not sure exactly when. You will know before I go."

"arrghhh."

"It's no fun to want answers and get generalizations is it Kate?"

"What … of course not why are you acting like an uncooperative witness?

"I'm still waiting for you to answer my questions from last night. You did plan on explaining your lies and actions over the years didn't you or do you only want to talk about the things that are important to you? By the way think about that for a minute I need to use the little boys' room." The sarcasm was heavy and he didn't wait for an answer.

The pause in the conversation allowed everyone to put their plates over by the sink as Martha asked and to get settled in the living room. Martha pulled Jim to the side and asked him to sit near her so she could try to fill him in on things he didn't know. She also apologized for Rick's behavior. "Martha I surely don't understand all this, but I know Rick and for him to be acting this way Katie must have done some damage she can be her own worst enemy at times." They went to join the others.

Kate stood fuming while waiting for Rick. When he came back in the room he walked over and poured himself a drink.

"Rick, why do you need a scotch?"

"Who said I need one? … Oh, I'm not allowed to want one is that it?"

"Rick, just stop."

"Our conversation is over?"

"No just stop acting like this."

"Kate my mother is the actress. This is still my home for a little while longer and if I want a drink in my home I will have one. You have no right to question that. Now either answer the questions and points from last night or if you have some burning question then by all means ask. But if you don't start talking we will be out of time."

"Rick? Why"

"Kate, I just told you there are things that need to be said. We don't have a lot of time. I also imagine that that your friends have questions or comments as well." Kate kept hearing and thinking about the word time. What was going on her lack of sleep was making it hard to think and to stay rational she wanted to scream, yell, do anything to get Rick to stop running and to come back to her.

"Why did you keep it a secret? I had the right to know."

"Kate, look at your father, then at all your friends and at my family. Roy and your dad knew that you would run straight back at the rabbit hole, you told me yourself you were afraid of that. Add to it the threat that if you did go down the hole again you would be killed. I understand you don't care what it would do to me, but I know you care what it would do to everyone and especially your father. That's why and if that's not good enough well then you really are a lost cause."

Of course she cared how could he possibly say she didn't care, did he believe that? "Rick please do not say that of course I care about how it affected you and everyone. Why do you think I don't care?"

"Because you never asked at least you never asked what I went through, your only comment was about the dedication in the book. You didn't want to know what I dealt with or if I needed to talk about the months without you. You expected me to pick up and follow you wherever you decided to go."

Jim Beckett cut Kate off before she said more …

"Katie stop your mother would be broken by this, she had dreams for you, for your life. Throwing your life away chasing her killer was never one of those dreams. No more you need to let others do it. I begged Rick to protect you, to get you to stop. He kept the secret for me and to keep you alive. He did so knowing that you would be hurt, and angry.

He's a good man and I know he's smart lord knows you have told me that yourself. You have to recognize that he kept the secret knowing it would likely cost him your love. Enough already if you won't tell him then tell me when did you stop loving him? Why did you play with his feelings? I've only heard pieces of what was said, but I don't like what I am hearing it sounds like you used him. That's not the daughter that your mother and I raised. So talk and don't you dare try to avoid answering. I won't have it."

Beckett is clearly stunned her father thinks she used Rick. Oh no they want to know then fine. No one misses the anger build up.

"Rick, you're wrong. Yes I lied. I needed to sort things out I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I needed time." She droned on for a bit, but never says she loves him. She would have kept going if Rick had not jumped up and grabbed her, leaning down into her face.

"Kate. I don't want an apology I want to know why. The truth not the excuses and not just about the lie, but why you have strung me along for the last four years rather than telling me you were not interested. Why you can date and sleep with whoever you want if I do that it creates resentment and jealousy? Why do you tease because is stopped being flirting a long time ago? Think about all that was said last night and give real answers or don't, but no more dodging. You owe yourself that. Why couldn't you have just said you only wanted friendship? I could have done that."

"Rick, you promised always."

"So did you. It's been a painful lesson to learn that my always and yours were not the same. You only want friends when I thought you wanted more. We will always be friends. I will always do anything I can for you within the boundaries of friends. I can't turn off a switch and pretend I don't love you. I need time and space probably lots of it."

"But I don't want that I want always. You said you would wait."

"True, and I waited then found out you lied you had plenty of time to tell me the truth. Now it's too late to be just friends and be able to work together."

"No. We are partners. I need my partner back. I can't do my job without my partner."

Rick's patience is growing thin and he snaps back … "That's too bad Beckett. Because we aren't partners we haven't been for some time, partners don't lie. It's always about what you need when you need it."

"Rick that's not fair your needs are important to me. You never need anything though you have it all and you love being my partner, you said you love me. Was that a lie?

Laine jumps up and slaps Beckett …

"Kate you apologize right now. Rick has done more to make you happier than should be needed. He's waited for you. You put him through hell for months when you deserted him last summer. He was in agony that no one could help him with. He's put his life on the line time and again. For over three years he has patiently waited, what more do you want from him?

Alexis was right you need to love him or let him go quit playing girl. You don't have any idea what he needs or what he went through apparently. I was sure you had at least asked him that you had talked to him. Lord knows you never asked me what I went through and Castle had to have been a thousand times worse. I was so happy to have you back I let it go, but you barely called me … I still can't believe you let him think for ten months that you did not remember what he told you. I've been telling you to talk to him and you kept telling me you would, but it's the wrong time. Close your mouth the flies will get in. You need to think I suggest you take a few minutes and use that wonderful brain of yours before you … oh never mind you already made your choice you just won't own up to it."

"Wha-What do you mean I made my choice?"

"Figure it out. As for the rest of you speak up she needs to hear from all of us and then she needs to wise up. I'm done. Rick, Alexis, Martha I apologize I should have knocked some sense into her sooner. It's asking a lot, but can you give us a little time. I'll come get you okay?"

Alexis reaches over and takes her dad's hand, she turns to her grandmother who shakes her head no. "I'm staying kiddo. I have a few things to say, but for now I will listen besides Kate may need someone to support her." Rick and Alexis go to his office.

Javi is torn, "Beckett I have to know. Look me in the eye and don't you dare lie. If you do I promise you we will never work together again. All of us thought you loved him were we that wrong about you?"

"No, I do love him."

"Then what's the problem?

"I need time he promised."

"Beckett he kept the promise, he's given you time. You aren't being fair so you better figure out your explanation. I think your time is running out quickly. I'm going to get some air it's rather stale in here."

The others are just as hard if not harder on her. Shaw in particular, "Kate you weren't blind to what he has felt all this time. I've listened to you profess your love, it pains me to say this, but what I see isn't love. It's needy, it's selfish and I'm ashamed of you. He's given you complete devotion and unconditional love. Have you given him anything beyond false hope? I'm going to ask you a question and yes I realize Martha and your father are five feet from us. Have you been so cruel that you teased him as he said, flirted with him shamelessly, flaunted your boyfriends and in four years of time you have kissed him once and that was to distract a lookout?

Please tell me that you've been sleeping with him secretly all this time that you haven't been the tease that he described. I consider you a friend, but if you can deny that you love him and you can deny his love for you then cut him loose. If you're frigid then seek help. Whatever you do level with him and most importantly yourself ... ahhh; you're blushing … so perhaps you're not the ice queen you have been acting like."

Jim was next …

"Katie, is what they are saying true? That for the last nearly four years you have teased and flirted with him and you have denied both of you … I'm no prude and I certainly didn't want details, but Katie look at me. Am I understanding this correctly Rick really told everyone last night that you two have never shared so much as a kiss that was truly your own and it was the truth?"

"Yes he did and yes Rick was telling the truth."

"Katie you've got to stop, no more denial, you need to fix this mess. Rick has made you the happiest I have ever seen you. You fight it you feel you owe it to your mom, but you don't she would … it would destroy her to know you are wasting your life chasing a ghost. Your friends over there are hurt by your behavior. The man you claim to love is in the other room about to walk away. How you can be so good at your job and so bad at what's really important? I'm going to talk to Rick. You've got ten minutes young lady."

Kate has never been so alone when surrounded by so many who claim to love her. The walls are going up higher and she's retreating into her protective mode. She has been shutting down the comments refusing to understand, damn it she was promised always and that he would wait.

If she's so bad for him then she needs to do the right thing and cut him loose only she desperately wants to hold on and never let go. She finally convinces herself the only way to cut him loose is to fight and fight dirty, make him hate her. Make him lash out so that all the little things and the really big things are reduced to ashes. So she can hate too, she can let go. Then she can go back to the heartless bitch that she had become prior to meeting her one and done. She wasn't worthy of his love. It's not rational it's too late for that.

She would come out swinging not just at Rick. She would show them. Thirteen-years of anger and pain all the suffering, all the ugliness of countless brutal crime scenes came pouring out. It was long overdue … it was a nuclear winter by the time she was done.

She tore into Lanie about hiding her relationship with Javi. With Javi she questioned his intentions towards Lanie and whether he wasn't suffering PTSD just as much as she was.

With Kevin and Jenny she just lashed out about no one was that happy all the time so surely their love wasn't real.

Captain Gates got off pretty easy just called a bitch for being mean all the time and especially for not recognizing Castle's good work at least to those in the precinct.

Her father was next … "come on my daddy dearest you're ashamed of me really? Where were you when I needed you? You're not a prude… really have you been with a woman since mom died? How come I never met her? You need to fix your love life and not worry about mine!"

"Martha, you know I thought of you as a surrogate mom the last year, but really shouldn't you have your own home at your age?"

Everyone actually understood it was exhaustion and fear that had caused her to break. The comments hurt, but they would be forgiven. Kate Beckett had just been pushed too far. She had been pushing so hard for so long it finally came back to bite her and her family.

But then she went too far … Jordan was standing next to Castle. Alexis was across the room sitting between her grams and Grandpa Jim as he had asked her to call him. Kate went after Jordan and Castle at the same time.

"You know Jordan I'm beginning to wonder if you don't want Castle or is it me? Kate purred in a very flirtatious voice. You've been awfully interested in our love life since we first met … let's see." Shocking everyone Kate kissed Jordan and it wasn't a chaste kiss … it wasn't long … but it was effective … the looks on Jordan's and Castle's faces were priceless utter and complete shock.

The thoughts inside all three of their heads were not something to be shared with the others. Kate and Jordan both had nearly identical thoughts … _"Damn I haven't done that since my first year in college."_ Tipsy/drunk sorority girls do wild and crazy things on spring break. Castle wanted to scream like a girl, but knew it was a one-time thing and completely inappropriate thoughts ran through his overly active imagination in about a second.

A tired and angry cop was dangerous and Kate was all three. She went into interrogation mode. "Ahhh ... Ricky I see you liked that. So tell us would that meet your needs?" She paused to catch her breath after lashing out it had been quick and she was out of breath. Rick dove in trying to protect her.

"Kate, stop it. That is not what I need … "The problem was he was tired too and not really able to effectively end her tirade. "You don't know what I need nor do you care enough to find out." He said softly.

Kate was wounded, how dare he, keep saying she didn't care. She was acting like a fool to get through to him that she cared that she would do anything. "Damn Rick I love you! How dare you say I don't know what you need? You need sex apparently. That's what everyone keeps telling me."

"No Kate, I want that of course, but that's not what I need."

"Then what do you need Rick. Spit it out stop dancing around ask and it's yours."

"Kate it's too bad you didn't ask before. But you already made your choice, I've been telling you for nearly four years. I need you all of you. I needed always with you and only you."

"Then why Rick why didn't you talk to me, tell me you heard, tell me what you need, you promised to wait and now you are leaving?"

"Because you chose your rabbit hole months ago you crawled into it and never came back out you hid waiting for your next chance to hunt, you sucked the life out of me and when I needed you shut me out and strung me along hoping, begging that when you said you needed time it was for us, but even then you told me the real truth … you would never be ready until … " He didn't need to finish.

"Rick, I would never choose the case over you and always."

"Kate you always choose the case you have for thirteen years. This morning I asked you did you want to talk about us or the case, you never hesitated you went right into the case."

"Damn it Rick that's not true there were people here to talk about the case it wasn't fair to keep them waiting and they certainly didn't need to hear about us."

"No they didn't Kate, but there were things they could have been doing. You could have said I want to talk about us, but we need to deal with the case so the agents didn't have to wait. You never thought to say that you made your choice. You told me six months ago you couldn't have a relationship until the case was solved. That may never happen and I'm through wasting time. I'm finished being the silent obedient lap dog that obediently follows you."

"Rick, you said you would wait forever as long as I needed. I don't get it what changed you have a sudden need that you are telling me about?"

"Kate, I watched you die. I confessed my love and I've waited. I can't wait any longer. I have needs that you can't meet, that you don't want to meet, hell you don't even want to know them. You always avoid talking … now it's too late. Besides your actions have shown you don't want me as anything other than a friend?"

Kate's beyond spent she's in a desperate rage she lets fly an unfiltered barrage … "What is it Castle, you need me to promise sex three times a week? I can do that. Do you need me to promise to comfort you while Alexis is off to college? Stand by you when she marries and it breaks your heart yet again? Cry tears of joy when she has babies? I realize all of those are things you need. I thought you knew I want all of that." She sees a brief look of pain at the mention of Alexis."

"My god if your baby girl growing up is that painful why didn't you have more kids, you had the means? No doubt you could have found a woman willing."

Too late she realized how that sounded. She knew that Meredith had cheated and run off and that his marriage to Gina was never all that good though she had never asked why. The simple explanation she got she had known from the start wasn't the whole story. She just didn't want to know. She had never cared enough about that marriage to ask she realized. It wasn't that she didn't care about Castle.

The deep sorrow that overcame Castle was bad really bad, she saw how deep it cut. That knowledge cut off the next statement Kate was about to make1, the one that had Kate said it before anything else would have made everyone's year.

_"I'll walk away on one condition marry me today."_ … The one statement that would have given a faint hope even this late in the game if she had only said it, the game changer would have stopped the end game. She thought she was too late.

Instead when she said no more Rick did …

"Kate I was waiting for you. You don't have the same dream. I thought you did. The case is your life. I hope one day you solve it and there is still time for you. Don't wait too long Kate you are extraordinary and deserve to be happy do it for yourself, do it for your mom." It was a simple statement by a broken man.

He turned and walked away, into his office. Kate started to follow Alexis cut her off. As soon as Kate realized she was there she looked into the young woman's face, she expected anger, instead she saw pity and anguished sorrow.

Jordan was already going after Rick. Martha was sobbing in Jim's arms. Jim was furious with his daughter, she deserved whatever she got … Kate couldn't have agreed more.

In a cold and terrified, voice … "Kate you have no idea what you've just done, or how wrong you are. I have to go deal with the mess you have made. You stay right where you are don't you dare move, don't you dare cry. If you do I promise you that you will rue the day you ever met me. If you run know that I will hunt you down. You can't run far enough or fast enough now promise me you won't move I will be back."

Everyone in the room was amazed at the depth of Alexis's statement. It was full of controlled anger and deep hurt. Few people stood up to Kate Beckett, even fewer stopped her in her tracks as Alexis had done.

"I promise." Alexis ran to her father, she was surprised to find Jordan with him. Jordan was watching she knew not to try to console the visibly distraught wonderful man.

"Alexis I will go make sure that no more damage is done. You know Kate loves him she just failed to understand that lie stole the time they needed. Time they didn't have to spare. I do understand."

"Send Lanie please I may need her help, grams isn't going to be up to it for a while."

Jim was talking to Martha "I think you should lie down I will get Jenny and Vicki, okay?"

Martha slowly gets up instead of going to the stairs she walks over to Kate. "Look at me Kate. My son was right both of you are bloodied now. It's a shame you didn't fight that hard for him.

I've watched you two lock horns for the last four years both so scared of being hurt you were frozen in place. You think you feel bad now I assure you it's going to get worse.

The heart wants what the heart wants … your hearts want each other. I will be back before Richard. You need to think carefully about what you will say before we leave later.

I know what you promised Alexis she wasn't thinking clearly go over there and sit down. I do think it best you don't cry that's not meant to punish you Alexis was protecting her dad.

If he sees you crying when he comes back well I do believe you know. You do not want him out of his pity and you crying would ensure that he would run back begging to wait for you. Its past time for waiting I'm sorry you had no idea just how great your love was."

Javi, Kevin, Lanie and Jordan walk over to her. Javi speaks first … "Detective do you have any idea what you have done?" She doesn't respond his cold use of Detective instead of her name a sharp rebuttal.

Lanie was next "Kate I'm beyond words right now. Did you hear yourself? Nothing, but what you need. I this and I that, only when you were raging did you talk about anyone else's need your decision to shut us all out. We're not through with this. I'm going to go check on him. You will fix it or spend the rest of your life trying. You know what you need to do to start, but not until Alexis has her say."

Kate nods the tears welling in her eyes she turns her head to look at Jordan.

"Kate he's not good, it will be a while. I'm disappointed, but I am still your friend. Everyone is it won't feel like it for a while. I think you know what you need to do. Making things right will be the hardest thing you have ever done. Kevin please get Kate a glass of water and a cool damp towel."

Jordan gently touches Kate's hand a simple gesture and then she is gone. She walks away.

Jordan finds Vicki out on the patio. Gates is crying, "That was brutal. Such a tragedy in time Kate will be so much better for it. A better person, free to finally love and even better detective if that is possible. The price all of us paid for that is steep.

I tried to talk to her to tell her that her team would be running the investigation just not out in the field. She was blinded by her assumption. She ran straight at him with the intent to make him pay because she thought he was responsible for her being taken off the case. Damn she's stubborn."

"She's still blinded … she's stronger than she realizes, but you might want to have her psychologist and an EMT team nearby." Gates pulls her phone out to make some calls.

_Kate Beckett sits waiting there's noise, but she's not hearing anything after all no one is talking to her._

* * *

><p><em>Additional note ... <em>

While some do not like extra characters or point out other shortcomings (that I do need to fix just not right now) in order to get the story told before tomorrow's show I will move things along. Perhaps there is a FAQ or some type of format to fanfic that I'm not aware of. If so I would appreciate someone letting me know, where to read it. I do need to work on my punctuation and grammar I explained that earlier I thought.

I was surprised at the objections to the NCIS team, but hey that's why there are reviews to let us know what works and doesn't. It works for some and it doesn't for others. Since, it is still an issue for some I will leave the following explanation. One thought though for those who questioned it. The characters were put into the story, quickly left and that was all, in other words, they are background/subtext … why not wait and see what happens instead of assuming they are taking over and will be the ones to solve the case? Now as I type that I understand the concern just was surprised that it was assumed they would solve the case or play a major role. I've seen plenty of fanfics with background characters dropped in.

The reason I chose the NCIS team is simple. Gibbs was a sniper, the weapon came from a SEAL, when Kate was shot they were quickly cut off from channels when the case was put on inactive status. Add to that the team didn't know who to trust … Castle does he calls a guy … who happens to have people who are very talented and can possibly help. They know they are dealing with something much bigger than Johanna Beckett's murder. Someone with a lot of power is involved in a conspiracy of yet unknown size and scope. It's nearly a year later and the team needs help. Three detectives and a writer working alone would be no match for someone with the resources to hire Coonan and Lockwood, to break Lockwood in a daring prison escape. The story arc in the show was unrealistic – two hit men, the murder in the prison, a black op prison break, Captain murdered and Beckett shot … can anyone say "task force" …

Sorry for the long note, but wanted to try and clear up some things and explain that yes the crazy turn is on purpose. Even though it came about slightly different than I first thought it would.


	11. Rage Keeps Burning

Silent Boom Chapter 11

A/N … This is going to be the hardest chapter to read. Warning it will contain deep issues that will be the catalyst for the future … potential tragedy, but there is hope for the changed future no happy ending for Castle and Beckett just yet … can Kate let go? Can Kate learn to ask for help? Is just part of what lies ahead. I hope that all of you can trust me, this is going to a really dark place, but it won't stay there forever.

I know some people have a hard time with character death or tragedy. If you are one of those you may need to consider not reading the whole chapter … I have put a break in the chapter that I will try to pick up in the next chapter to allow those who want to a chance to skip the really difficult part. It will be three lines separating the chapter. Stop there and pick up in the next chapter

As for tonight's Limey episode. I have a feeling I am not going to like the way Kate acts. As this story has shown I'm fed up with the way she treats him. Issues are one thing being mean is another.

Previously …

* * *

><p><em>Jordan finds Vicki out on the patio. Gates is crying, "That was brutal. Such a tragedy in time Kate will be so much better for it. A better person, free to finally love and even better detective if that is possible. The price all of us paid for that is steep.<em>

_I tried to talk to her to tell her that her team would be running the investigation just not out in the field. She was blinded by her assumption. She ran straight at him with the intent to make him pay because she thought he was responsible for her being taken off the case. Damn she's stubborn."_

_"She's still blinded … she's stronger than she realizes, but you might want to have her psychologist and an EMT team nearby." Gates pulls her phone out to make some calls._

* * *

><p><em>Kate Beckett sits waiting there's noise, but she's not hearing anything after all no one is talking to her.<em>

Alexis and Rick are alone. He's sobbing silently the deep loss had been ripped out of him, he can't speak at first.

Alexis "Dad I don't blame her she doesn't know. Please don't hate her for what she said."

"Pumpkin, I know and I am the one who should be telling you that. Kate has no idea what she said. I promise you it was said without malice. She was flailing for anything that would stick. I need some time. I can't go back out there knowing its good bye not yet."

"Dad I am going to ask you to do something for me."

"Anything pumpkin, always." Rick would give Alexis anything it has been that way since the moment she was born there was only two other people who he would do anything for.

"Dad I need you to promise me you will never stop loving Kate. I need to talk to her. I'm going to ask her to make me the same promise. I don't know when the time will be right, but both of you have to do this. You have to promise that you will hold onto your love and when the time is right you will give it a real chance.

That means dating, living together within a month – no stalling, marriage within six months or you walk away. No holding back what you feel and need. I've never asked for much even when you promised me the world. I'm asking you now to promise me that you will give Kate your love. Can you give me that promise and the hope that you will be happy again?"

"Alexis … I can try."

"No dad you have to promise."

"I promise if she does, but I can't hold on if she cannot promise the same."

"That's fair I accept. Now where are the journals? Is it in the case?"

"Pumpkin we agreed."

"I know dad. I need you to trust me. I will see what the right thing to do is and you will say goodbye before she I share it all with her if I do. We both know she has to make her decision before knowing."

"The journals are in the boxes by my desk. There is nothing else in the boxes. The case is behind the boxes. I trust you just be sure she can handle it. It's been an overwhelming day. I'll need an hour or so I think. I'll text you. That's silly texting you and you are right next door."

"Love you daddy."

"Love you pumpkin."

Alexis walks back through her dad's suite and out to the living room it's very quiet. Kate is in the chair, Alexis knows right away that Grams had her sit. No one has noticed her slip back in and she watches.

For fifteen minutes no one talks to Kate, Alexis can read Kate's face. She sees the question it's not quite formed, but Kate is close.

Alexis needs to talk to Captain Gates and Agent Shaw before anything else. Everyone needs to eat too. She sees Captain Gates out on the patio and knows it's time. Time such a precious and fleeting thing something one never has enough of. Always never meant for all time.

"Captain Gates, Agent Shaw can I have a few minutes with you in my dad's office please?" Both ladies nod their approval and Alexis turns and heads into the office through the patio entrance.

"I want to apologize for my behavior I said some terrible things last night and this afternoon. While they were true, the tone and words were hateful I am embarrassed. Please don't hold Kate's response against her. Before you say anything I need to ask you to promise that Kate can be involved with her mom's case as much as she can be and still be safe. If she can't be kept safe then well I don't know, but she has to live you will understand my begging soon. One last thing, if she wanted a leave of absence could she have one and how long could that before?"

Gates … "Alexis all I can promise you is we will do everything to keep her safe. We should be able to do that. She can work on the case from inside, but no field work. A leave of absence is possible, but I doubt she will request one. If she does I can approve a year after she runs out of any leave time. Anything longer would require approval from the Chief or Commissioner. Are there any other questions?"

"If she goes into protective custody we can still talk to her right? What about WITSEC?"

Jordan's turn …

"She can talk to anyone while in PC as long as we use secured channels. WITSEC we can get messages or letters to her, but she can't talk to you unless you go in with her. If your dad and Kate had gotten together it was going to be a strong suggestion. Your dad's fame would make it near impossible though."

"I understand. Dad had a plan that I think you know about that would have been good for a few years at least. I'm guessing someone has called for paramedics in case either of them needs it when it's time?"

Gates … "Yes are you really only eighteen?" … "You make your dad proud. It's been an honor to get to know you Alexis, I promise you we will do everything to keep them safe and one day they may have the chance their pride has kept them from having. Would you give me a hug I would cherish it very much."

A very deep meaningful hug is shared by all three ladies. Two strong law enforcement officers being shown courage by a remarkable eighteen year old the two officers wipe away tears as Alexis goes to talk to Beckett and her team.

Martha and Jenny are getting food ready. Alexis makes a quick stop to whisper to her grams. "I expected as much. Take a plate over to Kate and make her eat. She won't want to."

Lanie was kneeling on the floor, holding Kate's hand, but neither of them are talking when Alexis approaches. "Kate I need you to eat, do it for my dad and me please. I need to go change and then we will talk." \

Lanie takes the plate … "She'll eat it Alexis."

"Lanie can you get Javi to stay with her and come see me when she is done? I will be in my room okay?" Alexis turns and runs up the stairs, she gets to the top of the stairs and leans against the wall a bit out of breath it has been a trying day.

A short time later Lanie knocks and Alexis tells her to come in. "You wanted to see me sweetie?"

"Lanie, I need to ask you to do something it's going to be really hard.

I need you to promise to take care of Kate don't shut her out she did some things that hurt all of us, but she didn't do them on purpose. I really need her to be okay and to love my dad I need her to love me too, just not till, it's right for us.

I need you to keep her from chasing until you know she can truly give her heart to my dad. They will have one last shot if she can come to him ready to be one and done. If she tries to do it too soon it will end tragically.

I wish I could keep working with you it's been the most meaningful thing I have ever done. Even without the case to deal with I would not be coming back. Time for that is over and it would be unfair to Kate.

Dad needs a little more time and then I think we are leaving. I wanted a chance to say goodbye to you privately. I'm going to hug you lots for a few minutes. Give some of them to the guys and Jenny for me. I'll give them a brief one before I say goodbye, but once I talk with Kate I will be mush and need to go or I won't want to leave … I don't want to leave, but all of you are staying to work on the case and oh I just need to hug you. Here's a letter, but don't read it till later."

They head downstairs together. Alexis picks up "monkey-bunkey" as she turns off the light. As they look down from the top of the stairs everyone had gathered back together. No one is talking, but Javi and Jim are holding Kate's hands.

"Hey everyone, Kate can you move over to the couch I want grams and your dad on each side of you. I will be right back."

Alexis quickly goes to her dad's office. She opens a small metal case and removes a beautiful dark blue crystal and steel miniature trunk. It looks like a fancy miniature pirate chest. It always sat on top of her dad's dresser. It's rarely seen by anyone. She places it in a velvet bag that was laid on top of it to protect the engraved plate. She goes back and kneels down in front of Kate.

"Kate I said some terrible things I am sorry. That's not enough, but it's all I have right now. Maybe time will give us the chance for more. I need to ask can you talk to me without filtering, give me complete honesty no matter what?"

"Always no more hiding." Alexis thinks that one of the best things she has ever heard.

"I figured as much. I've got a few questions okay?" Kate nods.

"Do you love my dad I mean really, really love him?"

"YES!"

"Are you willing to wait until you are certain you can give your love unconditionally?"

"I don't want to wait I want it now, but I will wait as long as it takes."

"Kate I can't tell you how long that will be. It could be tomorrow. You will have to communicate hear each other when you do, but only really go for it when you are both ready. Remember what I told you this morning that I really need you to love him and take care of him? Do you know how important that is to me? Can you promise me to love him when the time is right?"

"Alexis, I already do, it's just been silly pride and fear."

"Kate I have a few more things, but before I can share them do you, have any questions or thoughts to share?"

"Alexis I'm sorry too and it's not enough. Promise me we will have time to make amends."

"How about we promise to try we both know time is not guaranteed." Kate can't help it she's amazed here is the mature beyond her years Alexis gently reminding all of the adults not to waste time.

"Alexis can you tell me what else is going on I get the feeling this is not only my terrible decision, but something more I hurt your dad, but I hurt you to with what I said at the end?"

"I will in a few minutes. Kate can you come with me out to the patio just us? Oh… Jordan is that okay or should Kate not go out there?"

"It's okay just stay over in the far corner by the high wall to be safe."

Alexis and Kate walk out to the patio and out of hearing of everyone else.

"Alexis I need you to be honest I'm terrified of the answer, but I have to know all the time references have me scared … is your dad dying, please tell me no that I haven't lost him over my stupidity?"

"Kate dad's not dying I promise if he was I would never let you two be apart. Trust me that is not why I need you to love him. I've needed you to love him for a long time. You know I meant everything in that note this morning. I really did want to call you mom."

"I know." Alexis could tell Kate wanted to say more.

"Mom yes I have to call you mom at least this once, please know, I mean it. Don't be embarrassed did you take my advice?"

"Oh wow … you can never tell your father, but yes I did. Thank you for pushing me, I well just thanks I do feel more than a little embarrassed to admit that to you."

Kate looks up and sees big tears and an even bigger smile as Alexis has one last thing to share privately …

"Mom, I am so glad you did. I wish it could have been a fairy tale night, but at least I know you have that much. With as strong as your passion is that might be better than soft romance it's beyond weird to be talking about this, in time you will understand why I pushed and why I needed to know. I need you to walk me in and hold me while I say goodbye. Then we'll go get dad. It's time I will try to get you and dad more time in the next few days, but I well I think you know we are leaving NY at least for a while. Oh wow I think I better just talk to Javi, Lanie, Kevin and Jenny all at once."

They walk back in and Kate waves the team over. "Guys Alexis … well she needs to … damn … "

"What Kate, I mean mom is trying to say is it's time for all of us to get some rest.

My dad will be out soon and he needs to talk to you. I know you didn't mean to hurt him and that you do love him, but for now there are reasons that he can't share with you for his leaving.

What happened with Mom was just the linchpin, you all were protecting mom, while dad was hurt and angry, I was too there were a lot of things built up on both sides, things that should have been talked through and things that never should have happened. Silence can be as deadly as any bullet.

As long as the killer is still out there they can't be together and they can't continue as they were. I don't know when or if I will see you again. No don't say anything. I need you to know I love you and admire all of you.

Jenny, I know you will be a wonderful mom Kevin will be a great dad just like mine is. Javi quit stalling. Lanie … thanks.

Mom, I hate this and want you to know … well Always."

Alexis gave them all a quick hug, a much longer one for Kate.

Then she runs over to Grandpa Jim … "Grandpa, take care of my mom for me send her to my dad when she's ready, promise?"

The four friends had all taken a deep emotional breath when they heard Alexis call Kate mom. Then for her to be saying a goodbye that seemed more than just I'll see you in a few weeks left them speechless. It had been a long and emotional few days. Kate had some things to answer for and amends to make. They would not shut her out like they had Rick, but she wasn't off the hook either.

"I promise I think it will be sooner then you expect." Jim offered with a raspy voice. Another hug as tears ran down both their cheeks.

Hugs for Gates and Shaw even though she will see them in the morning, she goes to get her dad.

"Dad it's time."

"I know pumpkin, what did you decide?"

"You need to say goodbye and then I have those last few things. It's the right way to do this."

"I trust you …. Always."

They walk slowly arm in arm, to the moment they have feared since mid-June a month after Kate had been shot. It's not forever, but it will still take more strength than either feels they have.

Alexis lets go of her father and slides into the arms of her grams her heart breaking as her dad walks over to the team, Gates is in the background, Shaw is close to Alexis, Kate and her dad are beside Lanie.

"I'm not going to try to tell all of you want you mean to me and my family.

I had hoped to be able to convince Kate to come with us and for all of you to take much needed and long vacations to join us at times. While others found the man who ordered the hit on Kate. God that's still one of the hardest things to say, it's not close to what I have to say right now.

There are no promises in life least of all that we will all be together again.

I imagine you have figured out already, but I will not be at One PP tomorrow. It's not my place. I'm not being modest, my role was simply to help and I am grateful for that opportunity. The work was the most rewarding I've ever done.

Mother has letters and some documents for each of you. Accept them and no arguing. Javi and Kevin keep my girl safe.

Jim I want to thank you and Johanna for giving Katie to the world and to me. I wish I this was another time when I was getting her hand. You know how I feel.

Kate, there really are no words and yet a million things, I need you to promise to choose life and to be happy. I hope that with time there may still be an always. Timing was simply not our thing. Thank you for being extraordinary. Javi, do you still have that box I asked you to hold for me?"

"Right here." Somehow, Javi had known. He handed the small blue box to Rick. Rick knew that Javi would know there was a "little" extra gift in the envelope for Javi.

"Kate, this is not how I ever dreamed of this. I am not asking yet. I am asking you to wear this as my promise to always love you as much tomorrow as I did the minute I fell in love with you, you were right I had no idea. I did by the time you finished saying that. Those few seconds was all it took for you to become my always. Will you wear this knowing that it could be awhile or do you prefer to just keep it safe?"

"Rick, I have always loved you. I hurt you and have pushed you away. I hated you when I realized you were pulling away, but I understand why now.

I will wear it, but not on my finger just yet. That's for when you do ask my dad and you better not wait too long. For now if you agree would you put it on here next to my mom's ring? It will be for our future life together. Okay?"

Rick unclasps her necklace and together they slide the ring onto the chain. They don't want to let go, but they know they need to for now. He places the necklace back around her neck.

He leans in and kisses her, it's as soft and loving as imaginable yet for the two of them it's filled with raw passion and longing and love yet to be fulfilled. Kate let's go of her father's hand and walks Rick to the door.

The step outside for a minute of privacy they kiss again and then set the other free. "Rick, I won't be long." …

"Kate, we both know you would hate me if I asked you to give it up and come with me. You would come but it would ruin us. I don't think we should talk at least not often not until you are free. We'll figure that out in the next few days. Alexis needs to talk with you it will help you understand. She wants you to understand and I trust her. Until tomorrow my extraordinary KB, always."

The tears come hard for both, she forces herself back inside. He closes his eyes just before she disappears from his view.

Martha pulls her close …

"Kate, no man has ever loved like my son loves you. You stay safe and come to him soon he has never needed anything as much as he needs you. I will be proud to call you my daughter.

I am going to ask you what my son and granddaughter won't. Give up the case let someone else do it, it's time for you to live and love Kate. Only do this if it's right for you do it for yourself first and foremost then for Rick, Alexis, your dad or me. Do it only when it's right for you just don't wait too long.

You will always have my number and always be welcome when it's time."

Jim has joined them and Martha gives him a hug and a kiss "Thanks for sharing her Jim, you two come home soon."

Kate and her dad walk over to join the team. Alexis is waiting and it's time.

With a steady yet emotional voice Alexis offers her love … "Well this is it sorry for the drama, but well its life with the Castle's and you are all part of the family you have been for nearly four years.

I set the letters over on the counter, I'm sorry I'm too chicken to give them to you individually. I want to grab all of you and hold on, but I can't. Kate I want you to come here please, it's going to be really hard so Javi and Kevin how about you get right behind her. Thanks."

"Kate … Mom, I am going to ask you to promise me in front of our family that you will hold onto your love. When you can give yourself freely you will go to my father. That you will date for real. That you will move in together within thirty days. No later than six months you will marry or you will separate as friends, always friends and be happy however it turns out. Can you promise that? I'm sorry, but you have to answer now."

"Absolutely, I promise."

"Thank you, had you said no I would be hugging you goodbye."

"Will you come with me now and leave the case behind?"

"What … um I can't, I'm sorry."

"Kate, it's, okay it was a trick question. If you said yes I was leaving with a promise to return in an hour. Except you would have gotten a letter of goodbye and we would have been gone. Dad and I wish more than anything you would say yes and mean it, but we knew you are not ready, yet."

"Kate, I think you better sit down for this I wasn't thinking."

"I know it scared you when dad fled the room after you mentioned babies and then my wedding and all that. This is not a trick question do you want children, more importantly my father's children, brothers or sisters for me?"

"Yes, soon too." Kate was surprised just how much she meant it especially the soon part.

"Mom, you will be an extraordinary mom. You don't know it but you already have been. I am so sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

Now for the part you and everyone need to know so you understand why dad was so broken. He knows you had no idea, so you don't have to worry. Here take this and read the plate on the top" …

Kate gasps as she reads the beautiful engraving _"Joseph Alexander Castle April 1 – May 4, 1995"_

"Alexis … why?" The unfinished question ... why had he never told her about his son Kate was wondering.

"Kate, mom, you never dated you were in a great relationship that was in the moment. You would have only learned that once you were committed to him. It's just very private you understand.

There are a lot of things you don't know about him. Ninety five percent good things you will learn when you are free to know all about him.

When you accepted the ring it was okay for me to tell you. He wanted to wait he doesn't want you to chase him out of pity. I told him you wouldn't, but like you he needs reassurance you love him for him and him only."

"Alexis, I didn't know oh god please, please I need to see him just for a little while l need to comfort him and I need him to comfort me. No, no, no …. I … "

"Mom, breathe, another … Lanie you best come close. Thanks. I need a hug, Thanks mom.

Jordan can you take this be sure it is put in the case by my dad's desk after I leave. Next to the two boxes those go to mom, to Kate. The case needs to go with our stuff. You will know it as soon as you see it. Thanks. "

Alexis decided not to tell anyone that the beautiful little box contained ashes that would one day mix with her father's and in time with hers.

"Time … yes it's time … I need to ask all of you to promise that you will not try to stop me from leaving once I give you the last part of the explanation. Mom I want you to walk me to the door, hug me, give me a kiss goodbye and then come to my dad soon. Jordan I know you figured it out already, so help my mom okay?"

"I will Alexis. Do you need me to explain?" Jordan offered.

"No, I've been preparing for this since June.

Mom you have been trying to figure out why dad kept saying that he couldn't wait by your side or be your partner that he was out of time. You also don't understand why he was so hurt by your not asking him how things were for him while you were gone.

I need you to know that I made him promise not to tell any of you unless asked and that's the only reason you don't know this already.

It hurt your relationship and I'm so, so sorry. I need you to deal with your mother's case.

If you get closure or can truly walk away then yes I need you, more than I've ever needed a mom in my life. As badly as I need you if time allows I need you when you are ready not out of pity. I need you to keep your promise to love my dad and to make him happy."

"Alexis … no … no … please no … it's not your dad it's you, oh please tell me I'm wrong." Kate realized both the horrific truth and that she hadn't quite believed Alexis's denial about Rick earlier. Her soft sobs were filled with so much pain and regret.

Alexis reached up and slowly pulls off the wig made of her own hair. Her father had cried when she asked for that as soon as she was diagnosed as if he could deny her anything.

"I can't. I have a chance it's not a great one, it will be a difficult fight.

But now you know why time and the mention of my marrying and having babies pushed dad over the edge.

If I hadn't made him keep it a secret maybe you two would be okay please forgive me I knew you didn't need to be worrying about me. I was in remission by the time you came back. I didn't want you worrying.

I graduated early because of this, but college is on hold. My check up three days before the bombing was when we found out it was back.

That's what dad was going to tell you at the precinct that he loved you, that he needs you and that I need you, that we all needed to stop wasting time.

He was going to propose to you as soon as the case was over. He was going to bring all of you home and he wasn't taking no for an answer so he could do it in front of our family. Don't be mad the loft is yours now we want you and your dad to live here. In time maybe we can all live here."

There wasn't a dry eye in the loft. Kate grabbed Alexis in a motherly hug, "I'm coming with you." …

"No mom not yet I do need you and maybe I will ask later, but right now I've got dad and grams. You taught me how to fight and I will fight.

Captain Gates take care of my family. Lanie, since Kate's my mom, you have to be my really cool Aunt and I you know … I've got to go or I will never leave. I will miss all of you. Walk me to the door Mom. Grandpa Jim, I love you."

The hardest walk of Kate's life was all of twenty feet.

Very softly … "Mom, whatever happens don't get lost again. If I'm right name my brother James Montgomery Castle. He needs a strong name he's going to be a feisty one.

Please tell everyone I'm sorry about my secret.

Dad would have waited forever, but he was pushed to far by all of this. It's no one's fault, but yes you two both should have admitted your feelings long ago.

Oh, Monkey-Bunkey is on the table take care of him for the baby."

"Baby?" Alexis just nods ... "Mom your day planner was on the bedside table." Alexis smiled a loving and mischievous smile. Then it hit Kate she just smiled she didn't dare speak.

"Alexis, I'm walking you to the elevator. Where are you going, how do I come to you?"

"Dad will be in touch or Jordan if you go into WITSEC"

"Not unless all of you come with me."

"WITSEC won't work for us."

"Oh right … how will you be safe? I've got to talk to Jordan." That fame thing.

"Dad's got a plan he talked to one of his guys." Alexis smiled and she stepped into the elevator Kate didn't want to let her go. When she had to she ran back into the loft and straight to Lanie.

Kate slowly raises her head and looks at Captain Gates … "Thank you." She mouthed silently Kate had just realized why Castle was thrown out of the precinct was to go care for his daughter. It was the perfect cover for the press for why he was suddenly at home. She is a detective after all.

Seven adults were frozen in place rocked by the strength and courage of an eighteen year old young woman. A woman who had every right to be angry at Kate and the world, yet she not only loved she forgave and gave them hope when most would give up.

Kate couldn't help, but think … "Rick you are so wrong I'm not the extraordinary one … it's our daughter then one you gave to me when I wasn't paying attention, just like you gave me your love." Kate didn't realize she had said that out loud, none of the others mentioned it, but they all agreed Alexis was every bit as extraordinary as Kate.

That's when it hit Kate. She had been so busy attacking and making excuses she never explained. She had been blinded by rage feeling that she was being betrayed. When all that was happening was two people she loved who desperately needed her had only heard about her needs. Yet they still forgave her. Kate's true voice had been silent too long … but would it be too soon. She had some things to think about.

Jordan was watching. The others were so close to all of this they wouldn't recognize the look on Kate's face at first … a soft sad smile crossed Jordan's face. Kate was finally ready … it was now just a matter of when Kate asked to be free. For now the team needs some time alone.

"Sorry to interrupt. I have some details to work out with the security team. It's best to stay here tonight and in the morning we'll head to the precinct. I will be back in an hour. Anyone need anything while I out?" They shook their heads no and Gates spoke … "Thanks, Jordan we'll call if we think of anything."

_Out __by__ the elevator …_

_"Castle its Jordan I'll be there in twenty. I need to make some calls."_


	12. Birth of Phoenix

Silent Boom Chapter 12

A/N … Baby steps or running … hmmmm

I had to split this off from the last chapter. I've got ideas for moving it forward. I suspect there will be a need for the case and Alexis's situation resolved. This could end here or continue. There will be at least one more chapter, but not sure if will be an epilogue or continuation.

I also just realized that after the Limey airs tonight we then have two weeks to the next episode. Only two more eps this season. I am starting to think I might have an idea where the season will end and boy do I hope I'm wrong. I do hope that the readers have enjoyed this somewhat different take on things. I know some of it went A/U ... but isn't all fanfic when it comes down to it. One area that the show has not really covered is all that much about either of their backgrounds only hints of Kate before her mother's death and just the playboy image ex wife stuff for Rick. Heck I think you could have a cheers type thing with the Old Haunt ... a few minutes in order to give us some back story. Rick needs a male friend like Kate has with Lanie. I think Roy was that guy and now he has no one. hmm

Edited 4-15-12 to correct grammar and other issues. Still not perfect. Please pm any mistakes you find. Content has not been changed significantly.

* * *

><p>Previously …<p>

"_Castle its Jordan I'll be there in twenty. I have something to tell you. I need to make some calls."_

* * *

><p>They had managed to get Kate to sit down. Lanie was holding her.<p>

Esposito was pacing back and forth somewhat frantically. Ryan was comforting Jenny, who was innocent when it came to the type of stress all of them was under. Gates was working the phone to get things moving for the task force and to let her husband know she would need some clothes brought over.

"Kate, I think you should probably go lay down just for a little while. Come on." Lanie walks with Kate to the stairs as they head to Alexis's room. Lanie stops for a minute. Kate realizes her concern … "Lanie its okay I want to show you something."

Ryan thinks that's a good idea for Jenny as well. She doesn't say a word as he gently guides her to the stairs.

Inside Alexis's room …

Kate walks over to her purse and pulls out a folded piece of paper. She reads it again quickly and then hands it to Lanie. Lanie's eyes go huge at what was said.

She looks from note to Kate and back, she's speechless at first … finally. "Kate is you telling me … you took her advice? …. I'm so happy for you. I have to ask why in the middle of all this?"

"Something made me realize it really might be my only chance that he was leaving and not coming back. I knew he wouldn't stay because of it, but…"

"Kate I understand. I won't ask … yet." And for the first time in weeks Kate was able to laugh just a little.

"Lanie there's something else, here." Lanie is confused when Kate hands her a day planner.

It's similar to the one Kate had given Alexis when Alexis came to her about advice. Kate had shown her how to track important times, warning the young woman that nothing was 100% and it might be a good idea to know when things should be avoided. For Kate this was a day that should have been avoided.

"Kate … wow, was that smart?" Lanie was sure without asking that Kate had never thought about the consequences, secretly Lanie hope there would be some. Kate and Rick deserved to be happy. Time was not waiting.

"It never crossed my mind. I really thought I would chicken out. Now well I guess I'll have to trust fate a little."

"Okay sweetie, but you really do need to lie down you want me to stay?"

"For a few minutes, but then I need to be alone. I need to talk to everyone later okay?"

Lanie just hugs her friend and before long Kate has fallen asleep. Lanie slips out.

Down in the kitchen Gates and the boys are talking. Lanie joins them.

Ryan was first the concern they all felt evident in his voice … "How is she?"

"Exhausted of course, but she's going to be okay. She wants to talk to use later." Lanie was confident as she offered her reassurance.

Esposito gives Lanie a hug and a kiss … Gates laughs when Lanie and Esposito realize what they just did. "Just keep it appropriate during cases you two."

She goes on to tell them that the next day will be a short one just the One PP appearance and then only a few hours working on setting up the small task force. Once they have more facts a final decision on just what Beckett and the team can safely take on will be made.

Esposito brings up the elephant … "Man it's going to be strange not to have Castle on this. Honestly, Beckett really needs him for this. She won't ask, but I guarantee he knows it and it's killing him. Hey I'm sorry, but I need to process all that's happened is that okay?"

Nods of agreement and everyone goes their separate ways it will be about two hours later when they start joining back up. Once again in the warm kitchen of the loft fresh coffee and snacks are shared. They are debating what to have for dinner when Gates gets a call from Shaw.

"Don't make or order dinner it's on the way. Be there in ten. That was Jordan she's on the way and apparently dinner is taken care of."

Everyone smiles one less thing to have to deal with. Five minutes later there is a knock at the door and three waiters with carts. They are invited in and start setting up trays of Italian dishes, bread, salad and wine. A night of comfort food to help them relax, Kate walks in as they are finishing up. This is not your ordinary take out. The setup is that of a catered event the food is in warming trays, linen napkins, fine china, crystal wine glasses and real silverware. A bittersweet smile crosses her lips as one word is spoken … "Castle."

Kate is surprised when her dad walks up behind her. Somehow she had forgotten he was there. "Of course Katie, Rick's been taking care of you for thirteen years now."

"Daddy … I'm torn we are so close to finally … Alexis and Rick. I feel like I am letting them down, but I don't want to let mom down."

"Katie you can't let mom down and like Rick I trust you to do what is right for you. If that doesn't show you how unconditional his love is then nothing will."

"But why didn't he tell me and why didn't he ask for my help? … I never meant to string him along, it was … "

"Katie you made mistakes, but that ring proves he isn't giving up. He just has to take care of Alexis like I should have taken care of you. No don't worry we need to make our amends as well this is just a start." Jim Beckett just pulled his little girl to his chest and let her cry. Soft tears for all they have missed.

There is a knock at the door and Lanie lets Jordan Shaw in. There's a brief look and they disappear into Castle's office closing the door only to find Vicki Gates in the room just as she ended a call.

Lanie asks "Jordan?"

"You didn't see the look, you couldn't you were hugging Kate. She gets it Lanie. It took too long and the last day was brutal, but something clicked while you were holding her."

"Really … it's about damn time. So spill."

"What?"

"Jordan you need a better poker face."

"I went and asked Rick if I could talk to Alexis alone. I told her what I saw. She's working on her dad right now they are in the parking garage … protected of course. Alexis somehow convinced me that her dad needs to be beside Kate while this thing goes down. You're her best friend I can't make the call on whether to consider it … Vicki need your thoughts as well."

Gates … "What about Alexis?"

"Apparently they weren't going to be leaving the city, just a decoy trip and then going into hiding. However, her doctors are still debating if she needs to go to Houston or Mayo. So there are some dynamics involved. Alexis already made the argument that her Grams and Jim would take care of her while her Dad and Kate … her "mom" … do what they need to do. Alexis was pretty sure Kate needed to share some things that her father needed to hear. They are an incredible team, but they have a lot on their plate."

Lanie … "I think we should talk to Jim."

Gates and Shaw … "Great idea." … They laughed at the stereo sound.

Lanie went to get Jim Beckett and brought him to the office. They quickly filled him in.

"Ladies, I went to Rick and asked him to keep my Katie safe. He has gone above and beyond. Kate would be safer with him nearby, but I'm not sure she would agree with what Alexis is facing.

I take it Rick and his family are willing to come back to at least talk? If so I think Kate should be allowed to make her choice.

By the way the chef said dinner will be served in thirty minutes apparently all that food still required some final preparation. There's enough to feed an army literally."

Lanie … "That's because Castle is making sure all the security eats well. I bet there are waiters somewhere in the building to swoop in and fix trays for everyone."

Shaw … "Actually there's a catering truck for that. I will let Castle know what Jim thinks. I don't think Rick has a chance Alexis wants them to be together at least tonight it's like she has something planned."

Lanie … "Oh lord … I think I better go see if I can't convince Kate to put on something nice. Perhaps we should all do that. If we are all dressing up a little…" Left unsaid was it would be easier to persuade Kate.

Gates … "I like it. We've got tough days and possibly weeks ahead. I have to think Castle already agreed when he got in the car with Alexis and Martha."

A short time later Lanie and Kate are in Alexis's room …

"Lanie I'm doing this for you do you really think Javi's going to pop the question … tonight?"

"Just a hunch, besides fine dining demands we dress up a little. Thankfully with the clothes that were delivered we have some choices. Are you going to be okay tomorrow in your dress blues?" A little white lie never hurt Lanie thought to herself. Plus Lanie recognized that the next day would be the first time for Beckett to wear dress blues since the shooting. Detectives rarely wear uniforms on the job.

"What … oh wow I hadn't thought about that. I wish Rick was going to be there. He deserves the recognition too … actually more he solved the case. Amazing to think he remembered seeing her remove that hands free device just before the bomb detonated. Thanks for thinking about the blues, I will be okay, but I may need a hug or two."

"You know it. I'll say it … you look lovely I think I need to take a picture to send Rick."

"Thanks Lanie, I hope I didn't mess things up. I have a lot of things to fix when I can."

"Write-man won't leave you for long not after today. It was closer than you think. Just to be clear we aren't finished with all that. Lots of wine and tears in our future, but there will be a tomorrow for you. I promise." Lanie hugs her friend and they both cherish the moment.

"Thanks Lanie, I guess we should go join everyone. I want to talk after we eat. Not long, just a few key things to share I need to explain."

Kate really did look beautiful it was a dark green dress not a fancy one, just one that was comfortable while still making her feel very much a woman and allowing her to relax from the hard edge of being the best homicide detective in New York.

What only Lanie and Kate knew was Lanie had somehow convinced Kate that a very sexy cream colored lingerie set underneath and thoughts of her future with Rick would help her get through the evening. Kate said she felt funny dressing for Rick and he wasn't going to be there, little did she know.

"Kate you know what let me go ahead give me two minutes I want to be downstairs and take your picture when you start down the stairs. I'll send it to Writer-Man."

"Lanie that's mean … I love it, but when did you start calling him writer-man?"

"He earned it the moment he gave you your ring of course."

Lanie practically ran downstairs.

Esposito was over by Rick's office. Rick had slipped in and had changed to one of his Armani suits. Alexis and Martha were out of sight, they could see Rick's face, but not the stairs, but that's what they wanted to see.

"Grams, I really need this more than dad and mom. Promise not to tell them I am scared. I understand that they need time. But we have to admit as slow as they are a wedding may be awhile and time …"

Martha just hugged her to silence. Delicately wiping away the tears she didn't want Alexis to see. Alexis wasn't the only one who had the feelings and thoughts just shared.

Kate wasn't looking for Rick so he got a view of her beauty first. Lanie caught his expressions in several quick photos. Ryan was taking pictures of Kate. It was the flash of Lanie's camera that causes Kate to look over to where Rick stood.

The emotions on both their faces screamed it was the right decision to take the risk. Rick couldn't wait he ran up the stairs meeting her halfway.

"You clean up nice Detective." … "Rick you remembered." … "Kate when will you learn I remember every second with you?"

Alexis joined them for a few photos when Lanie and Ryan insisted. Everyone was actually hungry so they quickly dug in. A toast from Jim … another from Rick … short and simple to the family everyone was happy to join in.

Kate stood up as everyone was about to dig in. "Thank all of you for saving me from myself. I need to share a few things after we eat, just a few thoughts I promise and then we all need a movie or something fun tonight"

Kate was nervous …

"I owe all of you so much. In time I will talk with each of you individually. I am going to be saying I quite a bit here I hope you understand." They all laughed they did understand.

"I did what I thought was right for me, but by doing that I failed all of you. I never should have lied to Rick and once I did I couldn't face what I had done let alone tell him.

At first I wanted to run and tell him, then before I knew it weeks had passed they were releasing me and I was ashamed.

I also had to deal with being shot, with the way I hurt Josh, with bad choices in men, good men just not the one for me.

I have PTSD and I needed help. I went back to counseling and it has helped, but it's far from done.

I'm becoming a better person. I want that for myself and for all of you. I need to be especially for Rick he doesn't know it yet, but he's the reason I want to be better.

My doctor, Dr. Burke has been trying to get me to talk to Rick. He wants Rick to come to some of the sessions. I ran from that afraid if Rick knew the real me he would run and never look back.

It took an amazing and extraordinary young woman to show me what unconditional love means and that I am blessed to be loved unconditionally by her and Rick.

I am going out on a limb here I think all of you love me unconditionally in your own way.

I promise you I won't let you down again. I will stumble, but please know I never meant to hurt any of you.

Alexis thank you for letting me know I have an amazing daughter. If you're still willing I will be there for you as much as I can. I do need to still work on my mom's case, but no more hiding in it. Alexis, Rick … I need a hug before I burst."

Rick was right beside Kate yet Alexis was in her arms first. "Mom I love you." With that Kate lost it, but it was a healthy release.

Fifteen minutes later Halo was out, as well as cards. A family fun night was relaxing for everyone before work the next morning.

Kate whispered to Lanie … "Thank you and no you aren't going to get details."


	13. A Not So Silent Night

Silent Boom Chapter 13

A/N … Baby steps or running … hmm … nope still have not bought the rights I am a few million short this week. A little bit lighter for this short chapter. I've had some messages asking for details of the hour earlier in the day and what happens this night. There will be a separate M chapter or two.

Edited 4-15-12 ... still not perfect. Please pm any mistakes you find. Thanks.

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><p><em>Previously …<em>

_Rick was right beside Kate yet Alexis was in her arms first. "Mom I love you." With that Kate lost it, but it was a healthy release._

_Fifteen minutes later Halo was out, as well as cards. A family fun night was relaxing for everyone before work the next morning._

_Kate whispered to Lanie … "Thank you and no, you aren't going to get details."_

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><p>Alexis pulls Ryan and Jenny to the side. "Kevin I'm going to ask mom and dad to come out on the patio. Give me five minutes and then play this song on the iPod deck select speakers D with are the ones out on the patio. Oh and tell Lanie to take pictures … video would be great, but I don't know where the camcorder is."<p>

"Mom, Dad, will you come with me I haven't had a chance to talk to you two alone. Just for a few minutes I'm going to bed soon." Kate and Rick both cringed. They knew this had taken a heavy toll on Alexis it was only 8:30 and she was ready for bed. Kate looked at Rick they pulled Alexis between them.

_Once outside on the loft's large terrace …_

"I want you two to know that I love you and I'm going to fight, but seeing you two finally admitting how you feel … well I was afraid I would never see it. Dad you gave me the best gift ever tonight when you agreed to come back. You let me pick my mom and brought me to her. I will be okay while you two do what needs to be done. I learned an important lesson my gift to you both is my promise that when I need you I will tell you. If you can't come because of the case I will know that you will as soon as possible. I do want one more thing though stay right here holding each other … you'll understand."

As Alexis walks to the doorway … "Kate, I think our daughter just set up our first dance."

"I know she did I wonder what song it's going to be."

"Jim Croce Time In Bottle" Right as he spoke as if it was on cue …

If I could save time in a bottle

The first thing that I'd like to do

Is to save every day till eternity passes away

Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever

If words could make wishes come true

I'd save every day like a treasure and then

Again, I would spend them with you

"How?" … "She heard it on the way to the hideout. She said that is your song. I kind of like it." "That makes three of us."

They continued dancing even after the music stopped. It was close to a minute before the sounds of the city woke them from the moment.

They turned to head back inside and were overwhelmed by the look on Alexis's face. Then they noticed Jim and Martha behind Alexis, they were as happy as Alexis, but there was some concern. That's when Kate and Rick noticed how they were holding Alexis. They were not only hugging her, but actually keeping her from falling.

Rick ran to his daughter and quickly scooped her up. He didn't have to look back to know Kate was right behind. He carried her to her room and gently laid her down.

"Pumpkin I'm sorry it's been too much for you. I'll be here."

In a voice straight out of the Exorcist … "No you won't you're not ruining things because I'm tired. Now get out. I need to sleep."

Then she laughed she was teasing them … "Seriously I'm okay just happy."

She wasn't telling a lie she just wasn't telling them everything.

"Pumpkin?" … "Dad please go, I want to talk to Mom a minute I will be fine. Grams will stay with me or Grandpa Jim."

Rick looked at Kate who shook her head in agreement trying to hold back the tears. Alexis was right Jim would be right there beside Martha. Kate tried to figure out how Alexis knew that.

Then it dawned on her she had never asked about what happened at the hospital. It was nearly two weeks from the day she was shot until she really woke up. She had asked about the investigation, but never about the days when she was out of it. She always thought she didn't want to know. Now she realized that in time she needed to know.

"Rick, I think we best do what she asks we don't need to upset her more I'll be right out." Rick bends down to kiss Alexis on the forehead. They both hold a little longer and deeper than usual. "See you tomorrow Pumpkin."

"Alexis, you promise me you will send Grams to get us if you need us."

"Mom, I'm tired and yes I know you know I'm a little uncomfortable. If it wasn't something I could handle I would tell you.

Now what I wanted to tell you is I'm so proud of you. I do want and need some time with you soon if we can, but I know you will be busy.

I am sorry I will not be there in the morning … Doctor … "just how tired Alexis was clear with the fading sound.

Kate did not let her finish … "Alexis, its okay that's more important just rest."

She felt the young woman fall asleep in her arms. She went limp so fast Kate thought for a second she was going to have to scream for help, until she looked at Alexis and saw the contented face of sleep.

She softly kissed her daughter's forehead and went to go find Martha. She didn't have to go far Martha and her dad had slipped in and were watching from beside the door. "Martha … how bad is it? … I … sorry … we haven't talked about this … it should have been first."

"Kate, I know you need to know. I think you've had enough already for today and it can wait until tomorrow.

Don't argue go to Rick for all of you. I can assure you that most of what you just saw is simply being emotionally exhausted.

Let me share one thing I know you are a bit confused about how strongly Alexis feels. She's been falling in love with you right alongside her father.

Yes, she is protective of him.

She told me that the day at the bank when she screamed at you about Richard and I being all she had was the day she knew you loved her. She said she knew by the look on your face that was no longer true that she had you.

I only wish she had seen that look of pure joy when you found us. Kate, go now and love my son. We've got this." Kate understood Martha was letting her know that all was forgiven.

A hug and a kiss from her father, "Katie, I'm so happy for you. We have things to talk about much later, for now take care of your family. I think you finally realized what's important. Good Night."

As Kate walked down the stairs, she was surprised to see both Vicki Gates' and Jordan Shaw's husbands had arrived. Rick was in an animated discussion with them and she slipped up beside.

It was amazing how easily she did. Just the touch of her hand to his back was all it took. He raised his arm to let her slide in, without missing a beat of the conversation. She was home maybe only for a little while, but it was right it was just.

She glanced out to the patio where Lanie and Javi were dancing. Jenny and Kevin were snuggled on the couch Kevin was asleep in Jenny's arms. Jenny looked very content. "I'll be back." She slipped back out and hurried over to Jenny.

"Jenny I'm so sorry, I … can you please let me show you sometime soon?" …

"Kate it hurt, but we both know you didn't mean it. Maybe a little jealous because you were so scared you were losing Rick. Don't think about it we forgive you. Kevin and I talked earlier we realized we haven't included all of you in our social life nearly as much. When this is all over we all need a vacation and time together. Kevin has been worried about telling you and it won't be until this is over, but he's going to cut his hours back no more 70 plus hour weeks. We needed time for us even before this, but now … wow that song it makes think and … sorry Alexis's situation really makes you stop and think about what's important. Now you want some good news?"

"I would love some, what?"

"You can't tell anyone. I have not told Kevin, yet. I took a pregnancy test after we got back. I'm pregnant."

"Jenny … wow … why me?"

"You needed some good news and Kevin fell asleep just as I was about to tell him. I'm going to take him to bed and let him sleep. I will tell him at the ceremony I think."

"Great idea, congratulations goodnight."

A quick arm squeeze and kiss on the cheek shared between two friends who were better for the day they had shared. Kate was really starting to like this touchy feely stuff. She looked for Rick her sooner then he realizes husband. She recognized that together was more important than anything. He poured two cups of coffee and he turned to find her. She smiled a smile he hadn't seen since the bank heist.

"Rick, take me to bed."

"Why Detective I've been waiting for you to ask that for nearly four years." He laughed and she blushed they both smiled. They quickly said their good nights.

Everyone soon followed. Jordan's husband and to go home to take care of their daughter, but he was glad she was with friends. He congratulated Kate and Rick and then apologized for jumping the gun he had heard about the ring and thought they were now engaged. Captain Gates was going home, but promised to be back by 7:30 since they had decided to go to One PP directly.

_In Rick's room …_

Kate went to the bathroom first and was surprised to see all her things had been moved. Martha she realized. When she came out she had a soft satin cream colored dressing gown over her lingerie. Rick reached for her … "No not yet, but don't you dare shave." She smirked. Rick went in and she heard him turn on the shower.

She debated what to do there was a knock on their door and she asked who it was.

"Jordan, can I talk to you a minute." Kate opened the door. "She pulled Kate to her and whispered in her ear … don't you ever kiss me like that again or you will be crying Uncle."

They both laughed neither wanting to admit it was a little _"nicer"_ then they wanted to talk about. Just then Rick walked into the bedroom he had decided to skip the shower he had a lady to love …. Oops …

"Kate you are one very lucky lady. Good Night" and the blushing F.B.I. Agent turned and ran out to the living room. Kate turned around to see her man wearing … well nothing. She groaned and closed the door.

_Rick guided her to his very private room. They never saw the blinking red light on the cameras. Martha would slip the unmarked DVD in the morning whispering in his ear, "I think you and your Detective might enjoy this." "Mother?" "Trust me I've not looked at it, but no doubt it would be worth millions."_


	14. The Silence of Hope

Silent Boom Chapter 14

A/N … I do not own and never will Castle or the characters just a little fun fic …

_There is an M chapter for the missing hour Sunday morning posted under title Hurts So Good. There will be a follow up soon for the night. Still working on where this is heading, but will deal with the case and with Alexis's cancer._

_Edited on 4-15-12 ... mistakes still likely any pms with them are weclome._

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Previously …<span>_**

_In Rick's room …_

_Kate went to the bathroom first and was surprised to see all her things had been moved. Martha she realized. When she came out she had a soft satin cream colored dressing gown over her lingerie. Rick reached for her … "No not yet, but don't you dare shave." She smirked. Rick went in and she heard him turn on the shower._

_She debated what to do there was a knock on their door and she asked who it was._

_"Jordan, can I talk to you a minute." Kate opened the door. "She pulled Kate to her and whispered in her ear … don't you ever kiss me like that again or you will be crying Uncle."_

_They both laughed neither wanting to admit it was a little "nicer" then they wanted to talk about. Just then Rick walked into the bedroom he had decided to skip the shower he had a lady to love …. Oops …_

_"Kate you are one very lucky lady. Good Night" and the blushing F.B.I. Agent turned and ran out to the living room. Kate turned around to see her man wearing … well nothing. She groaned and closed the door._

_Rick guided her to his very private room. They never saw the blinking red light on the cameras. Martha would slip the unmarked DVD in the morning whispering in his ear, "I think you and your Detective might enjoy this." "Mother?" "Trust me I've not looked at it, but no doubt it would be worth millions."_

* * *

><p>Early the next morning as everyone starts to wake after finally getting a little sleep. Kate and Rick are the first up and start making coffee.<p>

Jordan was stirring as they walked to the kitchen and soon joined them. "Good Morning, you two it's good to see you both are smiling for a change. I need to talk to you, but I need to get a shower, before things get too busy."

Rick … "Jordan if you like you can use our shower, Kate and I have already taken ours."

"If you don't mind that would be great. I think the bath will be busy."

"Well mother's room has her own. Plus there is one off the workout room, but Espo already asked about that last night."

"We need to talk about a few of the logistics this morning. Rick, have you changed your mind about going to One PP?"

"I want to be there, but Alexis has a Doctor's appointment." Jordan left to take her shower.

"Rick is there any way you and Alexis can be there. What if we can get the time changed? I want you there, the team wants you there. Jenny told me last night she's pregnant and is going to tell Kevin."

"Kate, I don't see how, but let me talk to Alexis and her doctor's office."

"Rick Thanks. I know you promised her, but it does hurt that you couldn't tell me. You two are far more important than any of this. You shouldn't have gone through that alone. I'm sorry I shut you out."

"Kate, you had plenty to deal with. I'm still trying to understand it all, but time will ease all of this. I've already forgiven you. I just couldn't get you to explain what you were doing. It's been hard to know you were trying to change, but not wanting to talk, shutting me out. Come here beautiful." He pulls her into a hug just holding her while the coffee is brewing.

"Good Morning Mom … Dad." Kate starts crying again. … "Come here daughter." More hugs.

Before long everyone is up and for the first time Rick, Kate and Alexis make breakfast together as a family.

A short time later Lanie is talking to Kate … "So?" … "Lanie" she blushes.

"Looks like Writer-Man was everything you've been dreaming."

"You have no idea."

"We're not done I want some details not all, but come on girl."

"Two can play that … oh wait no I can't I don't want to know about Javi." They both laugh, but the smile on Lanie's face speaks volumes.

Castle joins them. "Alexis and I will join you at One PP if we can get her appointment moved, but the logistics and the press are set on the ceremony."

"Rick thanks for trying I hope you can make it. If not then I need to see you and Alexis alone. A few things I want to talk with you both about."

"We will do it before we head out."

Jordan addresses everyone. "Good Morning. We will leave for One PP at 9:30 … there are three trail units … one will have myself, Kate, Jim, Martha, Rick and Alexis. The rest of you will be in the last of the three units and the middle will be the decoy.

There will be five blacked out units in each. The Explorers are all identical and heavily armored. It is a precaution and one that we will use until further notice. Later today or tomorrow we will be setup with a black ops headquarters for the Task Force.

Kate will take point for inside management. My team and others will do the leg work until we know more about what exactly we are dealing with.

Captain Gates has a few things to cover."

"Good Morning.

I just wanted to let all of you know that I know the last few days were very difficult. I learned a lot and it helped me realize just how strong your bond as a team is.

I do have one announcement that I am sure will make all of you very happy it's well deserved. Effective today Detective Beckett is being promoted to the rank of Sargent she will remain in charge of her team as well as having command of the unit when I am away from the station. That's not all Detectives Esposito and Ryan are also being promoted to the rank of Detective Grade 1 … which normally would mean they would be split up and each run their own team.

I spoke with the Chief of Detectives and the Chief who agree the unique team you all have built needs to stay together your closing rate is by far the best in the NYPD homicide units. In the future we may bring in a new team member or two, make your team larger and able to handle more, but that will be up to all of you.

Congratulations."

Lots of smiles and hugs all around after the last few weeks it was a welcome bit of good news.

Rick's on the phone. "Okay thank you very much."

He turns to Kate and Alexis … "We can make the ceremony, Alexis and I need to leave in just a few minutes. I do need to insist that I'm not going to stand up there I am just happy to see you get your well-deserved honor. Let's go talk privately in my office." They walk to his office.

"Rick, Alexis … I … sorry … we have a lot of things to work on and time is so precious. I woke up early and was the happiest I've been … probably ever … thank you. I am still trying to take all of this in. But I need you to promise you won't leave without telling me and that if I choose to come with you that you won't argue. I won't make the choice unless I'm certain of it. Can you do that?"

"Kate the only reason we would leave without talking is if there was such an imminent danger that it was the only way. Even then I trust that Jordan and Vicki will keep you safe and get you to us as quickly as possible."

"Mom, I agree with dad I want you with us if we can all be. But if we need to be apart to do that then we will see each other when we can. Remember dad always knows a guy." They all laugh a little. The healing power of laughter improves their smiles.

A knock on the door … "Sorry to interrupt Rick just got the smaller units set up. We will send one three car unit in the direction of the hospital. You and Alexis will go out in a white van and head towards Battery Park then enter a garage and switch to a deliver van for a medical supply house. It's fitted with passenger seats and is reinforced. Most likely not necessary, but for now we go with safe. You need to be ready to go in fifteen minutes."

"Mom, Dad ... I'm going to leave you two alone."

"Alexis I will see you at One PP. I love you."

A quick hug and Alexis leaves them be. "Rick …"

"Kate its okay we'll get her through this. We have hope and that's all we need for now."

"I know you have to go, but I will miss you." He pulls closer and offers a reaffirming kiss that offers more than words can at the moment.

_A short time later Castle, Martha and Alexis are walking through the hall of the hospital when up ahead a tall gray haired man who Castle vaguely recognizes turns a corner and then is out of sight._


	15. Our Daughter

Silent Boom Chapter 15 ... 4-15-12 rough edit. A strong beta is needed. Thanks.

A/N … I do not own and never will Castle or the characters just a little fun fic …

A short chapter I have been editing the first chapters to clean up some of the mistakes. There is still a long way to go before all the errors are fixed. I simply do not have the time or honestly the editing skills to get it all quickly. I have not done any formal writing or story telling in years. Please accept my apology for the poor grammar and style. I hope you all see the effort to improve. Also, anyone who does find errors a PM to say hey "***********" in chapter such and such needs to be fixed would really help.

The story to date has been very intense and Kate was caught up in it all. She will start to shine a bit moving forward. There will still be rough patches for her and for Rick. I do not know yet how much longer the story will go, but I do think there is a ways to go yet.

_There is an M chapter for the missing hour Sunday morning posted under title Hurts So Good. There will be a follow up soon for the night. Still working on where this is heading, but will deal with the case and with Alexis's cancer. There will be another M chapter soon for the first night. It will pick up right after Agent Shaw spoke with Kate at the bedroom door._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Time to Shine<em>**

**_Previously …_**

_A knock on the door … "Sorry to interrupt Rick just got the smaller units set up. We will send one three car unit in the direction of the hospital. You and Alexis will go out in a white van and head towards Battery Park then enter a garage and switch to a deliver van for a medical supply house. It's fitted with passenger seats and is reinforced. Most likely not necessary, but for now we go with safe. You need to be ready to go in fifteen minutes."_

_"Mom, Dad ... I'm going to leave you two alone."_

_"Alexis I will see you at One PP. I love you."_

_A quick hug and Alexis leaves them be. "Rick …"_

_"Kate its okay we'll get her through this. We have hope and that's all we need for now."_

_"I know you have to go, but I will miss you." He pulls closer and offers a reaffirming kiss that offers more than words can at the moment._

* * *

><p>Agent Avery escorts Alexis, Rick and Martha out of the loft after they say their good-byes.<p>

Kate immediately turns to Jordan. "Jordan, did you get it arranged?"

"Yes, Kate you need to grab your stuff we have got to hurry."

"Thank you, everyone I will try to meet you at One P.P., my family comes first." Kate runs out of the kitchen to their room. As she does, she smiles … their room.

"As all of you can probably figure out Kate is going to the hospital. She knew that Rick would say no. It's her first step in making amends." Captain Gates did not even try to contain the huge smile.

The rest of the team exchanged looks. Each of the silently asking the others should we go with her, to support them? Jenny was the most surprising one to speak. "I think they need to be alone. We can do other things for them soon."

* * *

><p><em>Lennox Hill Hospital corridor forty-five minutes later ... <em>

A short time later Castle, Martha and Alexis are walking through the hall of the hospital when up ahead a tall gray haired man who Castle vaguely recognized turns a corner and then is out of sight.

Just as Castle consciously recognized that, he knew the man from somewhere. He was pulled from his thoughts by Kate's voice. "Rick, Alexis, Martha, wait for us." The three turned to see Kate Becket and Jordan Shaw both running towards them.

"Kate what are you doing here?"

"Rick, if you think I am going to let our daughter, you and Martha do this alone you need to think again."

Alexis stopped her father from saying something stupid … "Thank you, mom." The smiles between Alexis and Kate permanently sealed off any objection from Rick. He would let Kate lead on what she did in regards to Alexis moving forward. He trusted Kate with his baby girl's life she had long ago been made Alexis's legal guardian. It was time to let her choose how much she wanted to be an emotional guardian as well.

Martha pulled Kate to her side and whispered into Kate's ear. "Welcome to the family. You can call me Martha or mom, if you prefer something else as long as it is not Mrs. Rodgers I will be honored. Come along dear. You, too Jordan you are family now as well."


	16. Mother Wife Detective

Silent Boom Chapter 16

A/N … I do not own and never will Castle or the characters just a little fun fic …

Kate's first morning as a mom. Still runing or short sleep and a lot of emotions ... emotions that will be hit with an even harder blow.

The story to date has been very intense and Kate was caught up in it all. She will start to shine a bit moving forward. There will still be rough patches for her and for Rick. I do not know yet how much longer the story will go, but I do think there is a ways to go yet.

_There is an M chapter for the missing hour Sunday morning posted under title Hurts So Good. There will be a follow up soon for the night. Still working on where this is heading, but will deal with the case and with Alexis's cancer. There will be another M chapter soon for the first night. It will pick up right after Agent Shaw spoke with Kate at the bedroom door._

* * *

><p>Previously …<p>

_"Kate what are you doing here?"_

_"Rick, if you think I am going to let our daughter, you and Martha do this alone you need to think again."_

While Rick welcomed her support and he needed it far more than he was letting on. There was a part of him fighting with the urge to let both Kate and Jordan Shaw have a piece of his mind. In the back of his mind, there were thoughts of at what risk? Why did Jordan allow it? Why not just come with them instead of chasing he wondered. Was there any chance that this exposed Alexis or Kate to more danger? For all his seemingly rash spontaneous decisions Rick Castle rarely made important life altering decisions without thinking it through. The speed is mind worked things out he often need seconds when others needed minutes, even hours. Of course, that ability to rapid process also gave him the ability to process what ifs and the bad what ifs were piling up as they walked down the hall.

They arrived at the oncology outpatient center. Alexis was immediately taken to a private exam room and she asked both Martha and Kate to stay with her while she changed. Rick and Jordan were shown to a private room next door. Someone had finally realized that when treating cancer patients you were also caring for their family and friends. Rick wasted no time in telling Jordan his concerns.

The bottom line was simple moving forward once a plan was in place regarding his daughter's safety and treatment he would not tolerate a rash decision. He was not angry, just very concerned. Jordan offered to talk to Kate, but Rick said he would do it later in the day. The day was going to be short with only the press conference and then a brief planning session.

A knock on the door and a nurse asked Rick to come to the patient care room. There was a comfortable sitting area, which is where he found Alexis, Kate and his mother with Dr. Janice Smith. This was his first meeting with the specialist who had been highly recommended to him. She was by all accounts the best in the region. Many said she was top ten worldwide, but like any list, it depended on criteria.

A brief discussion left the family reeling. Treatment needed to start quickly of course, what they were not prepared for was the doctor saying just how invasive the drugs would be. One of the biggest concerns was the drugs that would be used this time had a high rate of causing permanent infertility. Of course, it was Alexis who first asked a question, long before the doctor had intended to mention it.

"Alexis, I am going to talk to you with your family present for support. I hope all of you understand that while she needs you for support she needs to be comfortable talking with me about anything. I will ask you to let Alexis speak or ask questions hold your thoughts or questions until she does. Before I get started do any of you have questions?"

"Dr. Smith, I know we have a lot to talk about. While you were examining me, you said you needed current labs and then a few days to work up the treatment plan. I need to know I have done my research. If I understood things correctly the medications you will be suggesting will probably leave me infertile, correct?"

The impact of her question was like an unexpected sonic boom. Breathings seemed to stop, emotions flooded in, while the four adults felt their chests and throats constrict. The mature yet innocent voice had asked the most basic question in the most direct way, it spoke volumes of what was important to Alexis Castle. In simple terms, it was at that moment more important than knowing her chances of beating the disease. Before any of the stunned observers could speak, she followed it up.

"Is there any chance of harvesting my eggs, before treatment takes my babies from me?"

The man, the father, who had far more inner strength than most would ever imagine was crushed and the tears welled out. He was fighting to breathe, to hold on, he pulled his daughter to his chest needing her hug as much as she needed his. Kate was even worse as she now had the added guilt of knowing just how much Alexis had meant the words spoken in the last day. She had believed Alexis, but understanding it had just crashed down. Kate thought she had feared failing her mother, that it was her biggest fear ... it had been until this moment. She now knew that it paled to the fear of failing Alexis and Rick.

Dr. Smith finally found her voice, "Alexis, yes you are correct. There is a chance you will still be able to have children, but the odds are low. I will know more after I review the test results and have worked out your treatment plan your fertility options will be discussed at that time. I do understand how important this is, but your cancer fight has to be the highest priority.

There are a few things we need to cover today; I know you have limited time. Let me get to those and we will all get together on Thursday or Friday."

A short time later, the logistics and test needs had been discussed. Since, Alexis had already been through the various lab procedures there were not questions. Kate understood that Rick or Martha could fill her in that evening. Perhaps better would be if Alexis was up to it. Kate was feeling a strong need to be there is Alexis wanted. Goodbyes were said and they left for One PP and the awards ceremony/press conference.

As they approached the exit to the waiting F.B.I. vehicles Alexis spoke again …

"I am going." The five adults just nodded, everyone had been thinking that Alexis should go home and rest. Jordan had seen the utter grief on the faces when Rick had told her they were ready to go. He had quickly whispered one word … "infertility." Jordan was good, but Rick saw it affected her nearly as much as it did Alexis's family.

They were at One P.P. just ten minutes later. Jordan had called Captain Gates and she agreed uniforms had been stationed at every intersection to direct traffic. A quick call as from Jordan to Gates and by the time they group had piled into the black SUV's the route was clear. No traffic would be allowed to pass until the motorcade. It eliminated the chance that a hit team could be maneuvered to intercept and attack. It was a short distance, which is what made the plan simple and affective.

* * *

><p>In just over an hour the next loud statement was going to be broadcast to the world.<p>

"Hello, Thank you for coming, I am Detective … sorry Sergeant Katherine Beckett. Still getting use to that I hope you will forgive me. I have a brief statement. If you will allow me to finish my statement, I will take questions. However, if you interrupt then I will end my statement and walk away. … "

The brief pause to see how the press would respond allowed Kate to take a deep breath as she prepared herself to say the most important words she would ever speak. For the first time she was speaking as a mother, soon to be wife and detective.


End file.
